Being as it’s
a new year, I decided to start working out again. Me and the other one hundred
enthusiasts who stupidly believe that this year they'll actually stick with
their workout routine for more than 4-6 weeks.
Based on a
doctor's advice, I decided to give the elliptical machine a try. High reward
and low impact sounded exactly like what I needed. I picked one of the preset
programs, and off I went.
The first
three minutes or so were ok as my body got used to exercise again. Then the
machine made a strange noise and suddenly walking (or ellipticalling?) was not
coming so smoothly anymore. I realized that the strange noise was the machine
going from level 1 to level 3. Determined to give this a fair go, I grunted it
out and struggled along for another three minutes. At which point the machine
made that horrible noise again and jumped to level 6.
That's when
my body started protesting the torture I was inflicting on it. My thighs were
burning...I could literally see smoke coming off my pants. My knees suddenly
decided that bending side to side was easier than front to back. My legs felt
like burning jelly, knees going side to side, the motion of the machine going
forward and back. At one point I lost my balance and was almost thrown
violently from the death-inducing device. I managed to
grab the handle just in time.
That's when
I saw the little buttons on the handle to adjust the level up or down. I
frantically started pushing the down button, only to have the machine override
my attempts and keep it at level 6...all the while the stupid display is
screaming "Peddle Faster!"
