Personalized Underwear

I had a dream last night that I was the director on a movie. Before we began shooting, I bought everyone in the cast a pair of underwear with the role and name of their character stitched into it. I figured it would help the actors visualize “stepping into” their roles and becoming the part. Then, when they were ready to step out again, they could just take them off. It would help them separate their professional lives from their personal lives. There were a few cast members that didn’t wear underwear, so I got them personalized socks instead. Same concept though.

Hard of Hearing

Me: “As I’ve gotten older, I notice that I talk to myself more.”
My Mom: “That’s okay. Wait until you have to start asking yourself to repeat things because you weren’t paying attention.”

The Alien Parasite

Spousal Unit: “Do you want pizza for dinner?”
Me: “It doesn’t matter what I eat. I’ll be dead by tomorrow, so sure, why not.”
Spousal Unit: “Why will you be dead?”
Me: “I’ve had an upset stomach all day. I’ve spent more time in the bathroom than out of it. I’m pretty sure that I have an alien parasite.”
Spousal Unit [laughing]: “Where did you come up with that?”
Me: “I plugged in my symptoms on WebMD, so you know it’s true.”
Spousal Unit: “I see. It’s probably from the leak soup you ate.”
Me: “I had that for lunch today, so it’s not affecting me already.”
Spousal Unit: “Lactose intolerance maybe?”
Me: “I never have an issue from the dinky amount of milk I have in my cereal in the mornings.”
Spousal Unit: “Hmmm, I guess you’re right then…alien parasite.”
Me: “That’s what I thought too. I figured I’m going to lose half my organs tomorrow because of the leak soup. So, losing the other half to the pizza probably won’t matter. It might even be a good thing. Once I’m empty inside, the parasite won’t have any reason to stay! Of course, then I’ll have to worry about blowing away. I’ll just be a dada balloon!”
My Son [laughing]: “A dada balloon…that’s funny.”
Spousal Unit: “This conversation has ventured into the ridiculous.”
Me: “Just now? It hasn’t been ridiculous the entire time?!”