Northern Immersion - Cheerio!

Well, today was leaving day.  The taxi came for me at 6 a.m. for the long trek to Belfast.  Since the restaurants weren’t going to open until around 7:30 a.m., I was panicking what to do for breakfast.  I called the front desk and asked if they knew any places that were open this early.  Conner, the guy manning the front desk, said that there weren’t, but he would go and see what he could find in the kitchen for me.  He showed up at my door ten minutes later holding a tray with toast, cereal, orange juice, and hot tea.  He apologized that he couldn’t find me something more.  I was thanking him profusely for this heavenly morsel!

The flight from Belfast to London was uneventful; nothing exciting to report.  The flight from London to Athens was a completely different story.  I sat next to a Greek woman named Evagelia.  She was from Athens and was traveling home after a work stint in Glasgow.  We ended up talking the entire flight about my experiences in Greece, her work as a psychologist, the things I liked most about my job, her family, my family, and why people act the way they do.  We were so pleasantly entertained that we didn’t even notice that over three hours had passed and we were about to land.

I am not normally like that with people, but she was very easy to talk to.  My wife says that’s because she’s a psychologist.  There could be something to that, but it also might just be another step in my adventure education…trying new things!

After my wife and Georgios picked me up from the airport, I spent a relaxing evening eating and talking to my in-laws.

Northern Immersion - I’d like to do it all again…this time in reverse.

My morning started off with a potentially awkward situation.  I was going to the bathroom after breakfast, sitting with the door open so I could hang my head out and still watch the news.  I had just gotten to the moment of standing up, pants still around my ankles, when the door handle started to jiggle.  I had just enough time to drag my pants up before the door burst open, and I was face to face with the cleaning lady.  One minute sooner and that could have been awkward for all parties involved.  I was telling this story at dinner later that night (read below) and Michael says, “Well, that’s what you get for not dead-bolting your door.  That’s why they put those things on the door.”  No sympathy at all.

The class today didn’t go as smoothly as I had planned. I thought the assessment would be pretty straight-forward compared to what I had put the guys through the last two weeks.  I was dead wrong.  They struggled even more with this.  Most likely because they had the added pressure of thinking this was a graded test.  The whole office got out early except us.  I eventually had to kick the guys out because they weren’t done and we needed to lock up.  In the end, I only failed two guys because they were missing quite a few fields from their files.  Ironically, it was the two guys that finished first.

For lunch, I wanted to have one last hoorah with the guys, so we head out to Brown’s in Town.  This was to compliment the crap experience I had had earlier in the week at Brown’s on the Waterside.  I had the battered cod, which was a lot better than the regular cod I had had before.  The portion was larger too.  We had a big controversy at the table about whether we could order skinny fries or fat fries, and if we could order skinny fries would they come out as regular fries or sweet potato fries.  SS wanted sweet potato skinny fries, but the waiter told him that they were only serving regular that day.  Later in the lunch he was telling a story about this restaurant that had burned down.  SD asked him what year that was, but SS said that he couldn’t remember the year.  Then, he said, “It was on September 27^th at about half ten.”  When SD asked how he could remember that amount of detail, but not remember the year, SS said, “I remember because the bloke burned the restaurant down when he couldn’t get sweet potato skinny fries.”

For dinner, LF, DS, and I decided to head back to La Sosta again to see if we might run into John Hume and could convince him to take a picture with us.  We were not so lucky, but we did run into JM and MH from the office, so we decided to join them.  I will admit that I had been so impressed with the dinner from the night before, that I chose to do it all again.  It was just as good the second time.  When it came time to order dessert, I ordered the pudding again.  LF and DS decided that they wanted to try it this time as well.  JM chose to get the tiramisu.  When the pudding came out this time, it looked like a piece of chocolate cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.  Thinking it was the tiramisu, because it looked exactly like what DS had gotten the night before, I sent it down to JM.  The waitress was completely confused, because she had two more plates of the chocolate cake “things” coming out to the table.  MH, being the only from Northern Ireland and therefore the only one who could make an intelligent observation of the situation, informed us that pudding in the UK doesn’t look like pudding in the US.

Apparently, the night before, they had switched DS and my desserts.  I had ended up with the tiramisu and DS had had the pudding.  We had both enjoyed our desserts so much, that neither of us even questioned it.  Besides, we were in a foreign country, so who were we to criticize that the food looked different than we expected?  JM didn’t want the “soup” looking thing they brought him, so we switched and I had my “pudding” after all.  I probably should have done the whole meal in reverse and started with the dessert, just to be different.

After dinner, JM and I walked back to the hotel and had a long chat with Chiree, one of the lovely ladies that worked at the front desk.  She had been on rotation with Laura and Marguerite at the front desk, so we had come to be a first name basis with them all.  They were the most helpful and friendly staff I have ever encountered at a hotel.  I would suggest people stay at the Maldron for this fact alone.

I ended my night by repacking all my clothes and evaluating all the students in my class.  I didn’t get to bed until 12:30 a.m.

Northern Immersion - Where Everyone Knows Your Name

I had a great day at work today, despite the fact that I had a headache.  Yesterday, on a whim, I had rewritten the last supplemental activity in my manual.  It actually turned out to be a really good activity that challenged even the cockiest guy in the class.  I was pretty proud of how cool it turned out despite the fact that I had written it in about 30 minutes.  It was divine, that’s all I can say.  I have learned a lot from this training period.  I need to put a lot more work into cleaning up the curriculum…if Randy lets me.

For lunch, LFand I walked down the street and went to the Sandwich Co.  Yes…again.  I got the same thing, BLT and soup.  It was still good, even for the third time.

Tonight, LF, DS, and I went to La Sosta for dinner.  It was a fancy Italian restaurant that was down an alley and through an unmarked door.  We figured that Americans alone for Thanksgiving should stick together.  Dinner was excellent.  I had a Farfalle e pollo con asparagi (farfalle with chicken and asparagus).  I also got a side order of garlic bread in olive oil.  And I finished it off with chocolate pudding with cacao powder.

But as good as the food was, that was not the highlight of the dining experience.  On our way out, we met a local (and seemingly more widespread) celebrity.  John Hume, who along with David Trimble, won the Nobel Prize for Peace in 1998 “for their efforts to find a peaceful solution to the conflict in Northern Ireland.”  He chatted us up, asking about our visit to Derry, where we were staying, about our business, etc.  We didn’t realize the magnitude of the moment until we were walking through Bogside and saw his picture painted on the side of a building alongside Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  I told Marguerite, the lady at the front desk about him, and she told me that he eats at that restaurant every night.  Everyone around here knows John, and now we do too.

After dinner, LF, DS, and I walked around, so LF could take pictures.  We walked all over town and even down to Free Derry, so she could see the murals.  At one of the pubs in town, The Anchor Bar, we found a guy outside smoking a cigarette.  When LF pointed her camera in his direction, he started posing and waving his hands around and smiling.  I knew right off that he was probably gay based on his behavior.  He confirmed this fact himself when he started talking to us.  He suddenly looked down, realized he was still smoking a cigarette, and said, “Oh my god, I hope she didn’t get the fag in the picture!”  Laughing to myself, I thought, “I’m pretty sure that was exactly what she was trying to take a picture of.”  LF and DS were completely oblivious to the double meaning that “fag” in the UK actually refers to a cigarette.

Northern Immersion - Do It All Again

Today, we continue with the XSLT code of Core Connectors.  The guys seemed to enjoy this, as we got back into things they liked and understood.  I’m glad this week is going more smoothly than last week.  I still had to deal with a couple of the guys racing through the assignments like there is some prize for finishing first.  I had to tell them to slow down and get it right, because it’s not about how fast you finish, but about the quality you produce.  Not good at all.

LF, the new payroll trainer, came in yesterday, so I went and picked her up to walk her to the office.  I have taken it upon myself to spend the next few days downloading to her everything I have learned about Derry.  She couldn’t go to lunch, so I went out with JM and GR to Danano’s again.  I tried the Margherita pizza again, because this time it said it had basil.  I was completely disappointed again.  It was merely a cheese pizza.  These people have no idea how to make a proper Margherita pizza.  I’m giving up.  Gavin was really nice.  I hadn’t talked to him before today.  He and I have a very similar sense of humor.

I took LF out for dinner at the Exchange, because it was close to her hotel, and she wasn’t feeling well.  Apparently, the day after she arrived, she developed laryngitis and lost her voice.  So, we had a quiet, whispered dinner!  I had the chicken stacker, which was two chicken breasts, tomato, and mozzarella cheese stacked on top of each other, sitting in a cream of mushroom sauce.  Not actually as tasty as it sounds.

Came back to the hotel and worked to give my feet a rest.  I watched Manchester United bomb a supposed giveaway game in the Champions League group stage.  Not a bad, relaxing night.

Northern Immersion - A Beam of Sun through the Rain Clouds

Well, just when I thought all hope was gone with my class, they surprised me today.  They actually seemed to be following along and understanding what I was teaching.  Granted we actually switched topics and started talking about a new type of integration.  But there were none of the confused looks, incessant cussing, or “here, just take my laptop now.”  Even some of the people that I had concerns about turned it around today.

One of the things that really pisses me off about the class is that the guys assume they are getting out at 3:30 p.m. every day.  Today, one of the guys actually told me that I couldn’t present another topic, because it was already 3:27 p.m. and they only had three minutes before they were “away to go.”  I said, “You’re away to go, when I say you’re away to go”; which garnered both derision for my making fun of the Irish slang and groans that I was being so mean.  I didn’t care.  I’d had enough of them bullying me around.  So, I made them stay another hour.  I wish I had done this last week already and set the precedence.

For lunch today, JM and I went over to the Green Octopus in Austin’s department store.  Ironically, we had both just heard about the restaurant yesterday from DS, and today all of the guys said they were going there for lunch as well.  I had the Green Octopus Two-Handed Club Sandwich.  It was tasty; nothing exciting.

For dinner, we continue the fancy theme and went to Brown’s on the Waterside, because JM has a goal to go to every fancy restaurant in town this week.  This was even fancier than the Sooty Olive.  I’ll also say more expensive and less thrilling.  This was the kind of restaurant where they bring out a dinky piece of fish with sauce patterns adorning the gigantic plate.  The food looked ridiculous on the plate, because it was so inconsequential in comparison.  It was also just ordinary.  I wouldn’t even say good.  Just okay.  And there wasn’t anywhere near enough of it to fill you up.  I had the cod with fries, finishing with a chocolate mousse tart with honey ice cream.  The dessert was just as ridiculous.  It was way too sweet and rich, but it was about three spoonfuls.

I know I’m not of the richer tastes, but this was wasted decadence if you ask me.  I wouldn’t bother going back and paying for that again.

Northern Immersion - Sweaty Olives

I am a little concerned about some of the guys in my class.  They are struggling with the oddest things, and I have no idea how to deal with it.  Some of them are fine with the programming itself, but are struggling with the stupid documentation.  Some of them are over-complicating things and then struggling to dig themselves back out again.  I’m not sure how they’ll actually do in the class.  I’m also starting to feel like some of it is my fault, because of the language/culture difference.  I’ll keep trying, but it’s very frustrating.

JM and I went back to Quays Bar for lunch today.  He had heard about the Jamaican Penne Pasta and wanted to try it for himself.  He was completely disappointed, saying it was too bland.  I never said it was hot, so he must have told himself that.  But of course, he blamed me.  I got the Creamy Penne Pasta and Garlic-Butter Potatoes.  It was totally delicious.  I enjoyed it a lot more than the Jamaican Penne Pasta.  JM and I agree to disagree on food.

For dinner, JM, DS, and I went over to the Sooty Olive in Waterside Derry (that’s the other side of the river).  It’s a little fancier kind of restaurant, where you get reservations, eat by candlelight, and people dress up.  I had the sirloin steak and potatoes.  It was a very good steak.  I also got the brownie explosion and vanilla ice cream for dessert…perfect way to wrap that meal up.  I was very impressed with the quality of the food…would go back.

In case you’re wondering about the title, I could never understand people when they were saying the name of the restaurant.  So, I thought they were saying the Sweaty Olive.  I’m still not sure what the name is supposed to mean.

Northern Immersion - All Laid Out Before Me

Today, I woke up later than usual, had the continental breakfast downstairs, and submitted my first expense report for this trip.  Then, I decided to venture over to the west side of the Foyle River and explore the other side of town.  CD had mentioned that the view from Top of the Hill was amazing, so I decided to hike it.

Again, I underestimated how far that was, especially hiking uphill all the way there.  But I finally made it, and CD was right…it was truly amazing.  I could look back across the water and see the entire town on the other side of the river, as well as the monastery, cemetery, football stadium, and all the other places I had hiked the day before.  It is pretty awesome to see the expansiveness of the town and how it sprawls out across the countryside.

Other than this view, there is not much else on that side of the river except residential areas.  I explored a few of these to get a feel for the types of houses in this part of the world and then headed back to try to grab lunch.  I had lunch at the Sandwich Co. again, repeating the experience from the day before.  It was just as good this time.  I got it as a takeaway (that’s the word for “to go” here) and ate it in my room, so I could take off my shoes and let my body relax.  I mapped out the trip I had taken today, and found out that it was approximately 3 miles round trip.  No wonder my feet were killing me.

JM came to my room around 4 p.m. and invited me to the Foyle Film Fesitval, which features independent short films from all over the world.  We bought a package deal which was for five movies, totaling about 1.5 hours of viewing.  The subject matter on these films was a little odd and disturbing. 

The first one was titled Out of the Village and was a film about a boy and his sister who have to deal with the aftermath of their parents’ death to Ebola.  This was an emotionally moving film, but left me wondering “what’s next?”

The second one was titled Intersection and was a film about two construction workers in the middle of nowhere whose monotony is disturbed by a meteorite falling from the sky.  One of them kills the other to get sole possession of the meteorite and then proceeds to try to drag it across the desert naked, using his clothes as leverage.  I actually quite liked this.  It was very funny in a dark kind of way.

The third one was titled Fragile and was a film about a woman who tries dating too soon after her divorce.  The dating experience is disastrous and leads to a series of destructive encounters across the city, as she tries to come to terms with her loneliness.  The girl in this was cute, but she was a complete psycho.  I didn’t understand what she was doing half the time.

The fourth one was titled Waiting for Tom and was a film about a mother and daughter driving across Ireland for some reason completely lost on me.  They bicker the whole time about things we know nothing about and then have a good laugh right before the credits roll.  I guess you can figure out what I thought about this one.

The last one was title De Smet and was a film about three brothers who live the single life, doing everything together in a simple way.  That is until a new woman moves in across the street and starts a romance with one of the brothers.  The other two brothers don’t like the interruption, so they sabotage the breaks on the woman’s car, and she dies in a car accident.  Order is restored between the brothers, but it leaves the one brother depressed.  JM didn’t even stay to watch this one.  I thought this one had quite a few humorous parts as well.  The girl next to me was laughing pretty hard, so I guess she also liked it.

It was cool to do something unexpected like this, especially since the film festival is only done twice a year.

We finished off with dinner in the Stir Restaurant, where we had a Moroccan Lamb Burger with tzatziki and a toffee, chocolate, and caramel tartlet with tasted suspiciously like cheesecake.  And we all know how I feel about cheesecake!

Later, JM and I are going to walk down to the Omniplex and watch Spectre, the new James Bond film.

Northern Immersion - Tour of Donegal

I woke this morning at the usual time and headed down to breakfast only to discover that they were serving off the continental bar today.  The breakfast was less than stellar off the bar.  I missed my usual eggs Benedict and bacon.  After breakfast, I decided to hit the shops.  My intention was to buy my wife a souvenir from Derry.  So far, I haven’t been able to find anything touristy here.

Disappointed, I decided to trek up to the monastery that that CD had showed me earlier.  I guess I didn’t realize how long that walk was when I was riding in the car.  It took me an hour to trek down the river, up the hill, and finally find the monastery (after passing the turn-off a couple of times).  Along the way, I found a really neat park along the river with walking trails, trees, and lush green grass.  Also, after one of my wrong turns, I ended up in Brandwell, which had some really neat houses and murals.

I followed the whole trip that CD had taken me and walked back through Creggan, guiding myself by the few landmarks that seemed familiar.  It was a long walk, especially trudging up that hill, and I was exhausted when I finally made it back to the hotel.  At the hotel, I mapped out my walk, and I found out it was about 2.5 miles in total.

But I didn’t stay there long, deciding to high-tail it down the street to The Sandwich Co. for a soup and sandwich.  The lunch was amazing.  I had a BLT and the soup of the day, which was a vegetable soup.  The BLT was not traditional, in that they had mixed all of the ingredients together in a sort of sandwich spread.  The whole thing was very tasty.  Would go again…five stars.

After lunch, SD had agreed to take JM, KM, and I on a driving tour through Donegal (pronounced Donnie Gall).  We headed northwest to Buncrana and then followed the coast road up to Ballyliffin before turn around and heading southeast to Carndonagh, Quigley’s Point, Muff, and finally back to Derry.  Besides the amazing scenery and coastal views, we also stopped at Fort Dunree to take some pictures and enjoy the freezing cold wind before journeying on.

Here’s a funny story about Muff, Northern Ireland.  Muff sits right on the border between Ireland and Northern Ireland.  One of the guys in the class, BM, actually lives in Muff.  He said that what Muff is actually famous for is their scuba diving club.  They’re called the Muff Divers.

Well, I was supposed to meet JM and KM to go out to the Sooty Olive tonight, so after a quick nap, I texted him.  Apparently, he forgot we were going to go and went somewhere else without me.  So, pissed off that he didn’t text to let me know, I set off to try to find something.  I wasn’t feeling like eating out alone and needless to say most things in the town are closed, except pubs, so I ended up at Paolo’s Pizza again.  I tried the pepperoni pizza this time.  The pepperonis were tiny, like small sausages.  I ended up picking half of them off.  The pizza was okay, nothing great.  It could have been that I just wasn’t in the mood for pizza again.  I watched the Proposal while I ate, and now I’m going to bed.  I feel like I’m giving Twitter updates or something.

Northern Immersion - Most Common Word in Northern Ireland

So today, I gave the guess the first two Supplemental Activities in the class, which are basically independent activities where they have to apply all the techniques and knowledge that they have learned all week.  I have never heard so many creative uses of the f-bomb in all of my life as they worked through the assignment.  I asked JM after class if he noticed that they cussed more here in Northern Ireland, and he said, “Not really.  It must just be your class.”  I kid you not that this continued the entire eight hours of class.  The funniest comment had to be when SS said, “You are sick.  How do you sleep at night?!”  I calmly replied, “On one side, then the other.”

CD and I went over to Jack’s Bar for lunch.  I got an Open Steak and Bacon Sandwich with garlic potatoes.  It was just okay, nothing special.  The decor in the bar was neat, very traditional, but the food wasn’t that great.  CD agreed.  Perhaps we got the wrong thing.  I had heard the Battered Cod was good.  Oh well, you win some and lose some. 

After class, I wasn’t feeling very energetic, so I went to Paolo’s Pizza to get a pizza.  My English must be terribly hard to understand, because I asked for a 10” Margherita and ended up with two instead.  I’m not sure how she got from 10” to 2.  It was too late by the time they came out, so I just took them and headed back to the room.  I decided to treat myself to a pizza/movie night, eating all that pizza and watching The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies.  The pizza was good, the Italian herbs were outstanding, but it was actually only a cheese pizza, not really a Margherita.  The movie was okay, but the worst of the three by far.

Northern Immersion - Let There Be Light!

I have a guy in my class named Rhys, who has made it his personal mission to jack with the computer of everyone who leaves it unlocked when they leave the room.  Usually, this just consists of him flipping their screen over, so they are viewing it upside down.  Once he sent an email to everyone from the computer “confessing” that the computer had been left unlocked.

As he was leaving for the day today, he forgot his phone on the table.  A couple of his victims seized the opportunity to jack with his unlocked phone before he came back to get it.  They decided to change the language on the phone to Danish.  When he had come back, he saw that the language had changed and said, “You are all bastards…the whole lot of you…bastards.  But that was really good craic.  Cheers.”  I’m really going to miss this bunch of guys when I have to go back.  I have grown quite fond of their personalities and the witty way they feed off each other.

CD and I went over to the Exchange for lunch today.  Randy had been raving about it several times before I left, so I wanted to try it out.  I tried a ham and bacon Panini with potatoes.  It was actually very good.  CD said I should come back for dinner some time and try the Spanish potatoes…maybe next week.  CD offered to take me on a driving tour around Derry city proper after lunch.  So, we headed north up the river around to the Monastery of the Carmelite Fathers and back through Creggan.

Tonight, Santa Claus showed up at the Guild Hall to turn on the Christmas lights.  I got there half an hour early after a less than satisfying dinner at Subway, and there were already hundreds of people standing in the plaza.  By the time Santa showed up, hundreds of more people showed up and hemmed me in.  I couldn’t actually see Santa flip the switch on the Christmas tree, but the best part was watching how excited the children were about the whole experience.  To see their little faces lit up in worly light-up toys.  To hear their excited squeals of joy at getting candy treats from Santa.  To witness their happiness as they sat atop their parents shoulders, high above the world with the best view in the house.  To use a local expression, it was good craic (pronounced crack).

I let the crowds die down a bit, and then I walked around town looking at the lights and taking pictures.  Every street is lit up.  Bell, Christmas tree, snowflake lights strewn up everywhere.  After that, I went over to the Free Derry wall and walked around the neighborhood to view the murals painted on the buildings.  This was the sight of Bloody Sunday, where British troops killed thirteen people; pretty sobering.

I realized that I didn’t really describe the hotel I’m staying in.  The Maldron Hotel apparently has been owned by several hotel chains over the years.  Everyone around here knows it as The Tower.  I’m on the fourth floor, which is the top, and I have a room on the back of the hotel.  My view looks out a narrow gap between two arms of the hotel down toward the Guild Hall and the river.  There is a heater in the room, but no A/C as far as I can tell.  I have one small window that opens, but it only opens about three inches, so it doesn’t let in much cool, just enough to get some fresh air into the room.  The bathroom is pretty small, but serviceable. 

My only real issue is the stupid toilet lid.  It is constructed in such a way that the lid hits the flushing handle of the toilet, so it won’t stay open.  I found this out the first time I was trying to pee and it started to come back down again.  Panic ensued as I tried to prop it up with my knee while maintaining my aim.  Now, I have to pee from the side of the toilet, so I can prop up the lid while I’m using it.  It’s really annoying.

Northern Immersion - Sweet Revenge!

Today, we got into my favorite topic, XSLT.  I was stoked that this was going to be the day that finally turned it around for the guys excitement-wise…I was wrong.  I guess the endless weeks of training are starting to take their toll, and I’m taking the brunt of the boredom.  They have no idea that my class can be a blast, much more fun than the Workday version in a couple of weeks.

While I was walking through the various functions in XSLT and XPath, most of the guys were checking their phones, looking at Facebook, or whispering to each other.  I only had about four or five guys that were actually paying attention.  I pressed on, though.  I’m here for their benefit, so if they choose not to use me, then it’s their loss.  However, I have to say that I had a bit of satisfying revenge when I got to the part of giving them the homework for the night.  First of all, the majority of the guys were talking, so they didn’t even hear that they had homework or the explanation I gave about how to read the spec.  It was a complete eye-opener for pretty much everyone in the room when they realized that they had to take all the pieces that I had given them and put them together in complex, creative ways.  The examples I had gone over may have seemed easy, but they were the building blocks to something far more complicated.

A couple of guys finished early and left.  About half stayed behind, and I was able to give them one-on-one tutoring.  This is by far my favorite part of the class.  I like assessing where people are at and helping them grasp that one little thing that is eluding them.  I enjoy seeing their faces relax with recognition when they finally understand.  I am not daunted by this.  This was their first foray into XSLT, so it’s going to take some practice.  That’s why we have additional activities for them to go over.  It’s a process.

For lunch today, SD, PS, and DS took me to Quay’s Bar.  I decided to continue my adventure outside my comfort zone and try the Jamaican Jerk Penne Pasta.  It wasn’t as spicy as I was expecting it to be.  It had braised beef tips in a stew of tomatoes, bell peppers, and onions; marinated in a vegetable/cilantro broth.  It was actually pretty good, despite the fact that I picked all of the onions out and set them on the side.

For dinner, I accompanied JM and KM to Bentley’s Steakhouse.  I continue my spice-filled day by trying the Marinated Chili Steak Pita Pocket.  I wasn’t expecting it to be very big, so I also got a cup of the soup of the day, which was some sort of vegetable medley.  This was really the first not-so-great meal of the trip.  The soup was okay; nothing exciting.  The pita pocket was much larger than anticipated and the meat was marinated in a very hot cayenne pepper/barbeque sauce.  My mouth is still on fire from eating it.  I only ate the meat, leaving the not-very-tasty vegetables and the bread pocket itself.  Wouldn’t order it again, and probably wouldn’t even bother going back to this restaurant.

Feeling like the human torch, I decided to take a quick walk in the brisk, cold air and enjoy the fact that it wasn’t raining very hard.  I walked along a piece of the City Wall before heading back and weaving in and out of the buildings of the inner city.  Now, I think I’ll watch a movie until I get tired.

Northern Immersion - Boring in Northern Ireland Too

I woke up early to partake of eggs Benedict and Irish bacon on an English muffin in the Stir Restaurant in the bottom of my hotel.  It was eggscelent.  I sent a picture to my wife just to make her jealous.

JM met me and walked me to the office.  The weather this morning was cold, crisp, and sunny; which according to Billet is a great day in Northern Ireland.  I think his exact phrase was, “If it’s not raining, then it’s a great day.  If it’s sunny, then make sure you’re still in Ireland.”

I met the “guys” today…or at least nine of them.  They seem like a great bunch of guys.  I surprised and impressed them all by knowing each of their names.  CD actually asked me how I did that when we had lunch together.  Day 1 is always the slowest day, because we have to get in a rhythm, learn each other, and do an overview of integration.  In other words, I’m now boring in two countries.  As a matter of fact, the class didn’t perk up until I gave them a one and a half hour lunch.  It really perked up when I let them go around 3:30 p.m.  I guess that transcends countries.

CD, his brother SD, and PS invited me out for lunch at Quay West (pronounced Key West).  They got a pitcher of some sort of fruit beer, which went surprisingly well with the battered cod and chips.  Completely delicious.  I had a great time getting to know them.

This afternoon the sun disappeared and it started raining again.  Well, it was nice while it lasted.  I had let the guys go early, so I decided to attempt a stroll around the city.  I was not prepared for the sub-arctic temperatures, howling wind, or stinging rain; which, of course, waited until I was on the other side of the river…as far away as possible from the hotel…before deciding to attack me.  I did manage some beautiful pictures of the Peace Bridge before heading back.  This bridge was built across the river to create a unity between the Protestants and Catholics that had been warring in Northern Ireland for years.  This is mostly history as the two sides of intermingled through the years.  The bridge is a beautiful winding causeway with artistic construction and graceful lines.  It’s lit above by white lights and below by purple lights that reflect off the river in moving waves of colors.

Just off the river is a beautiful church that climbs into the sky with orange-brick filigree, ending in a Big Ben-like clock tower.  I can see the church from my room and hear the bells toll every hour.  The clock takes on a pink luminescence at night, I’m assuming so it’s not so bright.  It was very pretty against the dark-blue, black stormy sky.

Now, off to meet the guys for a pint and a football match.  Go Ireland!

----

Back from the match.  Grabbed a quick dinner in the Stir Restaurant downstairs, so I wouldn’t miss too much of the match.  I tried a Caesar salad and Sweet Potato, Turnip, and Honey soup.  Didn’t care for the salad, but I’ve never been big on Caesar.  The soup was interesting.  I sat next to two other Americans who had to be some of the most boring people I ever eavesdropped on.  They were talking nonsense about Thanksgiving dinners in their past, and what they could cook to get people to change their plans and show up at their house.  But even the way they talked about it was boring.  “What did I cook on the grill?”  “You cooked the corn.” “I must have cooked something else.” “You also cooked some chicken.”  I was rolling my eyes at how stupid they were making Americans sound.

I high-tailed it out of there as fast as I could and got to the pub ten minutes into the match.  CD met me there with his brother and their friends.  He bought me a Guinness, because you can’t go to Ireland and not try a Guinness.  I had foreseen this inevitability, which is why I hydrated and ate some dinner before going.  I must be developing a tolerance, because it didn’t seem to affect me at all.  I did determine that no matter where I drink, I still hate alcohol.

The match was good.  Ireland pulled it out 2-0 and qualified for Euro 2016.  The place was deafening.  Awesome experience!

Northern Immersion - Heading International Alone

Today, I embarked on my first solo international trip.  I flew to Northern Ireland for a 2-week training class.  I have been developing and practicing the Integration Immersion class for months now.  All of it has led to this moment when it finally gets rolled out to our new office in Derry, Northern Ireland.  Although, based on how the trip started out, I wasn’t sure I was going to have an adventure at all.

Apparently, the administrative assistant that was supposed to be booking my trip screwed it up.  She booked me to fly into Heathrow, London on Saturday and Belfast, Northern Ireland on Saturday, which is impossible since the trip to London takes overnight, so the airline cancelled my trip.  Luckily, she had double-booked me with both British Airways and American Airlines.  But it meant I had to run to a completely different terminal for my flight.  Anyway, I made it just in time for the boarding thanks to some nice people that let me cut in front of them in the security line.

The flights went off without too much of an issue.  I had a taxi to meet me in Belfast and drive me the 73 miles to Derry.  The driver, Billet, was very talkative and informative throughout the entire drive.  He gave me facts about history, economics, politics, industry, and his own life.  It was great. 

It was cloudy and drizzling the entire drive; which apparently has been the norm here lately.  I grabbed an amazing lunch at the Lyric Bar & Grill.  I had the steak and Guiness pie, which was a layer of mashed potatoes and peas, topped with filo bread and Guiness-cooked steak, and served with a side of carrots and potatoes.  Stuffed and happy, I decided to take a stroll around town to walk it off.  I tried to track down the location of the office, which was hidden better than Jimmy Hoffa’s grave.  I finally gave up when it started to rain and headed back to take a nap.

JM and his wife, KM, arrived around dinner, so we grabbed a good parmesan cheese and bacon burger at Custom House.  They were knackered (Vee word) from their flight, so headed back to the hotel to call it a night.  I finally drifted off around midnight local time.

Northern Immersion - Rain…Rain…and More Rain

Well, I saw on the news this morning that apparently a tropical storm is blowing over the UK right now.  And apparently there is another tropical storm right behind it.  So, today was pretty wet and gloomy again.  The lady at the front desk made a comment about the rain, and I said, “It’s pretty much what I expected Northern Ireland to be.”  I assumed the green came from somewhere, and apparently that somewhere is all the rain this area gets.  I’m a little surprised that the grass around here has adapted to survive on the three or four days of sun this area gets all year.  Okay, maybe it’s a little more than that.

Class was not much fun today.  The guys were complaining about all being tired from being out late at the game.  And of course today I had to talk to them about calculated fields.  Not exactly the most exciting topic.  The afternoon didn’t get much better when we got into security.  The bored grumblings turned into outright cussing when none of the security activities worked as expected.  I’m seriously tired of the GMS tenant refreshes.  It’s making my life a nightmare.  I think the guys walked away more confused than they started, which is never a good thing with security.

Lunch was good.  Went out with SD and his brother CD to Danano’s, an Italian restaurant, and had an amazing calzone.  It had pepperoni, chicken, beef meatballs, bell peppers, and jalapenos.  It also took up half the plate.  SD and CD are big guys and can put away some food.  I was not going to be outdone, though.  I was the last to finish, but I ate that whole thing.  They seemed impressed.

Dinner was also good.  The management and training team invited me out to join them at Pier 59, a seafood restaurant down near the river.  I had the baked trout and stir-fried vegetables.  The fish was so moist and tender, and the juice perfectly complimented the squash, bell peppers, and carrots.  I finished it off with a triple scoop of chocolate ice cream, marshmallows, and berries in a cinnamon-honey bowl.  Since KM, JM's wife, and I were pretty much the odd “men” out, I kept her engaged and entertained at the end of the table, while the others talked about work.  KM is up here looking for houses to rent, when she and JM move over in March.

The rain had finally stopped after dinner, so I came back to the hotel and worked some more.  It’s a little after midnight now, so I’m going to sign off.  Good night all.

Sign Titles

On the BBC News this morning, they had someone doing sign language for the news program.  I wonder if you could hear, but also know sign language, then would watching this on the news be like having subtitles?

Crosswords in Pen

I think some of the bravest people in the world have to be people who do crossword puzzles in pen. That takes another level of cockiness and confidence.

Super Bald

I learned today that baldness is genetic.  And that even though baldness can occur from environmental factors as well, it will not change the genetic make-up and carry on to your descendants.  

Unless...if you are maybe exposed to some sort of radiation, gamma ray, x-ray, etc. that happens to alter that particular gene in your body.  Of course, you might also become a superhero.  But wouldn't that suck if you were bitten by a radioactive spider or exposed to gamma rays, and the only super power that you developed was male-pattern baldness?

Flood Gauge

I saw a flood gauge tonight that went from 1 to 8 feet. I'm thinking that if you're in a car seeing it say 8 feet, then it's already too late.

If I Only Had a Shirt

I found out today that a mouse has approximately 25,000 genes. Imagine that...25,000 pairs of genes and no shirts.

Me Without You

It's only been one night and already I miss you. I want to see your face and the way your eyes light up when you look at me. How is that possible? How is it possible when I come home with food and drink spilled all over me for you to still look at me like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world? I miss you. I miss your scent. I miss your arms and how I fit perfectly in them. I miss how soft your lips are when you kiss my cheek. I miss your laugh, and how you can always make me smile even on the worst days. I miss your stories. How is it that you always have something new to tell me? I wish I was with you right now...wherever you are.

Murder She Attracteth

I think someone like Jessica Fletcher in the TV show 'Murder She Wrote' would be the worst friend ever. Everywhere she goes, someone dies. As a matter of fact, most of the people die in her own town of Cabot Cove. I mean this can't be that big of a town, so with as many seasons as that show ran, how many people could still be alive in that town?! Do they have some evil real estate agent out there replenishing the stock of meat fodder just so she can continue writing books?!

And this goes on no matter where she goes. Other towns, other countries. She's a death magnet!

Science and God

I hate when people "justify" the non-existence of God because they can explain things with science. Science is a means of understanding, it's not a means of creation. Every experiment is only a discovery of something that already existed. Nothing is new. Nobody is proving that God doesn't exist. They're only understanding that this is how God put it all together.

They think that just because they can take a cell, add some enzymes and catalysts, and make something new; that they have created something. But where did the cell come from? Where did the enzymes and catalysts come from? Man didn't create them. Go ahead and tell me that they were synthesized in a lab somewhere. The parts used to synthesize them were not created by man either. Man only took what already existed and recreated something that God put in motion millions of years ago.

If man wants to prove that God doesn't exist, then he'll have to start from scratch. Take nothing and create a nucleus or a chromosome or link DNA together in the exact correct way to form a specific human with specific traits in a specific way. God didn't start with someone else's raw materials, so why does man think he can get away with doing it and prove that there is no God?!

I Am Second

I see a lot of people wearing these I AM SECOND bracelets. It's the latest in Christian-based fads inspired by the Newsboys song of the same name. The point of the bracelets is to remind us that God should be first in in our lives, and we are second.

However, I am not really a fan of these bracelets. I feel like they're putting the focus back onto ourselves instead of on God where it belongs. Why does it always have to be about us? Why can't we wear bracelets that say GOD IS FIRST?

It really has nothing to do with us. It doesn't matter where we rank. It's all about keeping our eyes focused on God. 

“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:2 NASB

Like the lyrics of the song written by Helen Lemmel in 1922 based on the same verse:

1. O soul, are you weary and troubled?
   No light in the darkness you see?
   There’s light for a look at the Savior,
   And life more abundant and free!

o    Refrain:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

2. Through death into life everlasting
   He passed, and we follow Him there;
   O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
   For more than conqu’rors we are!
3. His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
   Believe Him, and all will be well:
   Then go to a world that is dying,
   His perfect salvation to tell!

Disappointing

In the grand scheme of life, it may seem like a splinter

But in the boundary of my world, it's a cancer

Whether you think I can cope or not, it's still hard

It's still a problem, and it's disappointing that you find my problems small

I never found your struggles small, I never tried to shrug them away

It's disappointing

I needed support, I needed understanding

And what I got instead was "it could be worse"

Yes, of course it could, but at the moment it's crushing my entire world

So it's big to me

It's disappointing

How Far Would I Go?

Me:  I'd follow you to the ends of the earth.
Spousal Unit:  Really?
Me:  Yeah, but that's it. I'm not going to space for you.
Spousal Unit:  Pfft! It might be fun...an adventure!
Me:  There also might not be air or gravity.
Spousal Unit:  You wear a suit...gah!

Humpty Dumpty...the Missing Verses

Humpty Dumpty is really just an allegory for the fall and redemption of man:

What we know:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

And all the kings horses and all the kings men

Couldn't put Humpty back together again

What we're missing:

Because the best things of earth

Couldn't give him new birth

What Humpty was missing

For the mending and fixing

Was a perfect King's blood

Shed for Humpty in love

Waze

My boss recently got me on Waze...the social GPS. It works by taking the input from drivers, such as traffic or accidents, and determines the path of least resistance. For each contribution, the driver gets 6 points. 

Unfortunately, while my boss was trying to report heavy traffic one day, he ran into the car in front of him.  So before getting out, he reported an accident at his current location. When the police car arrived, he reported that too. His accident caused traffic to go to a standstill, so he reported that as well. All in all, he was ecstatic at the number of points he racked up in one go.

The Glass is Half Empty...Half Full...No, Wait...

Trying to program a software enhancement, as told through the age-old question of "Is the glass half empty or half full?"

The business analyst told the team today that the requirement for the project is for us to get the water into the glass and to see if the glass ends up half empty, which is the expected result, or half full, which would indicate failure.

Upon hearing this, the technical team went into a huddle for several minutes before assuring us that if we can find a way to get the water into the glass, then theoretically it should hold. They also directed us on the type of water and glass to use for optimal performance. While they had no guidance on how to actually get the water into the glass, one of the younger members did point out that it's entirely possible that the glass is twice as large as it needs to be. This stupid idea was quickly quashed, and he was reassigned to another team.

While a sub-team convened in another room to tackle the "how" question, the main team contacted the regulatory department to file the needed paperwork to get the water turned on at the source. However, regulatory did not understand exactly why we needed the water, so they refused to comply, citing SLA and privacy laws. It took 3 days and a 35-page design document to convince them that the request was legitimate.

The sub-team returned with 17 easel pad sheets outlining a detailed schematic for a pitcher that theoretically could be used to gather the water from the source and transfer it to the glass. The schematics also called for a lip to be installed on the pitcher to aid in water transfer. The idea was immediately applauded, and a prototype team was sent off to mock up a physical construct of the design.

The quality team developed 53 pages of test scenarios, describing every possible way that the water could be poured from the pitcher into the glass, along with details on how we could ensure that we had reached exactly half of the glass.  A random sample population was designated to be testers to give an unbiased cross-section of the user base.

In the meantime, a ticket needed to be logged with platform support to gain security access to put the water in the glass from the pitcher, because we didn't have access to do that. Unfortunately, after 5 business days, platform support told us that the water we were trying to use was on the restricted list, and we would need to use something else.

All designs were scrapped, prototypes were halted, and the team reconvened for another meeting to discuss possible next steps.

The project leader went hunting.

International Butt Dial

One morning, I got a call from my mother-in-law in Greece. When I picked up, all I heard was background noise, but she didn't say anything. When we talked to her later, we asked her about it, and she said that she must have called by accident.  My first International butt dial!

Shake What Your Momma Gave You, Herbie!

My daughter's school called today and said that she has some boogies and they were afraid she would pass it on to some of the other children. I told the lady not to worry because having rhythm isn't contagious. Ba-doom-tah!

Yak Hair

I read an article that yak hair was used to create werewolf make-up in the early days of cinema. Apparently, yak hair has the same consistency, feel, and look of human hair. As a matter of fact, it's so realistic, that many rich people back in the day would have wigs made out of yak hair.

Can you imagine the guy that has the job to shave the yaks? I don't imagine it's a picnic for the yaks either.

Happy Birthday to Me

This was a birthday that I'll never forget.  At the exact minute that I turned 36...at precisely 9:33 a.m....I was flushing a dead lizard down the toilet.  The very next moment, my lovely wife burst through the door and wished me a happy birthday.  Needless to say, I had a very strange range of emotions at that moment.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 11

We woke up today and something had changed.  Our hearts were no longer into the trip.  We missed the familiarity of home, the convenience of a kitchen to cook when we wanted, and shampoo that didn’t come in little bottles.  We decided to head to Devil’s Den State Park for the day, and then cut the trip short and make the drive back to Flower Mound, TX.

We only hiked one trail, the Devil’s Den Trail, being as that is what the park is named for and all.  The scenery was beautiful, but it was a very challenging trail.  If you don’t like steps, then this is not the trail for you.  Also, I can’t say that it was all that peaceful and calm, considering that we started the trail at the same time that two school buses pulled up and unloaded sixty 8-year olds intent on hiking the same trail.  Their shrill voices echoed off the rock walls of the ravine, each one louder than the last as if in a contest to outtalk each other.  This is bat hibernation season, but I don’t think they could get much sleep with that racket going on!

We then drove the five hours back home and found the place much the same as we left it…square and cozy.  I’m off to do laundry.  This is me…signing off.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 10

Today was another travel day; this time from Petit Jean State Park to Devil’s Den State Park for the last leg of our journey.  It was a little warm today, so instead of heading to the park, we decided to visit Fort Smith, AR.  On a recommendation from our friend Scott, we went down to the River Walk at the Fort Smith Historic Site.  Apparently, back in the 1800s Fort Smith was known, of all things, for its hanging executions.  They have a whole museum dedicated to the incarceration and hanging of famous criminals from the area.  In an effort to “celebrate” this morbid historical feat, they have a replica gallows built on the grounds, complete with trap doors and everything.  While viewing the gallows with the fascination of a car accident, I was falsely accused of being a turd by my wife and forced to hang for my crimes.  It was all in good fun until she left me hanging there to go off and take pictures of the prison wagon.

The River Walk was a beautiful windy path along the banks of the Arkansas River.  At various points along the path, there were signs commemorating the events leading up to and following the Trail of Tears.  It was sad to read about how the Native Americans were coerced by the government into debt and then forced to sell their land to pay off what they “owed.”

We also visited another local favorite, Ms. Laura’s House of Prostitution, now a historical monument and visitor’s center.  I walked inside, covering my face in shame, hoping that nobody would recognize me.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 9

Who says God doesn’t read my blog?!  Only crazy people, that’s who!  We woke up this morning to a torrential downpour raging outside…the forerunner of the incoming cold front that is sliding across the state.  Imposing black skies, rumbling thunder, and massive raindrops were the players in the drama unfolding outside. (Which really sucks when you’re trying to sleep in for a change!)  In addition to all of this, the temperature had also dropped 20 degrees over night!  I’m so glad I brought that ONE pair of long pants.  I guess I’ll be wearing them for the rest of the trip.  It’s a good thing we’ll be outside, so at least they can air out the smell every day.

So, let’s recap.  Much-needed rain?  Check.  Cooler temperatures?  Check.  Actually, this is eerily like our first anniversary here, which did exactly the same thing.  We still have fond memories of snuggling up together under a blanket on the porch in the morning, sipping our hot chocolate and watching the puffs coming from our mouths as our chocolate-warmed breath steamed the frigid air.  Maybe tomorrow morning.

So, already tired of almond butter sandwiches, beef jerky, and chocolate/oat protein bars for breakfast, I decided to go crazy and change it up.  So, I had almond butter sandwiches, beef jerky, and dried apricots instead!  We ate out on the porch again, swaying in our porch swing, watching the storm along with a myriad of God’s creatures who apparently also wanted out of the rain.  We had walking sticks, leaf insects, millipedes, spiders, mosquitoes, and slugs all living in harmony with us as we ate (to be completely honest, the mosquito wasn’t being harmonious, so he got squashed pretty much right off).  We also had a nice long chat with the woman in the cabin next door, who was from Houston, TX of all places.  (It should be noted that this woman gets a special place in my heart, because she not only asked what I did for a living, but continued to probe me for more details after I told her I was a software developer.  On top of that, she was just as interested in me as she was by my exotic, Greek wife…which is completely unheard of!)

We had to change cabins today, a side-effect of waiting until the last minute to decide where you want to spend your money…uh, I mean vacation.  So, we furiously packed our stuff, by which time the rain had stopped, and restuffed the car.  We then checked out…and then checked back in again…before heading over to Cedar Falls Overlook.  (At least the same woman did both parts.  It would have been strange if one woman checked us out, and then someone completely different had to check us back in again.)  We wanted to see if the overnight rain had had any effect on the Falls.  It hadn’t.  It’s going to take more rain than that apparently.

This was followed with a scenic lunch in the Mather Lodge restaurant before heading to Davies Bridge.  This was where we found our second gem of the trip.  While trying to get a better view of the bridge, we hiked a little bit of the Boy Scout trail.  This part of the trail was beautiful, but the gem we found was a local photographer who was hiking the trail from the opposite direction.  He was stopped for a smoking break, and he engaged us in conversation as we went by.  He proceeded to talk to us about the area, where the best views of the park were, where the best photographs of changing leaf color were, and how the Forest Rangers have been getting lazy about cleaning up the fallen trees in the creek (he seemed very passionate about this, that’s why I mention it).  We followed him back down the trail, so he could point out some amazing sites that we would have missed otherwise, like a cool rock overhang and a breathtaking waterfall nestled deep in the woods.

On our “gem’s” recommendation, we headed down the Red Bluff Drive, which takes you to several overlooks that look out over the surrounding forests and valleys.  The drive ends at a site called Rock House Cave, which is a massive Native American shelter formed from the river eating away at the rock over thousands of years.  In the back, with the help of a flashlight, we were able to see pictographs left from the previous occupants.  I wonder how many people miss these, because it’s too dark to see.  The other cool formation in this area is the Turtle Rocks, which are these huge round mounds sticking out of the ground that have square-looking plates all over them.  These were formed by water bubbling up from below the rock as well as water cutting the patterns from above.  Obviously, as you probably guessed from the name, they resemble hundreds of giant turtle shells on either side of the trail.

Now, it’s back to the cabin to cook all of the food that we brought…yes, this one actually has a full kitchen!  Yeah!  The smells emanating from the kitchen, even as I type this, are making me crazy hungry.  Any minute now, I’m expecting raccoons to show up on the back porch, holding out plates.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 8

Well, the lack of kitchen didn’t take long to develop.  I found out that all we had brought for breakfast was canned biscuits and eggs.  So, we had to improvise with what we had…which ended up being a delectable meal of almond butter sandwiches, beef jerky, and a chocolate/oat protein bar.  At least I’ll have plenty of energy for the hiking today.  On a positive note, we get to eat it outside on the porch swing.  The weather feels absolutely amazing today.

Later that day…

I have determined that the formula for trail difficulty computes to something roughly in the neighborhood of the following…where TD is Trail Difficulty, RT is Relative Tiredness, and FOOS is how Fat and Out Of Shape you are.

TD = 1/RT

RT = 1/FOOS

Therefore, TD = FOOS

Trail difficulty is inversely proportional to how relatively tired you are.  How relatively tired you are degrades as the day wears on, the rate of which is inversely proportional to how fat and out of shape you are.  Thus, we can conclude that trail difficulty is equal to how fat and out of shape you are, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the trail difficulty printed on the stupid brochure.

For instance, we took a “Strenuous” trail in the morning, descending 200 feet down into Cedar Creek Canyon and ending up at Cedar Creek Falls.  While exhausting, we completed it with relative ease.  Later in the day, we took an “Easy” trail to go see Bear Cave, which nearly killed us both.  As a matter of fact, my wife is still lying outside on the steps to the cabin moaning…I probably should go check on her, or at least ask her to keep it down.  The moaning is getting distracting.

Cedar Creek Falls were a bit disappointing this time, as the water coming over the edge was merely a trickle, compared to the deluge it was the last time.  I guess they haven’t had a lot of rain this year, which would also account for the lack of changing color in the leaves.  But sometimes it’s not about the destination, but the journey; and we enjoyed feeling the burn in our legs and the fresh air in our lungs.  To put it into my wife's own words as we descended back up the 200 feet to the trailhead, “Oh my god!  I can’t feel my legs anymore!  Whose stupid idea was this anyway?!  Oh that’s right…yours!  You better keep moving, because if I catch you, I’m going to use what little energy I have left to throttle you with my walking stick!”  I, on the other hand, was scampering up the trail, jumping from rock to rock, like a mountain goat…or a spry young man of…dare I say…34.  Having no issues at all, and never once bending over to wheeze like an asthmatic on a treadmill.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:  All events described here are completely accurate and 100% honest.  They have not been changed or embellished in any way.  You should only believe what you read here and ignore any protest or dissenting opinion by my spousal unit.

After a short siesta at the cabin, we decided to try our luck with Bear Cave Trail.  The day had really warmed up, and it wasn’t as pleasant to be out on the trails.  I…I mean, some other guy that looks nothing like me at all…was sweating from places that he didn’t know he could sweat with moisture that he wasn’t aware he still had in his body.  This same guy’s…uh…this complete stranger that we met on the trail’s…joints were also popping more than a bowl of Rice Krispies.  Poor shmoe…if only he were more like me.  Instead of the invalid lying on a bed, writing in his blog, that I’m sure he is tonight.  Nope, nothing like me.

Bear Cave has the Eye of the Needle, a series of huge rocks with narrow crevices in between.  Standing in the majesty of these massive boulders dwarfed us and made us feel completely insignificant.  It’s always a wonder to see the things that God can make.

The rest of the hike would have been uneventful, except for a funny (at least to me) incident that my wife had with a swarm of determined mosquitoes.  Apparently, her sweat is like catnip (or maybe mosqnip?) to them.  No matter how hard she tried to kill them or swat them away, they would not be deterred.  In fact, the harder she tried, the more mosquitoes that showed up.  Pretty soon she had a halo of dancing mosquitoes rotating around her head.  She finally put her coat over her head, and they left her alone…only to come after me.  So, off to nurse the little red whelps starting to rise up all over my body.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 7

Today was a long day of traveling.  It was made even longer by the fact that we could only get radio for Country or Mexican stations along the way…nothing against them, but it wasn’t happening.  Today also officially marked the end of the Texas portion of our vacation and the beginning of the Arkansas portion.  Due to the fact that the GPS didn’t want to go along the roads that we wanted to go, I had to go all old-school and pull out the paper map.  My wife looked at me like I had lost my mind…these young ‘uns nowadays!

We took a route that brought us through College Station.  We toured around town for a little bit, basking in nostalgia and gaping at the more recent construction.  It’s amazing how much things have changed in the last seven years.  For old times sake, we thought we’d have lunch at one of our favorite places from back in the day, but when we started to think about it, we realized that our “old” selves can’t eat that crap anymore.  So, we settled on Schlotzky’s.

Our first stop in Arkansas was the site of our one-year anniversary, Petit Jean State Park.  The park is nestled in a picturesque forest just west of Little Rock, so we had a beautiful drive down I-30, cutting through tree-lined tunnels of highway on our way.  Of course, all I saw of this was a green blur, because Mario Andretti (a.k.a. my wife) was racing down the road trying to beat the sunset.  She didn’t even slow down as we got closer to the park, and the roads got narrower and single-laned.  There were some curves that I could literally feel the car starting to drift across the pavement as the wheels on my side left solid ground.  But due to my wife's manic obsession with stopping to get gas every time we used a quarter of a tank, and my thimble bladder screaming to be taken seriously and not to be ignored, we didn’t make it to the park until after dark.

Imagine our surprise when we found out the cabin we had procured, while nice, didn’t have a kitchen in it.  This might not seem like a big deal, except for the fact that we had loaded up with things that we could cook…on the stove…in a pan.  This ought to be interesting…I’ll keep you posted as this develops.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 5

Today, I had the opportunity to go to Flatonia, TX and play golf with my father.  I say ‘play golf,’ but it might be more accurate to say that we went hunting, since we spent more time in the woods ‘hunting’ for our wayward golf balls, than we actually did on the golf course.  It might not seem possible, but I had a few drives off the tee box that actually went for negative yards.  It was so bad, that my father actually said that the safest place for him to stand was directly in front of me.

I found that the true strength of my golf game was in…well, in nothing.  Let me put it in perspective for you.  I managed to 14-putt a hole…it was a par 3.  I managed to suck in every aspect of the game.  I guess that’s not entirely true.  I became a master of the worm-burner, which became useful when we were trying to hit out from under the trees…which as I said above was quite often!  We played best ball, so my father’s drives compensated for my lack off the tee box.  His fairway game and short game compensated for my lack in those areas as well.  I had some sweet shots with a 6 iron, and I had a single hole that I managed to bogey all on my own.  Otherwise, I was just there to make his game look better.

Later in the evening, we went to the Flatonia High School football game.  Well, I went for the football.  My father went for the cheerleaders, and my stepmother went for the socializing and people watching.  My wife didn’t want to go at all, which was fine, because then I didn’t have to explain the game to her!  I’d like to say that it was a good game, but it was more like watching a train wreck from both sides.  Of course, that could be in part because I’ve been watching high school football in the Dallas area, where all of the high schools are ranked as the top schools in the state.  Oh well, train wreck or not, it’s hard to go wrong when you’re watching football (unless it was that Seattle-Denver debacle in last year’s Super Bowl).

Tomorrow is some car maintenance before we hit the road for Arkansas.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 4

Today, we decided to spend the day in the stars, and we went to the Burke Baker Planetarium at the Houston Museum of Natural Science.  We watched a show on how the Egyptians used the stars to navigate, build temples, plan the growing season, and tell time.  Unfortunately, we got to the first show late, thanks to a detour to Bellaire Broiler Burger for lunch.  But I think spending time eating the best hamburger on the planet was definitely worth it.  The flame-kissed patty grilled to perfection laid out on a toasted bun, smothered in melted cheddar cheese and extra-crispy bacon, loaded with flavor, the smell of which cooking will make you salivate from the parking lot.  It’s also interesting to note that neither the restaurant décor nor the staff has changed in the last twenty-some years.  Anyway, I digress…

As I said, we arrived to the show late and we had to be escorted in by one of the staff.  On the one hand, we got VIP service, but on the other hand, we had to sit in the crappy chairs that were apparently left vacant for a reason.

The next show was better, as we got there early and had our choice of seats.  The show was better as well, as it pertained to Black Holes and the little that we actually know about them.  Which led to a lively debate on how it can be a former star collapsed in on itself but be a hole with no substance at the same time.

During one of the shows they told us that there would be a quarter solar eclipse this evening.  Stupidly, I decided that I could capture this event on film, so I went outside and tried to take a picture of it.  I’m not sure if my experiment was actually successful or not, because I’m now blind from looking into the sun.  Apparently, three quarters of the sun is still enough to make you see spots for the rest of the night.  Thank goodness for the typing classes in high school, or I wouldn’t have been able to do this entry today (I knew you were wondering…).

We did make a detour through the museum late in the day, mostly because it was free after 3 p.m. (Yes, I’m a cheapskate).  They had a very impressive dinosaur exhibit, recently redone.  I think my favorite was Slothzilla, the ginormous ancestor of the modern-day sloth; although, the building-size Pterodactyl skeleton was also pretty impressive.  The exhibit is definitely worth going to see in its own right.

That’s all I can manage tonight, and now I’m going to rest my eyes.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 2

We found an unexpected jewel in Kerrville, TX this morning.  While we were packing the car to head back to Fredericksburg, TX, my wife noticed this gigantic iron cross standing on a hill behind our hotel.  I’m not sure how we missed it the day before, considering we drove right by it on the way into town, but I’m guessing that it must have been that the dark red iron was somehow camouflaged against the blue sky.

So, we took an unplanned detour to The Coming King Prayer and Sculpture Garden.  There were several sculptures by the entryway with the main garden being situated on the top of a hill, a windy drive up to it.  The garden itself was arranged in the shape of a cross.  You start your walk through it from the foot and work your way up the trunk, around the arms, and end up at the head.  

Your journey takes you through significant events in the life of Jesus, starting with a sculpture of Him holding a fishing net.  He’s looking out into the distance, giving you a sense that He’s calling to Peter on his boat and asking him to follow Him and be a fisher of men.  As you make your way up the pathway, you’ll notice Bible verses embedded in the ground, each verse proclaiming Jesus’ purpose, His love, His power, His majesty, or His divinity.  What’s equally special about the verses is that each one is depicted in Spanish, English, and German (a tribute to this area being an early German settlement).  Seventy-seven verses in all speak to you as you make your way around the garden and back to the beginning again.

From the trunk you branch off into the arms.  On one side you view a sculpture of Jesus stripped down, hair hanging in His face, down on His knees, washing His disciple’s feet.  The power of that moment etched in bronze, teaching us by example to be servants to each other.  On the other side is a large globe with a Bible at its base, open to the Great Commission at the end of the book of Matthew, empowering us to go and make disciples of all men, sharing with them the gift of the cross.

Your journey comes to its climax at the head where you’re dwarfed by an enormous 77-foot iron cross.  It is visible for miles in every direction, calling people in to experience the ministry of Christ and how He died for each and every one of them, so they would finally have a way into Heaven.  It stands empty, symbolizing that Jesus is no longer on it, but is now in Heaven with the Father.

There is an ambiance in the background as Christian music continuously plays, filling you with peace as you stop and admire the detail and craftsmanship in every sculpture.  The story goes that a musician was driving along I-10 when the Holy Spirit laid it on his heart to exit it off the road.  He obeyed and found himself in The Coming King Prayer and Sculpture Garden.  He was immediately overwhelmed by the presence of God in the place and spent the next 40 days in prayer and worship.  At the end of his pilgrimage, the Holy Spirit once again spoke to his heart and told him to donate all of his musical equipment to the project.  He once again obeyed and within days a sound system was set up in the gardens.  It has continuously played worship music for visitors for the last five years.

You are encouraged to pick up a rock from the surrounding grounds and write a personal message on it.  There is a pathway etched in the rocks from visitors over the years.  Some leave their favorite Bible verses, some a testimony of thanksgiving, some a prayer for blessing or healing.  Whatever message you’re compelled to write, you can nestle it in with hundreds of other voices all sending their words into the brilliant sky above.

If you decide to go and visit this beautiful place, which I definitely recommend you do, be sure to say hi to Tom and Mary for me.  This wonderful couple is chaplain at the gardens, and they greeted us with bright smiles and hugs.  They openly gave us their testimony and prayed for our journey.  Obviously, by the fact that I spent so much time describing it, you can tell I was very moved by this experience.  It’s going to be hard to top that with describing the rest of the day, but I’ll try.

We did go back to Fredericksburg, TX only to be thwarted again!  This time the candle shop was open, but the lady wasn’t there making candles.  So, the detour was a waste.  I hustled my wife out of town before she could find something else to buy.  After a quick lunch, we headed on to Lost Maples State Natural Area.

Walking down the trail to the pond brought back many memories from our wedding eleven years ago.  I harangued my wife with stories about my groomsmen and I being mistaken for a mariachi band as we hiked in full wedding garb and carried the equipment to erect her dress-changing pavilion.  She made me laugh with stories about her bridesmaids struggling to carry her wedding dress across the stepping stones in the river and the photographer wanting to take their picture every five minutes.

The pond where we said our vows was still exactly as we remember it, only without a troop of Boy Scouts running around, screaming and laughing.  We followed the path taken by the wedding procession as they made their way around the trail and down through the trees to where I was standing with the pastor.  On the very same spot where it all started, I asked my wife to go another ten rounds with me.

I’m a little disappointed to admit that there was not an immediate reply.  She gazed out over the pond, seeming to be giving it deep thought.  I squirmed uncomfortably in the heat and the awkward silence that followed.  Finally, she gazed back into my eyes, making my heart sound like Animal from the Muppets, and said, “Sure, why not.”  Not exactly the romantic declaration I was hoping for, but I’ll take it.  We then shared a steamy, gooey, very satisfying (if I do say so myself) Fig Newton cookie before heading back to the car.

Not much else to tell, except my allergies flared up, and I got a migraine.  Tomorrow is a day of much needed rest, hopefully with very little sitting in a car.

Break from Reality Anniversary - Day 1

Another anniversary trip, another diary.  We left the house today like a pair of three-legged turtles with asthmatic tendencies.  But who really cares…we’re on vacation?!  Not a lot going on for the majority of this day, except driving, driving, and more driving.  The destination today was Fredericksburg, TX.

We finally made it late in the afternoon.  I always love the quaint feel of this town with its little shops, crafts of all shapes and sizes, and friendly people.  It’s also a really neat-looking town, each shop displaying its own unique personality.  My wife had never been here before, and she was pleasantly surprised.  I think she felt that a small town in the middle-of-nowhere-Texas wouldn’t have much to offer.

Whether for good (for me) or bad (for my wife), we didn’t get to do a lot of shopping, because most of the shops started closing down around 5 p.m.  We might head back again tomorrow for a little while, since my wife didn’t get a chance to see the famous candle shop.

We got a hotel in Kerrville, TX and finished off our day with a lazy dinner at the Cracker Barrel…mostly because it was within walking distance of the hotel, and we were both exhausted.  Our waitress, Sarah, had a nice, warm smile; and she didn’t even mind picking me up out of my steak and gravy dinner when I fell asleep sometime during the meal.

I succumbed to the beast tonight and checked my work e-mail.  I immediately had a sharp pain under my left shoulder blade, my sinuses stopped up, and my eyesight started getting blurry.  I had a constricting tension in my chest, and I think I have permanently lost feeling in the little toe on my right foot.  The stress and anxiety that awaited me was immediate and apparent.  I have learned my lesson…no more work for the rest of the trip!