A Study in Green

I have asked my spousal unit to write her next research grant on breaking down and identifying the underlying components in flatulence. My hypothesis is that flatulence is not all the same, but is affected by the foods we eat. Thus, some flatulence has a smell, while others do not, just like some makes a sound while others do not. Furthermore, not all flatulence smells the same, so it must be affected by something.

But truly what I want her to prove is that with the release of every emanation, we give off a little bit of DNA with it. This identifying marker could finally be used to match the flatulence to the person and forevermore end the debate of who tooted on the elevator.

She adamantly refused, and told me the whole conversation was ludicrous. She followed it up by telling me that she might write a grant to determine how many brain cells she just lost listening to that stupid conversation. I think I need to take my ideas to a scientist with more innovative foresight.