The Blind Reading the Blind

As I was driving home today, I saw a blind guy sitting on a bench. He had his dark glasses on and his mobility cane leaning against the bench…and he was looking at a cell phone. I’m not sure what he was “looking” at, but he was staring intently at…or at least in the direction of…the screen. Maybe it was talking to him. Or at least I hope it was.

One in a Million Shot

My son and I were out playing frisbee today in the front yard. He was very concerned about throwing it in the street and hitting a car. It reminded me of a childhood memory, so I told him about it.

When I was a kid, during the summers, my brother, cousin, and I would throw a frisbee around in the street in front of the house. There were a lot of cars going up and down the street, so we constantly had to stop and step aside until they’d passed. It was annoying to say the least.

At some point, my cousin JS said, “The next car that drives by with their window down, I’m going to try to throw the frisbee through their window and out the other side.” We all thought this was a sound plan, so my brother positioned himself on one side of the street and my cousin on the other, while kept lookout for cars.

It didn’t take long for a car to come rumbling down the street with its windows down. It was summer in Texas after all, and it was hot. My cousin got ready, lined up his shot, and timed his throw perfectly. The frisbee took off, flew straight in through the driver’s side window, floated across the car, and landed on the passenger seat. It was a one in a million shot. It didn’t fly out of the other side, but still. What we didn’t plan on was that the driver didn’t stop. He just drove on down the street with our frisbee on his seat. We had no idea if he didn’t see it or if he figured that was his reward for us using him as a firing range. But we never saw that frisbee again, and the summer got a whole lot more boring after that.

Night of the Living Dead

I had to wake my mom up this morning because the cleaning lady was going to be at our house shortly after. I was expecting her to be a little groggy, but I definitely was not expecting what opened the door. My mother’s hair was a wild mess, she was squinting from the sudden sunlight, she was leaning slightly to one side with one arm hanging limply, and she was scowling! It was like witnessing the Night of the Living Dead! If I was momentarily taken a back by her appearance, I was completely thrown by her words. In a deep, gravely voice, she growled, “What do you want?!” She sounded like she was possessed. When I explained that the cleaning lady was going to be there soon, she growled back, “Okay, and?” I suggested that she might want to get up and get ready. She grunted and closed the door.

I learned some valuable lessons. Never, ever wake up mom…under any circumstances! Let her down several cups of coffee before attempting to engage her in conversation. And absolutely never look the zombie inside of her directly in the eye!

The Car Wash

There’s a car wash around the corner from my son’s school, which is packed every day. Sometimes, I see the same people going in there every week after dropping their kids off at school. Their cars are always immaculate. I mean barring someone who works as an auto detailer, who has the time to get their car washed every week?! The only time that my car even gets close to a car wash is if I use the squeegee at the gas station to get the bird poop off the roof.

The Tiny Toothbrush

Have you ever been brushing your teeth in the morning and thought to yourself, “Man, my hand looks gigantic on my toothbrush. I’m holding the entire handle in the palm of my hand.” Only to realize that you’ve mistakenly grabbed your son’s children’s toothbrush instead?