Seduced on the Phone

I like to sneak off during work and call my wife. I try to see if I can get her to say cutsie, sexy things to me over the phone. It's awesome, because I can get seduced by a woman over the phone, and I don't have to pay $9.95 a min to do it. Plus, the bonus is that she really means it!

Texting Obsession

I was walking into the express lane to check out, and there were two high school-age girls walking into the line before me. No sooner did they stop their cart, than they both pulled out their cell phones and started texting. They couldn't even wait the one minute it took the checker to dispatch the customer in front of them. It was as if they might perish if they weren't constantly connected to friends. As if their very existence was defined by the fact that someone else was acknowleding that they, in fact, were still alive. The funny thing is that they were probably texting each other.

What did people like myself do before cell phones and texting? Oh that's right, we either talked face-to-face or we entertained ourselves.

The Wedding Ring

I take my wedding ring off when I wash my hands, work in the yard, or even when I'm just at home for the night. I've taken a lot of flak from my friends about this...guys who NEVER take off their rings. So, I wanted to write a blog to explain why I do what I do...besides the obvious reason of not wanting to mess up my ring.

If I wore my ring all the time, then I might grow complacent to it. I might go all day every day without even realizing it's there. Since it's a symbol of the unending, unfailing love I have for one woman, this might essentially mean that my wife and my commitment to my wife might never cross my mind either. I might get so caught in my work, that I might forget who I'm working for. Who I really drag myself to work every day for, so I can afford to give her all the comforts she deserves. Who I'm really planting these flowers for, because she said she liked them and I want her to have a space she can be proud of. I might forget.

But every time I slide that ring on my finger, it's like renewing my commitment to her all over again. I renew my vows to love and cherish her above all others. I don't have to wait to see her to yearn for her, to think about her. I can get it 10-15 times a day when she's not even there.

Make a Joyful Noise...Literally

Not being able to sing has never stopped me from singing at the top of my lungs.

A Banana

I was hungry this morning, so I decided to eat a banana to tide me over. Unfortunately, I have discovered that the quickest way to stimulate hunger is to eat a banana. I'm more hungry now, than I was before I ate it. It's like my stomach got a little taste of the good life, and now it won't stop until it's completely satisfied. My stomach is quite loudly gurgling in outrage. Someone three cubes away just asked me if I was okay.

That banana woke the sleeping beast.

ACHOO

I used to think my roommate, JT, was full of crap when he told me that the sun made him sneeze. Every time we would go outside on a sunny day, he'd sneeze. I told him it was probably pollen in the air or something else that he was allergic to. He insisted it was the sun.

Turns out, he was probably right. Scientists have been doing extensive research for years to discover a connection between optical reflexes and nosular response. (Yes, I just made that word up.) While it is still unclear what parts of the brain exactly cause this and how the responses are connected, they have at least discovered that it is a real phenomenon.

For those of you that are wondering what this syndrome is called, you might have guessed that it had something to do with the title of this post. It goes by many names, but the latest is Autosomal Cholinergic Helio-Ophtalmologic Outburst syndrome (ACHOO).

If you'd like to read more about ACHOO, see the following links:
http://www.neatorama.com/2010/04/09/the-sunny-sneeze/
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/omim/100820

Sigh...

Have you ever heard a dog sigh? Like when you come home, and he realizes he has to drag himself up off the floor; to pull himself away from his busy, hectic schedule of lounging around the house; just to saunter to the door and acknowledge your entrance. And you can hear him give a noticeable, breathy sigh of irritation as he does it.

Or when you give your dog a command, like 'come', and he decides to stretch for several minutes, yawn, and look around for something more interesting to do; before sighing in disappointment when he realizes that inevitably he'll have to give in and obey after all.

Or even a sigh of contentment when he's found the perfect spot on the floor with optimal coolness, comfort, and stretching room. And he has managed to contort his body into just the right position to take advantage of all of those factors. And he lets out a sigh of satisfaction before dozing off into slumber.

How could anyone not be a dog person?

The Holey Shirt

I had a holey shirt I used to wear all the time. I'd had it for about 10 years, and I loved it. That is until my wife made me get rid of it. This was accomplished by her using it as a garage rag to clean up an oil spill. It's hard to wear something after that happens to it.

My wife hated the shirt because she said it was embarrassing to be seen with me in it. She said it made me look like I couldn't afford clothes that weren't in tatters. I argued that it was a fashion statement.

I told her that I used to get whistled at every time I wore it. Of course that could have just been the sound of the wind blowing through the myriad of holes in it.