R.I.P. Chauncey

In Memory of Chauncey “Sometimes” Green, the most chill lizard that I’ve ever seen. On Saturday, Chauncey succumbed to injuries sustained after being eaten by a roadrunner near his home in Lantana. Chauncey will be remembered for his unending devotion to keeping the bug population in control on and around the blackberry bush. He is survived by his best friend, Derek, who asks for privacy as he mourns the loss of his friend. Rest in Peace, Chauncey.

Taco Bed

A long time ago in a galaxy far away, CC invited me to his house for the weekend. At this point, I can’t for the life of me remember why he invited me, but I went. Maybe it was just a boy’s weekend. Anyway, he only had a twin bed in his room, and he wasn’t about to give it up to anyone. So, I was relegated to an air mattress on the floor. Which wouldn’t have been too bad if it hadn’t started to deflate halfway through the night. I woke up in the morning lying on the floor with the air mattress completely wrapped around me. I looked like I was being eaten by a giant air taco! And CC? Well, he just looked at me completely unconcerned, scratched an inappropriate body part, and headed off to breakfast. He left me struggling to get out of the locked maw of that stupid mattress. So, in retaliation, the next night I waited for him to fall asleep, and I violently beat him with my pillow. Consequently, I never stayed at his house again after that.

Screaming Goats

Awhile back, we were at a petting zoo in Fort Worth. There was a goat there that was a bit greedy with the feed. When I attempted to feed a different goat, the greedy goat started screaming at me. As long as I gave my food to him, he was fine. But any attempt to share the love was met with a loud, heart-wrenching wail.

I’m convinced that this particular goat was off his nut. However, I started to think that he would be great to watch a horror movie with. He’d also be great as a driver’s ed teacher. Or to take bungee jumping. Or to take to get his legs waxed. Or on a bicycle with no brakes going down a steep hill. At least in those situations, his reaction would make sense. Screaming because I gave some feed to the hippy-bearded goat next to him is just psycho.