Need a New Bed

Our memory foam bed has Alzheimer's.  It no longer knows how to find its form again.  Either that or there is a ghost sleeping in our bed right now, because there is an outline of a body still etched in the foam.

Vendor Specifications

Sometimes trying to read and interpret vendor specifications at work is akin to spending hours wondering what drugs they were on when they wrote them.

"Yes, after reading these specs, I'm detecting that at least eight separate narcotics were in use simultaneously when you wrote this. Please review and confirm after you're sober."

The Replacement Pact

I told my wife that if she dies, that I'm going to wait about a week and start looking for someone else. It is no disrespect to her memory, just that I can't be alone. She told me that she understood. She said that if I ever get sick that she'll start looking too. Wait...what?!

Duck in Flight

As we drove over the dam this morning, I saw a duck take off from the lake. He was flying so low that the tips of his wings were batting the water, leaving twin ripples in a wake behind him. The orange-red sunlight filtering through the purple clouds filled the ripples with moving colors.  What a beautiful way to start the day.

The Floor Mat

If I died, I wonder who would miss me.  I imagine people would show up at my funeral, even my vaguest acquaintances could do that. But who would actually care?  The sad truth of it is that the majority of the people that would probably care are at work. They'd probably miss me, but not for the right reasons. 

It's not because they've developed a life-long friendship with me or because I touched their lives in some way. No it's because they wouldn't have someone to ask their questions and even worse...they'd have to divvy up my workload among them. I have actually been told by several people (not in jest) that I can't leave my job; not because they'd miss my smile, or laugh, or witty sense of humor; but because I'm the only one that will take time to help them.

I'm constantly being used, and nobody really cares to get to know me in the process. It's sad. On the flip side, I need more true friends. People that don't care what I do for a living or what I can do for them.

Assessment Test

I took this assessment test at work. One of the sections was a series of math problems. The example in the instructions was encouraging:

16 / 4 = ?

Without thinking, I knew the answer was 3, and I immediately smiled and said to myself, "I am going to own this test!" I flipped to the first problem. I kid you not, this is what I was given:

(11^3)(1/3)(18%)(0.0825) = ?

What the heck is that?! How much further from the example could they have gotten on the first problem out of the gate?!

Having lost all confidence, I slowly slogged through this obvious test of genius, until I came to the last problem. It went something like this:

Phil saves 18% of every dollar he earns.  He works two jobs. At the first he makes $6.25 an hour. At the second he makes $7.50 an hour. Phil works a total of 40 hours a week between the two jobs. What other information do you need to solve this problem?

Are you freaking kidding me?! Who saw that coming?!

Weird Like Me

I love thinking up some weird idea, like a slogan for a t-shirt or sticker, and then Googling it only to find someone else has had the same idea. It's gratifying to know that there are people out there just as strange as me.

Lost Cat

There's a sign posted in my neighborhood that says, "Lost Cat - Black with White Paws." At first I thought these people felt like I would have felt in that situation...jubilation and exhilaration. Then I read further and saw it say, "Reward Offered." I was confused by this, because it seemed that they actually wanted the thing back...instead if enjoying the freedom of a house without a worthless animal that messes with all my crap and only shows me attention when it wants something.

That must have been a mistake.

New Year...New Workout

Being as it’s a new year, I decided to start working out again. Me and the other one hundred enthusiasts who stupidly believe that this year they'll actually stick with their workout routine for more than 4-6 weeks.

Based on a doctor's advice, I decided to give the elliptical machine a try.  High reward and low impact sounded exactly like what I needed. I picked one of the preset programs, and off I went. 

The first three minutes or so were ok as my body got used to exercise again. Then the machine made a strange noise and suddenly walking (or ellipticalling?) was not coming so smoothly anymore. I realized that the strange noise was the machine going from level 1 to level 3. Determined to give this a fair go, I grunted it out and struggled along for another three minutes. At which point the machine made that horrible noise again and jumped to level 6.

That's when my body started protesting the torture I was inflicting on it. My thighs were burning...I could literally see smoke coming off my pants. My knees suddenly decided that bending side to side was easier than front to back.  My legs felt like burning jelly, knees going side to side, the motion of the machine going forward and back. At one point I lost my balance and was almost thrown violently from the death-inducing device.  I managed to grab the handle just in time.

That's when I saw the little buttons on the handle to adjust the level up or down. I frantically started pushing the down button, only to have the machine override my attempts and keep it at level 6...all the while the stupid display is screaming "Peddle Faster!"

I finally managed to push the Stop button and was violently thrown off the machine in a heap. It was at this point the machine started beeping again. As if to add insult to injury, the screen flashed, "Workout Summary...Below Average." I have no idea why people don't stick with a workout routine.

Headstone

I've often wondered what I'd like to put on my headstone. Loving Husband, Playful Father, Grouchy Grandfather. But none of those things seems to incorporate all that is me. There's something lacking, something missing.

Well today I believe I have finally managed to condense all that I am into three words. 

Pants Are Optional

Brilliant!

Homeless Greek Chickens

Devastation in Greece, as thousands of chickens suddenly find themselves homeless. The Greek government announced that it will start to consider chicken coups as a residential domicile, and will tax the square footage on the coups at the same rate as homes. In an effort to reduce taxes in a time when everything is being taxed to the limit to pay off national debt, many families in Greece are demolishing their chicken coups...leaving thousands of chickens wondering where they'll find a warm bed in the coming nights.

Complimentary Donuts

"Your complimentary coffee and donuts suck, but I'm eating them anyway because they're free. But it tastes like I'm consuming tar and stones."

- BD's feedback to Volkswagen while waiting for the service on his car.

The Flying V

I'm sure you've been outside at one time and seen (or heard) a skein of geese flying overhead.  Geese are cool, because they fly in a "V" pattern, which helps them conserve energy by reducing air resistance for the goose behind them. Each goose takes a turn at the front, falling to the end when they get too tired. In this way, they can actually fly for longer distances before needing a rest.

But their are speculations that the formation also aids in coordination and communication among the geese. What this means is that it's possible that each goose has a specific responsibility while in a particular place in the formation. Kind of like a rugby team. 

So, if you were a goose, then where would you be in the goose formation? 

Me, I'd want to be second. That way, I could encourage and motivate the leader. Of course, it's only fair to mention that I'd probably also be leading a coup to take the flock away while the leader wasn't looking.

Voltron

One night when I was a kid, my mom and I stopped at some shop on our way home.  I can't remember what for, but it might have been a bowling shop.  Anyway, there on the counter was a Voltron toy.  For those of you unfamiliar with Voltron, it was a series of individual robot cats that could be put together to form a larger, much more powerful robot called Voltron.  I pestered my mom to buy it for me, pulling out all the stops with things like how I never asked for anything and how she was the best mom ever.  After making a scene of utter adorableness in front of the cashier, my mom finally relented.

When we arrived home that night, we found our front door standing wide open.  We'd been robbed.  They took everything of value.  I was too young to truly understand the implications of feeling scared or violated, but I did understand that my mom was upset.  We had lost everything.  We weren't rich, so I knew my mom hadn't really had the money to buy me that Voltron toy.  But she had, as a special treat.  And now, seeing the tears streaming down her face, I felt utterly horrible.  Crying my own tears, I took the toy to her and told her to return it.  I told her to use the money to replace our stuff.  Even to my child mind, the guilt was too much.  I couldn't enjoy playing with it because of the feelings attached to it now.

As she hugged me, she told me that I didn't have to return it.  I could keep it.  But she didn't protest when I insisted.  I think she understood.

Northern Immersion - Home

We had absolutely no issues with time as we drove across town, returned the rental car, and got checked into the flight.  I can only thank the Lord on High for watching over us with all of that chaos, because it could have been bad.  We had time to spare, so we grabbed a second breakfast at the airport (the first being a pathetic continental breakfast at the hotel).

In London, we had to go through two security checkpoints (one when we arrived and one when we were departing).  When we arrived at the check-in gate, I was selected for another random security check.  I had to be pat down, open up all of my bags for search, and answer a series of questions.  The guy even pulled out the cracker box in my bag and looked at the expiration date.  Apparently, it is a crime to transport stale crackers across international lines!  Terrorists don’t stand a chance with security measures like these.

The rest of the trip was uneventful.  We arrived in Dallas late the same day (traveling back in time has its advantages), located our car (which started, thankfully), and somehow found our way home (despite not having driven the route in weeks).  Tomorrow is going to be industrial laundry day and then back to work on Monday.  Sigh…

Well, I will always remember this trip fondly.  Thank you for reading through the adventure to the very end.  Hopefully, it will inspire you to have an adventure of your own.

Northern Immersion - The Final Countdown

Today, we started on the way back to Belfast.  The mood in the car is somber, at least from my side, like with every mile we’re drawing closer and closer to our boring life.  I guess I’m finally realizing that the magic of the trip is over.  I’ve been away almost four weeks, and I haven’t missed it one bit.  My wife asked me the other day if I was homesick, and I took a moment to think about it before answering, “Nope.”  And I’m not.  Not one bit.  I have been touring around Europe for a month, and I haven’t missed home or work at all.  I assume that eventually I would (at least home…probably not work), given enough time, but I’m so burnt out, so frustrated, so completely demoralized with the life I lead, that I am in no rush to get back to it.  I wish I had more time here.  But all good things must come to an end…at least when you’re not filthy rich and can lead a life of no responsibilities.

Just outside Dublin, we stopped at our third and final castle, Malahide.  Coming off the Blarney high, I was very much looking forward to another castle.  I couldn’t have been more disappointed.  From the outside, the castle was idyllic…from the rising battlements down to the ivy growing up the walls.  The inside; however, was a complete disappointment.  First of all, we had to take a guided tour.  There was no option to tour the castle on our own.  Second, we were rushed through the tour to make way for Santa Claus visiting the castle.  There were children everywhere, bundled up in their winter gear, eager to meet the big man and spout their list to him.  Finally, the castle had been lived in up until the 1970s, when it was sold because it was too expensive to upkeep.  So, the whole inside was modernized with wallpaper, running water, electricity, etc. 

The whole atmosphere of the castle was a house of extravagance and boasting.  They didn’t have portraits of the family hung about.  No, instead they had portraits of famous people the family knew, so they could show off and brag to their guests.  And these portraits covered every inch of every wall.  It was gaudy and ridiculous.  In the sitting room, the walls were painted in this hideous orange color.  According to the tour guide, the family had paid to invent their own paint color (known as Malahide Orange) because this would scream wealth.

Anyway, I didn’t think the tour was worth it.  The castle was situated on hundreds of acres of cultivated gardens.  The grounds were nice and peaceful, with wide-open spaces and ancient trees, but they lacked the magical feel of Blarney.

We arrived back in Belfast, trying to track down our hotel, which my wife had booked because it was near to the airport.  We soon discovered that it was indeed near to the airport, just not the airport we were flying out of the next day.  Belfast has two airports on opposite sides of town from each other.  It was too late to change hotels, so we just decided to get up earlier in the morning and make the drive across town.

The Holiday Inn Express – Antrim was a low-class hotel.  It was expensive because of its proximity to the airport, but the quality was terrible.  The worst part was the door to the room.  The first time we tried to leave, I couldn’t open the door.  The lock seemed to be set in a permanently open position, and the door wouldn’t close.  After several attempts, I finally slammed it with all of my might to get it to close.  When I complained about this to the front desk, the guy said that that was how they were supposed to work, because they were fire doors.  I have never seen this in a hotel.  But every time we left, we had to slam the doors; which was annoying and embarrassing at 5 o’clock in the morning when we checked out.  Oh well!

Northern Immersion - The Gift of Eloquence

Today, we finally got to the part of the trip that I had been looking forward to since long before I even went to Ireland.  We made the hour and a half drive down toward Cork to the small town of Blarney.  And it was there that we went to Blarney Castle.  The castle was pretty cool, situated on a rock and well laid out.  On the inside, there wasn’t much to it, just a hollowed-out shell.  But my aim was situated at the top of the castle in the skirting wall…the Blarney Stone.

The trek up the narrow winding staircases was pure torture.  Not because it was narrow and dark and steep.  Not because the steps rose endlessly story after story.  It was torture because my wife chose this moment to display a psychological condition that I wasn’t even aware that she possessed.  In scientific terms, it’s called acrophobia.  In layman’s terms it’s called fear of heights.  When I tell you that we were traversing the castle in an enclosed staircase, it might seem as odd and absurd to you as it was to me why she should have a fear of heights.  Claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces) I could see, but fear of heights?!  So, a trek that should have taken about 10 minutes ended up taking over an hour.  We had to stop every few steps so she could get her blood pressure down because she kept hyperventilating.  When we finally reached the top, she was so terrified of the view that she planted herself in a narrow walkway, back on one wall and hands on the other, and refused to go on.  I finally managed to coax her over to the Blarney Stone, but she nearly broke my hand with the death grip she had on me.  All of this struck me as profoundly hilarious.  Not because I’m insensitive to my wife’s plight, but because I am usually the one with a paralyzing fear of heights.  But today, I had no issues at all.

Anyway, back to the goal.  We made it to battlements running along the top of the castle and over to where the famed stone was situated.  There was a man sitting near it ready to assist any would-be travelers who wanted to kiss the stone.  I eagerly bounded over, smiling from ear to ear.  This was a chance of a lifetime.  One of the top 100 things to do before you die.  Legend has it that whosoever kisses the Blarney Stone will have the gift of eloquent speech, and here I was about to achieve it!  I was about to put my lips where millions of people have put their lips before me; some of the greatest lips in human history…Winston Churchill, Laurel and Hardy, and Mick Jagger.  I was about to put my lips on TripAdvisor’s Most Unhygienic Tourist Attraction in the World…and according to James, I’d probably get mono.  (Hmmm…after thinking about this a little bit, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.)

But I would not be deterred by this, so I laid down on the cold, hard battlement, reached back, grabbed the iron bands wrapped around the castle wall, leaned back, and planted one on that cold, dirty, blue-black stone.  And I have a picture and a certificate to prove it!

I’m happy to say that the going down wasn’t as bad as the going up.  My wife must have been sensing that the ground was getting closer, so she picked up steam the further down we went.  You might guess that that is all there is to tell about Blarney Castle, but you’d be wrong.  That isn’t even the best part.

Surrounding the castle are some of the most beautiful grounds and gardens I have ever seen.  Acre upon acre of trees, green grass, flowers and cultured gardens, rivers, waterfalls, and even a poison garden.  But the place that did it for me was the Rock Close.  It was a mystical place of huge boulders under giant trees with Druid Caves, Witch Stones, and the Three Wise Men.  And down near the back were the famous Wishing Steps.  Legend has it that whosoever walks down the Wishing Steps backwards with their eyes closed will always have their wishes come true.  Of course we both went down, me nearly falling off into the waterfall at the bottom before I knew I was at the end.

I wished I could live out the rest of my days on that land, so beautiful it was, but eventually we got kicked out.  We headed over to the Castle Hotel Bar for a late lunch of an incredible roast beef and vegetable soup before going to the Blarney Woolen Mills for a little bit of shopping.  The Blarney Woolen Mills is known as the largest Irish shop in the world, and with three floors of Irish everything, I can attest that it’s probably true.

It started to get dark after this, so we headed back to Limerick.  Realizing that everything would be closed again, we just decided to have dinner in the hotel restaurant again.  There isn’t a large selection of choices, so I had the tagliatelle again.  This time, the bartender turned on a championship rugby match between Worcester and Gloucester, so I spent the meal explaining the finer points of rugby as I don’t understand them…while she pretended to humor me while really playing games on her phone.

Blarney was the best way to end our trip!  I’m glad we saved it for last.

Northern Immersion - The Rains of Limerick

It was kind of a foul day today; gray, gloomy, and off and on showers.  So, we decided to hang around town and see some of the attractions on offer around here.  We started with Bunratty Castle and Folk Village.  This was the first time I have ever been in a real castle (or caislein as it’s said in Irish), and I was very impressed.  It was just as cool as you see in the movies…from big drafty rooms to extremely narrow staircases…from a dungeon to murder holes…from a private chapel and solars to cannon towers.  And the best part was that you got to walk through and experience them all up close.  I was even able to climb all the way to the top of the castle towers and look out at the countryside in all directions.  I imagined a soldier standing guard up here looking out at the river in one direction or the endless green fields with sheep and other livestock in the other, constantly vigilant for an enemy force.

As I mentioned, the staircases were extremely narrow and incredibly steep.  While touring around, we ran into a man doing some painting in one of the rooms.  He was eager for a break, so he stopped and talked to us about the history of the castle and the significance of some of the features.  When my wife made a comment about the staircases, he replied, “They were easier to defend.  You only had to fight one man at a time.  And the way they wind, the man coming up had to be left-handed.  If you were right-handed, then you’d hit the wall.  So, they’d call down to ask if anyone was left-handed.  That would be the first man to get it.”  He also told us about a tiny little window in one of the walls looking down into the Great Hall.  He said that women were not allowed to sit in the Great Hall during castle business, so they were sent upstairs to the solar.  However, they could watch the proceedings through this tiny window and thus know what was going on.

After the castle, we toured around the folk village.  The village consisted of various buildings from different time periods throughout Ireland’s history, such as fisherman huts and chapels.  It displayed the different architecture on display during different times.  In one farmhouse, we ran into a woman named Mrs. O’Kennedy.  She was a feisty old woman with opinions about everything…and I mean everything.  She had a very heavy accent and was the first person I have ever heard actually use the word “feck.”

We decided to head back to Limerick to have lunch and tour King John’s Castle.  We ate at a café called Jack Monday’s, which was a pretty nice place near the castle.  Unfortunately, it started raining pretty steadily while we were walking, so we were soaked by the time we got there.  It was still raining when we headed on to the castle.  For some stupid reason the castle was closed for some exhibit, so we couldn’t even go in.  We decided to walk on down the street and visit St. Mary’s Cathedral, which is a 900 year old Catholic church.  It was a large, stoic church with much of the features you’d expect in a Catholic church.

We ended the evening by heading into town and doing some shopping and getting some hot chocolate at Costa Coffee.  But it started raining badly again, so we just headed back to the hotel, eating dinner in the Absolute Bar & Grill.  My wife had a fried chicken dish, and I had a tagliatelle dish…both were excellent.  I was fortunate enough to also get to watch Chelsea defeat Porto to move on in the Champions League…so all in all, a good night.

Northern Immersion - The Wind of Change…I Mean Mohr

Today, we grabbed a quick breakfast at the hotel restaurant and then hit the road for the long drive to the Cliffs of Mohr.  It was raining at the hotel, but we were hoping for sunshine at the cliffs.  And we got it…got it and Mohr.  The sun was popping in and out of the gray clouds as they rolled across a beautiful blue sky.  The cliffs were dark; brown, gray, and tan bands running along their surface with tufts of tangled green on the tops.  When the sun would pop out from behind the clouds it would illuminate the colors, casting the bands of the cliffs in sparkling contrast to the dazzling greens.  And then it would be gone again, and the world would slide back into a dull moroseness.  From this perspective, it was a photographer’s dream.  What we were not expecting was the wind.

To quote A Walk in the Woods, “The wind was whooshing along noisily and steadily at a brisk 25 miles an hour, but gusting to at least double that, and from ever shifting directions.  At times when the wind was head-on, we would take two steps forward and one back.  When it came from an angle, it gave us a stiff shove towards the edge of the ridge.”  It was strangely ironic to read those very words the same day you experienced that exact phenomenon.  But words are not enough to describe what that kind of wind feels like to walk in, or to try to stand steady and take a photograph, or how cold and biting it feels on your exposed skin.  We were actually shocked to find out that the wind was blowing at so low a speed, as it felt like trying to stand upright in a hurricane.

But imagine the landscape for a moment.  You are on a cliff, approximately 700 feet above the Atlantic Ocean.  The landscape is barren…no trees and only short, scrubby grasses…for miles in any direction.  There is no shelter, nothing to hunker down behind.  It’s just you and the relentless wind.  And imagine that wind is blowing so hard that you have to stand at an angle in it just to keep upright…when suddenly it stops blowing from that direction and starts blowing from a different direction, causing your angled form to lose balance and then suddenly be pushed into a staggering run to deny gravity its victory. 

It felt like one of those movies where the hero is trapped in a ring of enemies and each enemy is taking a punch or kick at him, so he continuously flies across the ring, only to be punched or kicked by a different enemy and sent flying in a different direction.  Except you can’t see this enemy and you can’t anticipate where the next punch is coming from.  I imagine it’s much like the Shawn Mendes video for “Stitches.”

To give you one more visual at how hard the wind was blowing, close your eyes (not literally or you won’t be able to read what I write next) and picture a small, gentle, picturesque waterfall, trickling down the side of the cliffs in a wavy hap-hazard fashion.  Envision it’s swollen with the onslaught of rain that has been blowing through the last week.  See it cascading down off the cliff face hundreds of feet to splash into the blue-green ocean below.  And now imagine that the wind is blowing so hard that it is literally pulling the water off the face of the cliff and shooting it straight up into the air a hundred feet, so that to walk underneath it it feels like it’s raining.  And when you look up into it, all you see is blue skies and rain pouring out of nothing.

We had planned to try to take the Cliff Walk with Pat Sweeney, as we’d heard that was a great way to experience the cliffs.  But with the wind the way it was, we didn’t feel up to it.  So, we just toured around the area near O’Brien’s Tower and the Visitor’s Center before heading to Doolin to eat at Gus O’Connor’s Pub.

This was a little gem that my wife had found when researching the area.  It was a traditional Irish pub with a small town feel.  The staff was friendly, the food was good, and the fireplace was warm.  It was late in the afternoon, so there were only a few locals in there having a beer and discussing which movie George Clooney looked more handsome in (my wife would say none of them).  We had fish and chips, which was delicious until my wife ate all of my tartar sauce.  I swear…you leave your food unattended for three minutes and someone eats your tartar sauce.  Of course she claims that I had eaten it before I left, and that I must be losing my mind, but there was something untrustworthy in the gleam in her eye as she said it.  But I digress…

One particular feature about this pub that surprised us was the number of American dollar bills taped to the walls.  Each one with George Washington’s stern face looking out and a hand-written message from the traveler that had left it.  It was surprising to realize the number of Americans that must have visited this pub and sat where we were currently sitting.  So, of course, we had to keep with tradition and leave our mark as well.  So, if you’re ever in Gus O’Connor’s Pub look at the wall across from the fireplace for a dollar bill saying, “We left our heart in Ireland” with our names on the bottom.

We made a quick stop at the Rockshop; which sells all sorts of rocks, fossils, and precious stones; before heading back to the hotel.  For dinner, we left the hotel too late and most of the best places were closed.  My wife had a desire for pizza, so we wandered around until we found Just Eat Pizza, Burgers, and Kebabs.  It was run by a couple of Indian guys…this is important because there were Indian spices lacing everything.  My wife asked for chicken on her pizza and got Tandoori chicken.  The sauce also had an unmistakable curry taste to it.  It wasn’t bad, just an interesting twist to a rather ordinary meal.

Northern Immersion - Under Irish Skies

We grabbed a quick breakfast in the hotel, less than satisfying, and then hit the road.  My wife did better with the car today.  The only incident we had was when she was turning right and didn’t swing out wide to the left and instead turned into the oncoming traffic.  But all was fine, as she swerved away from the cars, ran over a kerb, took out a wayward sheep, and managed to get back on the correct (but really wrong) side of the road again.

As we drove, I witnessed an ever-changing sky.  One minute it was gray and dull, the next minute it was blue and intense, and the next minute still it was black and foreboding.  I watched the clouds change and move in an endless dance.  I watched the sun burst through in startling brilliance before being suddenly swallowed up again.  We were pelted by rain and buffeted by wind…and always the sky was changing and shifting.  The sky in this country has so much personality…so much beauty.

It was late afternoon by the time we made it to Limerick.  So, we checked into our hotel, the Absolute Hotel, and headed out for lunch.  Upon the recommendation of John at the front desk, we headed downtown to the Cornstore Bar & Restaurant.  He said the place was so good that it was booked with reservations on the weekends for weeks in advance.  That was enough for us.  Thinking that we might have a pretty good chance of just walking in at 3:45 p.m., we walked through the drizzly rain over to Thomas Street.  When we arrived, the hostess told us that they stopped serving lunch at 4 p.m., so we had about 5 minutes to order.  We both decided on the penne pasta, and my wife decided to try the soup of the day as well.

Both the pasta and the soup were phenomenal.  My wife had me try the soup first, just in case, and the hostess slowed her walk as she passed to see how I’d like it.  When I declared that it was absolutely delicious; she smiled, nodded her head, and kept on walking.  The food was definitely worth its reputation.  An absolute must if you ever come to Limerick, Ireland.

Tonight, we decided to eat in the hotel bar, the Absolute Bar & Grill.  Since we had had a late lunch, we split the fish of the day (due to the heavy, indecipherable accent of the waiter, we still to this day don’t know what kind of fish it was…even after asking twice) and some caprese.  It was okay, but not great.  That seems to be my experience with hotel restaurants over here.

After dinner, my wife ordered the Lemon & Blueberry Trifle, and we both ordered hot chocolates with marshmallows.  The hot chocolate was divine…I slowly savored every steaming chocolately, sip.  My wife on the other hand devoured her trifle like a starving man eating his first meal.  She even went so far as to try to lick every last bit out of the glass.  Unfortunately for her, they had served it in a wine flute, so she could only get her tongue a couple of inches into the glass.  She gave up in an exasperated huff and drank her hot chocolate instead.

Northern Immersion - View from Behind the Wing

Today, we flew from Athens to Belfast.  In total on this trip, I have taken six different flights so far.  On every one of them, I have been in the row just behind the wing.  I have been on both sides of the aisle, in the window seat, in the middle seat, and in the aisle seat.  But no matter what, I have been in the exact same row relative to the wing of the plane.  My view out of the window is always the same view.  Every picture I have taken out the window has been a different landscape or skyscape with the exact same view of the wing.  I have two flights left before this trip is complete, and I have every confidence that they will see me sitting behind the wing as well.

We got a rental car from the airport, so we could drive around Ireland.  Russ helped us at the EuropCar desk, and not only was he extremely nice, but was a wealth of information.  He was a young guy and patiently answered all of our questions like he’d heard it all a hundred times before.  He was the perfect guy to be working that desk.  He hooked us up with free sat nav as well, since he laughingly took pity on the foreigners.  We ended up in a VW Golf, which proved to be interesting when we tried to fit our five suitcases inside.  But somehow we managed with some Tetris Level – Expert arranging.

Since we’re in one of those “backwards” countries, the steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car!  We thought this and the driving on the wrong side of the road thing were going to be issues for my wife.  But in the end, that isn’t what got her.  It was an unlikely culprit that caused her the biggest issue.  She claims the brakes on the car are uber-sensitive.  Every time she “gently” pushed them, I was slammed into the dashboard.  I had whiplash and a headache by the time we made it to the hotel.  Not to mention the backaches and neck strains from the 100-pound force of the two suitcases on the back seat ramming into the back of my seat.  I have never been so thankful to get out of a car in my life.

I think the driving on the wrong side of the road thing will slowly manifest itself as well.  Last night, we had a panicked moment when we got to the roundabout, and my wife had no idea which direction to take around it.  She chose to drive straight through the middle…I guess that works too!

We had trouble finding the Fitzwilliam Hotel, because even though the hotel is on a corner, the name is only on one side…and it is written small and fancy, making it hard to find in the dark.  We also found out that they don’t have free parking for hotel guests, so we had to pay for valet parking service.  I hope this isn’t like this everywhere we go, because this trip is going to get really expensive very quickly.

It was late, so we grabbed dinner at the hotel bar.  My wife said the Caesar Salad was good, lots of chicken, very little salad.  My Fitzwilliam Hamburger was terrible.  Breakfast will be interesting as well, since it’s not included with the room.

Northern Immersion - That awkward moment…

…when you came over to visit with my wife and her English-speaking husband, and you make eye contact with the husband, and you realize that all of you are speaking Greek with a speed and energy that is making it hard for you to understand each other and the English-speaking husband is sitting by himself completely left out of the conversation and not understanding a word that is said. 

You have two options at this moment.  You can try to engage the English-speaking husband in conversation to try to make him feel more comfortable, knowing that your English is not very good, thereby making yourself a little uncomfortable.  Or you can break eye contact, look away as if you never saw him sitting there, become even more involved in the on-going conversation, continue to make the English-speaking husband uncomfortable while preserving your own comfort, and think to yourself, “He came to Greece, so he should be speaking Greek.”

Both of these choices have happened to me, but the second one happens more often.  Tonight, I even predicted this would happen before it happened.  I told my wife that the cadre of people coming over to “visit” with me was really coming over to visit with her.  They would speak in Greek, so I wouldn’t understand them, and I would sit in silence and be bored.  And when Androula, Ioannis and his wife, Kostas, Irini, Mirto, and Alepetha came over tonight that’s exactly what happened.  Only this time, I decided that I wasn’t going to just sit in the background and be ignored.  So I let my wife visit and enjoy their company, and I went to the den and watched football with babas mou.  This helped to pass a very enjoyable evening for me, even if I was being a little “rude” to our guests by not being in the same room as them.  Ironic, isn’t it?

Not much else happened today.  The only other highlight was Georgios took the jerseys he had bought me and got my name put on the back.  On the AEK jersey, he got my name, like I was one of those one-named Brazilian players.  On the Greek national team jersey, he got Derekithis (Derekithis), which means that I am from Pondi, the region that babas is from.  Babas loved this tribute to his people, so I was happy too.

Tomorrow is packing and traveling day.  We leave Greece after our quick week and head back to Ireland.

Northern Immersion - Freeze the American

Day 6 of cold showers, and I find myself huddling as close to the laptop battery as I can to warm up.  I guess I should explain.  Apparently, in this house, showers are traditionally taken at night, not in the morning.  In addition, the concept of a water heater is foreign (pun intended).  Instead, they have a boiler that uses oil to heat the water.  This boiler must be switched on when hot water is required, and then given at least 20 minutes to heat up the water.  However, as I said before, showers are taken at night here, so the boiler is not normally switched on in the morning.  Which means that if I want to take a shower in the morning to wake up, feel refreshed, and be clean to embrace the day; I have to take it cold.  This has led to a series of three-minute showers where every possible “extravagance,” such as using conditioner or washing unnecessary body parts, is excluded.  On the flip side, I actually wake up faster and strangely invigorated, right before I plunge into my waiting clothes.  I told my wife that it’s like a game of Freeze the American.

Today, we headed back to Monasteraki, so my wife could buy some remaining gifts for her co-workers and friends.  I have a completely different approach.  I spend money buying gifts for me, because it’s my vacation.  If someone I work with wants a gift from Greece, then they need to spend their own $2000 and go to Greece and get it themselves.  I don’t want to waste my few, precious moments hunting around for some crap that costs too much and they won’t like anyway.  I want to spend it enjoying my vacation, and if I find something I like along the way, then I’ll get it. 

And enjoy is exactly what I did today.  We happened upon the Olympieion today.  This is better known as the Columns of the Olympian Zeus.  It’s the remainder of a colossal ruined temple in the heart of Athens that was dedicated to Zeus.  And when I say colossal, I mean that the remaining columns tower over 55 feet in the air!  If you want to feel small and insignificant or marvel at the accomplishments of early man, then this is the place to do it. 

There is a beautiful stone archway that sits on one side of the ground and points back toward Athens proper.  This is known as Hadrian’s Gate, name after the Roman Emperor who dedicated the temple when it was finally completed during his reign.  Also in that same direction, you can see the Acropolis towering on its mountaintop high above the city; and in the other direction a skyline of Mount Hymettus.

Tonight, we went out with some of Georgios’ friends to a neighborhood bar called the View.  It’s a quaint, comfortable little bar that features cozy décor, friendly staff, and a laid-back atmosphere to enjoy conversation with your friends.  I had a nice time getting to know Georgios’ friends:  Pericles, Voula, Georgios, and Evi.  They are very nice people and seem like very good friends for my brother.

On a side note, I am about to lose my patience with my wife.  Driven by the stress-imposed environment that one always feels when finding themselves suddenly under the thumb of their parents once again, as well as the manic monster that she turns into when trying to drive in the craziness that is Athens, she’s getting on my last nerve.  She has started to snap at me when I ask a simple question, because she’s like a tightly wound rubber band all the time.  The worst part is that she doesn’t even recognize that she’s doing it. 

There also seems to be a habit in this family of immediate gratification.  You must drop everything and attend to whatever it is that they want at the very second that they want.  There is no concept that you might already be doing something.  For instance, I was lying down yesterday, and Georgios came home with some football jerseys that he had bought me.  My wife bursts in and starts telling me to get up, so I can try them on.  A moment later, her brother comes in carrying the bag.  Here I am, standing there in my underwear, trying on jerseys, because they didn’t even give me a chance to put pants on.  (Which would be my normal state of happiness in most cases, but I do have SOME modesty when it places me in an awkward situation.)

Northern Immersion - The Russian and the Elephant

Today, we got up early, so we could get an early start on a full day of activities.  It turns out that it was a waste of time, because apparently the Sacharidous take longer to get ready in the morning than the Knottses.  We didn’t leave the house until around 11:00 a.m.  So, with a half a day wasted, we headed to the parking for the subway.

Apparently, today the subway workers decided to strike, so the subway was only working on select lines at select times.  They were nice enough to leave a note, though, so we knew to find alternative transportation.  It took us another 20 minutes to find a place to park, and we ended up walking several miles to the nearest taxi stand.  It turns out we didn’t need a taxi after all, because there was an open subway line next to the taxi stand.  So, we headed off to Syntagma Square. 

The subway let out right next to the Parliament House square, which was packed with hundreds of people waving protest flags.  Ignoring them, we pushed our way across the street to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier where they were changing the guard (the Evzones) at that exact moment.  So, we got to watch the complicated ceremony, which features the guard dressed in traditional uniform, complete with skirt, stockings, and shoes with pom-poms.  It’s pretty cool if you’ve never seen it.  This would be our first unexpected gem of the trip.

As we made our way down to the Benaki Museum (Μουσείο Μπενάκη), we realized just how dangerous the protests could be.  There were police and military everywhere, armed with machine guns and riot gear.  Hurrying along to avoid getting caught up in anything, we arrived at the museum to find that admission today was free.  You can’t beat that!  The museum houses an impressive collection of sculptures, paintings, jewelry, pottery, artifacts, and traditional outfits from thousands of years of Greek history.  The beauty and detail of some of the pieces is remarkable considering the tools they had to work with at the time.

From there, we headed out to lunch and coffee with Anna Papaeti, one of my wife's childhood friends, at the Rock and Roll Café.  The food was just okay.  The company was great…and I’m not just saying that because Anna spoke English the whole time, so I wouldn’t feel left out.  She was very nice and sweet.  The biggest drawback to the experience was something that I had completely forgotten about Greece.  The number of cigarette smokers in this country and Athens in particular is ridiculous.  You can’t get away from it.  It’s everywhere.  And they let them smoke in the restaurants, so you can’t even enjoy your meal without it being encompassed in a haze of smoke.

We found ourselves in a corner booth, and all three of the tables around us had smokers at them.  At one point during the meal, I counted seven cigarettes and one cigar being burnt and puffed in my general direction.  At that one moment in time, I inhaled enough second-hand smoke to kill a large elephant.  And there was no reprieve.  As soon as they finished one, they’d light up another.  The guy next to us didn’t even stop smoking while he ate.  He had a cigarette in one hand and a fork in the other!  Needless to say, my eyes were burning, and I had a headache by the time we left there.

After saying our goodbyes to Anna, we headed to Monasteraki to try to do a little shopping before everything closed.  We didn’t get in much, but we managed to buy a few souvenirs for friends before heading home.  While in Monasteraki, I was confused as a Russian mobster.  Some Russian guy sitting on a stool started chasing me down the street and speaking Russian.  When I ignored him, he said in broken English, “I’m sorry, but do you speak Russian?”  I politely replied that “no I do not,” and he left.  I figured he was about to take me upstairs, share a bottle of vodka with me, and plot out a plan to take down the Turks.  My wife said that I looked Russian, so that’s probably why he made the mistake.  I’ve never been confused as Russian before.  Interesting…

Northern Immersion - When Hakkinen Meets Andretti

This morning crawled along.  We didn’t even get started on our day until 3 p.m.  My wife decided that she was ready to get out of the house before she committed matricide, so we headed off to Marathon Lake & Dam.  It’s a beautiful dam built out of marble with a thin, one-lane road across the top.  Cars have to take turns from either direction, so they can fit across the dam.  Unfortunately, the walkway was closed, so we couldn’t hike down to the temple at the bottom.

The village of Marathon is spider-webbed with narrow streets at sharp angles to each other.  My wife navigated them like our lives depended on getting around them at 90 kph.  I thought her mother (a.k.a. Hakkinen) was fearless until I met the daughter (a.k.a. Andretti).  Dogs, people, and cars were running, jumping, and swerving to get out of her way.  I didn’t think that a Suzuki Baleno would go very fast, but she drove it like it was turbo-charged.  Luckily, I made it home alive and with only minimal embarrassment at having to change my underwear.

After Marathon, we went to the outlet mall and walked around.  There wasn’t much to tempt us in the stores, but they had the mall decorated with Christmas lights, colored fountains, and cool light effects.  It was a cute, relaxing way to end out day.

The rest of the evening was spent ironing clothes and sewing curtains.

Northern Immersion - Demolition Derby, a.k.a. The Neighborhood Market

Today, they celebrated the two oldest people on the planet.  At 116 years old, the two women have seen and done a lot.  The reporters asked the women what their secret was for such a long life.  The first replied, “At the age of 38, being constantly abused by my husband, I decided to divorce him.  I have since eaten three eggs every morning.”  The second replied, “At the age of 28, I decided to leave my husband and take care of myself.  I have been eating eggs for breakfast every morning since that day.”  Scientists have concluded that the secret to long life is less marriage and more eggs!

We were headed to the neighborhood market today to buy curtains for our house.  Apparently, you can find beautiful curtains for a fraction of the cost.  Our trip to the market can be summed up as hundreds of rude, impatient people shoving and pushing their way past you because apparently slowing down in the aisle because there is no space to move means that you have to be shoved out of the way to make room for someone else that can stand in your place better.  (I swear I felt like I was back in Houston traffic again.)  What pissed me off the most is when I’d get shoved out of the way and then the person would be walking slower than me.  Or more often would stop in front of me to look at some stupid crap on a table in the very next stall.  Because getting there one nanosecond earlier meant that you got a better bargain or something.  So then, I’d be forced to shove past them so that I could keep walking.  I even had one woman do this routine to me three times.  She would shove past me, I’d shove past her, and she’d shove past me again.

This happened constantly until I was so battered, bruised, and tired that I just wanted to get out of there and go home.  I truly believe that people hunting a bargain cease to be human and turn into monsters.  It was like experiencing Black Friday in a Wal-Mart.  Oh, by the way, we found some really nice curtains.  Well, my wife and mamas did.  I just carried the stuff and guarded their rear flank.

Before going home, we stopped off at Anna’s place to see her, her new baby Konstantinos, and to visit with Alexandros.  Her mother, Eleni, was there as well.  It was nice to see them all, and they were as generous as ever.  Alexandros is nine now, and he’s gotten so big since the last time I saw him.  He really wanted to chat with me, but we are both stymied by language.  I must try again to learn Greek.  There are so many people I’d like to talk to, but can’t.  I can’t expect everyone to speak English all the time.  Alexandros invited us to watch him play soccer.  Hopefully, we’ll get to see him play before we go.

At one point, my wife, Anna, Eleni, and mamas were all talking simultaneously.  I started cracking up laughing at the absurdity of it, because I can’t figure out how any of them could follow what anyone else was saying.  Oh well.  We stopped off at a local gyro shop and got gyros, which were wonderful.

We came home, and I took a nap (because the market had done me in) while my wife and mamas started to hem the curtains.

Northern Immersion - Replenishing Supplies

We had to do some much-needed laundry today, so we didn’t get out and do anything.

Northern Immersion - AEK Forever!

Last night was terrible.  We are in the little apartment on the ground floor, so we can have some privacy.  However, we are also right next to where the dogs sleep…or don’t sleep I should say.  Apparently, those monsters sleep all day long, so they can wake up when it gets dark and torture unsuspecting family from the United States.  They were up every two hours barking, dragging rocks around the patio, and playing tug-of-war with a stick.  At one point, I heard another dog barking in the distance and then Rea was answering with her own bark.  I got up for the umpteenth time, opened the door, and told her to cut it out with the long-distance phone calls.  Needless to say, we slept in because we were exhausted.

Today, Georgios took me to my first footie match.  We went to see AEK in action at the Olympic Stadium from the Olympic Games in 2004.  We decided to sit with the hooligans, so I could experience the full energy of the game.  It was really exciting.  They had a yell leader that was directing the chats and songs throughout the game.  We were the only section singing and shouting.  Every time AEK scored, they would throw stuff in the air and light road flares.  On top of that, AEK won 2-0.

Georgios told me that I was part of the brotherhood now, and there was no going back.  He said the saying goes, “You can change your job, you can change your house, you can change your spouse…but you can never change your team.”  He solidify the occasion, he bought me an AEK scarf as a souvenir.

The rest of the evening was just eating and watching TV with babas mou.

Northern Immersion - Cheerio!

Well, today was leaving day.  The taxi came for me at 6 a.m. for the long trek to Belfast.  Since the restaurants weren’t going to open until around 7:30 a.m., I was panicking what to do for breakfast.  I called the front desk and asked if they knew any places that were open this early.  Conner, the guy manning the front desk, said that there weren’t, but he would go and see what he could find in the kitchen for me.  He showed up at my door ten minutes later holding a tray with toast, cereal, orange juice, and hot tea.  He apologized that he couldn’t find me something more.  I was thanking him profusely for this heavenly morsel!

The flight from Belfast to London was uneventful; nothing exciting to report.  The flight from London to Athens was a completely different story.  I sat next to a Greek woman named Evagelia.  She was from Athens and was traveling home after a work stint in Glasgow.  We ended up talking the entire flight about my experiences in Greece, her work as a psychologist, the things I liked most about my job, her family, my family, and why people act the way they do.  We were so pleasantly entertained that we didn’t even notice that over three hours had passed and we were about to land.

I am not normally like that with people, but she was very easy to talk to.  My wife says that’s because she’s a psychologist.  There could be something to that, but it also might just be another step in my adventure education…trying new things!

After my wife and Georgios picked me up from the airport, I spent a relaxing evening eating and talking to my in-laws.

Northern Immersion - I’d like to do it all again…this time in reverse.

My morning started off with a potentially awkward situation.  I was going to the bathroom after breakfast, sitting with the door open so I could hang my head out and still watch the news.  I had just gotten to the moment of standing up, pants still around my ankles, when the door handle started to jiggle.  I had just enough time to drag my pants up before the door burst open, and I was face to face with the cleaning lady.  One minute sooner and that could have been awkward for all parties involved.  I was telling this story at dinner later that night (read below) and Michael says, “Well, that’s what you get for not dead-bolting your door.  That’s why they put those things on the door.”  No sympathy at all.

The class today didn’t go as smoothly as I had planned. I thought the assessment would be pretty straight-forward compared to what I had put the guys through the last two weeks.  I was dead wrong.  They struggled even more with this.  Most likely because they had the added pressure of thinking this was a graded test.  The whole office got out early except us.  I eventually had to kick the guys out because they weren’t done and we needed to lock up.  In the end, I only failed two guys because they were missing quite a few fields from their files.  Ironically, it was the two guys that finished first.

For lunch, I wanted to have one last hoorah with the guys, so we head out to Brown’s in Town.  This was to compliment the crap experience I had had earlier in the week at Brown’s on the Waterside.  I had the battered cod, which was a lot better than the regular cod I had had before.  The portion was larger too.  We had a big controversy at the table about whether we could order skinny fries or fat fries, and if we could order skinny fries would they come out as regular fries or sweet potato fries.  SS wanted sweet potato skinny fries, but the waiter told him that they were only serving regular that day.  Later in the lunch he was telling a story about this restaurant that had burned down.  SD asked him what year that was, but SS said that he couldn’t remember the year.  Then, he said, “It was on September 27^th at about half ten.”  When SD asked how he could remember that amount of detail, but not remember the year, SS said, “I remember because the bloke burned the restaurant down when he couldn’t get sweet potato skinny fries.”

For dinner, LF, DS, and I decided to head back to La Sosta again to see if we might run into John Hume and could convince him to take a picture with us.  We were not so lucky, but we did run into JM and MH from the office, so we decided to join them.  I will admit that I had been so impressed with the dinner from the night before, that I chose to do it all again.  It was just as good the second time.  When it came time to order dessert, I ordered the pudding again.  LF and DS decided that they wanted to try it this time as well.  JM chose to get the tiramisu.  When the pudding came out this time, it looked like a piece of chocolate cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.  Thinking it was the tiramisu, because it looked exactly like what DS had gotten the night before, I sent it down to JM.  The waitress was completely confused, because she had two more plates of the chocolate cake “things” coming out to the table.  MH, being the only from Northern Ireland and therefore the only one who could make an intelligent observation of the situation, informed us that pudding in the UK doesn’t look like pudding in the US.

Apparently, the night before, they had switched DS and my desserts.  I had ended up with the tiramisu and DS had had the pudding.  We had both enjoyed our desserts so much, that neither of us even questioned it.  Besides, we were in a foreign country, so who were we to criticize that the food looked different than we expected?  JM didn’t want the “soup” looking thing they brought him, so we switched and I had my “pudding” after all.  I probably should have done the whole meal in reverse and started with the dessert, just to be different.

After dinner, JM and I walked back to the hotel and had a long chat with Chiree, one of the lovely ladies that worked at the front desk.  She had been on rotation with Laura and Marguerite at the front desk, so we had come to be a first name basis with them all.  They were the most helpful and friendly staff I have ever encountered at a hotel.  I would suggest people stay at the Maldron for this fact alone.

I ended my night by repacking all my clothes and evaluating all the students in my class.  I didn’t get to bed until 12:30 a.m.

Northern Immersion - Where Everyone Knows Your Name

I had a great day at work today, despite the fact that I had a headache.  Yesterday, on a whim, I had rewritten the last supplemental activity in my manual.  It actually turned out to be a really good activity that challenged even the cockiest guy in the class.  I was pretty proud of how cool it turned out despite the fact that I had written it in about 30 minutes.  It was divine, that’s all I can say.  I have learned a lot from this training period.  I need to put a lot more work into cleaning up the curriculum…if Randy lets me.

For lunch, LFand I walked down the street and went to the Sandwich Co.  Yes…again.  I got the same thing, BLT and soup.  It was still good, even for the third time.

Tonight, LF, DS, and I went to La Sosta for dinner.  It was a fancy Italian restaurant that was down an alley and through an unmarked door.  We figured that Americans alone for Thanksgiving should stick together.  Dinner was excellent.  I had a Farfalle e pollo con asparagi (farfalle with chicken and asparagus).  I also got a side order of garlic bread in olive oil.  And I finished it off with chocolate pudding with cacao powder.

But as good as the food was, that was not the highlight of the dining experience.  On our way out, we met a local (and seemingly more widespread) celebrity.  John Hume, who along with David Trimble, won the Nobel Prize for Peace in 1998 “for their efforts to find a peaceful solution to the conflict in Northern Ireland.”  He chatted us up, asking about our visit to Derry, where we were staying, about our business, etc.  We didn’t realize the magnitude of the moment until we were walking through Bogside and saw his picture painted on the side of a building alongside Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  I told Marguerite, the lady at the front desk about him, and she told me that he eats at that restaurant every night.  Everyone around here knows John, and now we do too.

After dinner, LF, DS, and I walked around, so LF could take pictures.  We walked all over town and even down to Free Derry, so she could see the murals.  At one of the pubs in town, The Anchor Bar, we found a guy outside smoking a cigarette.  When LF pointed her camera in his direction, he started posing and waving his hands around and smiling.  I knew right off that he was probably gay based on his behavior.  He confirmed this fact himself when he started talking to us.  He suddenly looked down, realized he was still smoking a cigarette, and said, “Oh my god, I hope she didn’t get the fag in the picture!”  Laughing to myself, I thought, “I’m pretty sure that was exactly what she was trying to take a picture of.”  LF and DS were completely oblivious to the double meaning that “fag” in the UK actually refers to a cigarette.

Northern Immersion - Do It All Again

Today, we continue with the XSLT code of Core Connectors.  The guys seemed to enjoy this, as we got back into things they liked and understood.  I’m glad this week is going more smoothly than last week.  I still had to deal with a couple of the guys racing through the assignments like there is some prize for finishing first.  I had to tell them to slow down and get it right, because it’s not about how fast you finish, but about the quality you produce.  Not good at all.

LF, the new payroll trainer, came in yesterday, so I went and picked her up to walk her to the office.  I have taken it upon myself to spend the next few days downloading to her everything I have learned about Derry.  She couldn’t go to lunch, so I went out with JM and GR to Danano’s again.  I tried the Margherita pizza again, because this time it said it had basil.  I was completely disappointed again.  It was merely a cheese pizza.  These people have no idea how to make a proper Margherita pizza.  I’m giving up.  Gavin was really nice.  I hadn’t talked to him before today.  He and I have a very similar sense of humor.

I took LF out for dinner at the Exchange, because it was close to her hotel, and she wasn’t feeling well.  Apparently, the day after she arrived, she developed laryngitis and lost her voice.  So, we had a quiet, whispered dinner!  I had the chicken stacker, which was two chicken breasts, tomato, and mozzarella cheese stacked on top of each other, sitting in a cream of mushroom sauce.  Not actually as tasty as it sounds.

Came back to the hotel and worked to give my feet a rest.  I watched Manchester United bomb a supposed giveaway game in the Champions League group stage.  Not a bad, relaxing night.

Northern Immersion - A Beam of Sun through the Rain Clouds

Well, just when I thought all hope was gone with my class, they surprised me today.  They actually seemed to be following along and understanding what I was teaching.  Granted we actually switched topics and started talking about a new type of integration.  But there were none of the confused looks, incessant cussing, or “here, just take my laptop now.”  Even some of the people that I had concerns about turned it around today.

One of the things that really pisses me off about the class is that the guys assume they are getting out at 3:30 p.m. every day.  Today, one of the guys actually told me that I couldn’t present another topic, because it was already 3:27 p.m. and they only had three minutes before they were “away to go.”  I said, “You’re away to go, when I say you’re away to go”; which garnered both derision for my making fun of the Irish slang and groans that I was being so mean.  I didn’t care.  I’d had enough of them bullying me around.  So, I made them stay another hour.  I wish I had done this last week already and set the precedence.

For lunch today, JM and I went over to the Green Octopus in Austin’s department store.  Ironically, we had both just heard about the restaurant yesterday from DS, and today all of the guys said they were going there for lunch as well.  I had the Green Octopus Two-Handed Club Sandwich.  It was tasty; nothing exciting.

For dinner, we continue the fancy theme and went to Brown’s on the Waterside, because JM has a goal to go to every fancy restaurant in town this week.  This was even fancier than the Sooty Olive.  I’ll also say more expensive and less thrilling.  This was the kind of restaurant where they bring out a dinky piece of fish with sauce patterns adorning the gigantic plate.  The food looked ridiculous on the plate, because it was so inconsequential in comparison.  It was also just ordinary.  I wouldn’t even say good.  Just okay.  And there wasn’t anywhere near enough of it to fill you up.  I had the cod with fries, finishing with a chocolate mousse tart with honey ice cream.  The dessert was just as ridiculous.  It was way too sweet and rich, but it was about three spoonfuls.

I know I’m not of the richer tastes, but this was wasted decadence if you ask me.  I wouldn’t bother going back and paying for that again.

Northern Immersion - Sweaty Olives

I am a little concerned about some of the guys in my class.  They are struggling with the oddest things, and I have no idea how to deal with it.  Some of them are fine with the programming itself, but are struggling with the stupid documentation.  Some of them are over-complicating things and then struggling to dig themselves back out again.  I’m not sure how they’ll actually do in the class.  I’m also starting to feel like some of it is my fault, because of the language/culture difference.  I’ll keep trying, but it’s very frustrating.

JM and I went back to Quays Bar for lunch today.  He had heard about the Jamaican Penne Pasta and wanted to try it for himself.  He was completely disappointed, saying it was too bland.  I never said it was hot, so he must have told himself that.  But of course, he blamed me.  I got the Creamy Penne Pasta and Garlic-Butter Potatoes.  It was totally delicious.  I enjoyed it a lot more than the Jamaican Penne Pasta.  JM and I agree to disagree on food.

For dinner, JM, DS, and I went over to the Sooty Olive in Waterside Derry (that’s the other side of the river).  It’s a little fancier kind of restaurant, where you get reservations, eat by candlelight, and people dress up.  I had the sirloin steak and potatoes.  It was a very good steak.  I also got the brownie explosion and vanilla ice cream for dessert…perfect way to wrap that meal up.  I was very impressed with the quality of the food…would go back.

In case you’re wondering about the title, I could never understand people when they were saying the name of the restaurant.  So, I thought they were saying the Sweaty Olive.  I’m still not sure what the name is supposed to mean.

Northern Immersion - All Laid Out Before Me

Today, I woke up later than usual, had the continental breakfast downstairs, and submitted my first expense report for this trip.  Then, I decided to venture over to the west side of the Foyle River and explore the other side of town.  CD had mentioned that the view from Top of the Hill was amazing, so I decided to hike it.

Again, I underestimated how far that was, especially hiking uphill all the way there.  But I finally made it, and CD was right…it was truly amazing.  I could look back across the water and see the entire town on the other side of the river, as well as the monastery, cemetery, football stadium, and all the other places I had hiked the day before.  It is pretty awesome to see the expansiveness of the town and how it sprawls out across the countryside.

Other than this view, there is not much else on that side of the river except residential areas.  I explored a few of these to get a feel for the types of houses in this part of the world and then headed back to try to grab lunch.  I had lunch at the Sandwich Co. again, repeating the experience from the day before.  It was just as good this time.  I got it as a takeaway (that’s the word for “to go” here) and ate it in my room, so I could take off my shoes and let my body relax.  I mapped out the trip I had taken today, and found out that it was approximately 3 miles round trip.  No wonder my feet were killing me.

JM came to my room around 4 p.m. and invited me to the Foyle Film Fesitval, which features independent short films from all over the world.  We bought a package deal which was for five movies, totaling about 1.5 hours of viewing.  The subject matter on these films was a little odd and disturbing. 

The first one was titled Out of the Village and was a film about a boy and his sister who have to deal with the aftermath of their parents’ death to Ebola.  This was an emotionally moving film, but left me wondering “what’s next?”

The second one was titled Intersection and was a film about two construction workers in the middle of nowhere whose monotony is disturbed by a meteorite falling from the sky.  One of them kills the other to get sole possession of the meteorite and then proceeds to try to drag it across the desert naked, using his clothes as leverage.  I actually quite liked this.  It was very funny in a dark kind of way.

The third one was titled Fragile and was a film about a woman who tries dating too soon after her divorce.  The dating experience is disastrous and leads to a series of destructive encounters across the city, as she tries to come to terms with her loneliness.  The girl in this was cute, but she was a complete psycho.  I didn’t understand what she was doing half the time.

The fourth one was titled Waiting for Tom and was a film about a mother and daughter driving across Ireland for some reason completely lost on me.  They bicker the whole time about things we know nothing about and then have a good laugh right before the credits roll.  I guess you can figure out what I thought about this one.

The last one was title De Smet and was a film about three brothers who live the single life, doing everything together in a simple way.  That is until a new woman moves in across the street and starts a romance with one of the brothers.  The other two brothers don’t like the interruption, so they sabotage the breaks on the woman’s car, and she dies in a car accident.  Order is restored between the brothers, but it leaves the one brother depressed.  JM didn’t even stay to watch this one.  I thought this one had quite a few humorous parts as well.  The girl next to me was laughing pretty hard, so I guess she also liked it.

It was cool to do something unexpected like this, especially since the film festival is only done twice a year.

We finished off with dinner in the Stir Restaurant, where we had a Moroccan Lamb Burger with tzatziki and a toffee, chocolate, and caramel tartlet with tasted suspiciously like cheesecake.  And we all know how I feel about cheesecake!

Later, JM and I are going to walk down to the Omniplex and watch Spectre, the new James Bond film.

Northern Immersion - Tour of Donegal

I woke this morning at the usual time and headed down to breakfast only to discover that they were serving off the continental bar today.  The breakfast was less than stellar off the bar.  I missed my usual eggs Benedict and bacon.  After breakfast, I decided to hit the shops.  My intention was to buy my wife a souvenir from Derry.  So far, I haven’t been able to find anything touristy here.

Disappointed, I decided to trek up to the monastery that that CD had showed me earlier.  I guess I didn’t realize how long that walk was when I was riding in the car.  It took me an hour to trek down the river, up the hill, and finally find the monastery (after passing the turn-off a couple of times).  Along the way, I found a really neat park along the river with walking trails, trees, and lush green grass.  Also, after one of my wrong turns, I ended up in Brandwell, which had some really neat houses and murals.

I followed the whole trip that CD had taken me and walked back through Creggan, guiding myself by the few landmarks that seemed familiar.  It was a long walk, especially trudging up that hill, and I was exhausted when I finally made it back to the hotel.  At the hotel, I mapped out my walk, and I found out it was about 2.5 miles in total.

But I didn’t stay there long, deciding to high-tail it down the street to The Sandwich Co. for a soup and sandwich.  The lunch was amazing.  I had a BLT and the soup of the day, which was a vegetable soup.  The BLT was not traditional, in that they had mixed all of the ingredients together in a sort of sandwich spread.  The whole thing was very tasty.  Would go again…five stars.

After lunch, SD had agreed to take JM, KM, and I on a driving tour through Donegal (pronounced Donnie Gall).  We headed northwest to Buncrana and then followed the coast road up to Ballyliffin before turn around and heading southeast to Carndonagh, Quigley’s Point, Muff, and finally back to Derry.  Besides the amazing scenery and coastal views, we also stopped at Fort Dunree to take some pictures and enjoy the freezing cold wind before journeying on.

Here’s a funny story about Muff, Northern Ireland.  Muff sits right on the border between Ireland and Northern Ireland.  One of the guys in the class, BM, actually lives in Muff.  He said that what Muff is actually famous for is their scuba diving club.  They’re called the Muff Divers.

Well, I was supposed to meet JM and KM to go out to the Sooty Olive tonight, so after a quick nap, I texted him.  Apparently, he forgot we were going to go and went somewhere else without me.  So, pissed off that he didn’t text to let me know, I set off to try to find something.  I wasn’t feeling like eating out alone and needless to say most things in the town are closed, except pubs, so I ended up at Paolo’s Pizza again.  I tried the pepperoni pizza this time.  The pepperonis were tiny, like small sausages.  I ended up picking half of them off.  The pizza was okay, nothing great.  It could have been that I just wasn’t in the mood for pizza again.  I watched the Proposal while I ate, and now I’m going to bed.  I feel like I’m giving Twitter updates or something.

Northern Immersion - Most Common Word in Northern Ireland

So today, I gave the guess the first two Supplemental Activities in the class, which are basically independent activities where they have to apply all the techniques and knowledge that they have learned all week.  I have never heard so many creative uses of the f-bomb in all of my life as they worked through the assignment.  I asked JM after class if he noticed that they cussed more here in Northern Ireland, and he said, “Not really.  It must just be your class.”  I kid you not that this continued the entire eight hours of class.  The funniest comment had to be when SS said, “You are sick.  How do you sleep at night?!”  I calmly replied, “On one side, then the other.”

CD and I went over to Jack’s Bar for lunch.  I got an Open Steak and Bacon Sandwich with garlic potatoes.  It was just okay, nothing special.  The decor in the bar was neat, very traditional, but the food wasn’t that great.  CD agreed.  Perhaps we got the wrong thing.  I had heard the Battered Cod was good.  Oh well, you win some and lose some. 

After class, I wasn’t feeling very energetic, so I went to Paolo’s Pizza to get a pizza.  My English must be terribly hard to understand, because I asked for a 10” Margherita and ended up with two instead.  I’m not sure how she got from 10” to 2.  It was too late by the time they came out, so I just took them and headed back to the room.  I decided to treat myself to a pizza/movie night, eating all that pizza and watching The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies.  The pizza was good, the Italian herbs were outstanding, but it was actually only a cheese pizza, not really a Margherita.  The movie was okay, but the worst of the three by far.

Northern Immersion - Let There Be Light!

I have a guy in my class named Rhys, who has made it his personal mission to jack with the computer of everyone who leaves it unlocked when they leave the room.  Usually, this just consists of him flipping their screen over, so they are viewing it upside down.  Once he sent an email to everyone from the computer “confessing” that the computer had been left unlocked.

As he was leaving for the day today, he forgot his phone on the table.  A couple of his victims seized the opportunity to jack with his unlocked phone before he came back to get it.  They decided to change the language on the phone to Danish.  When he had come back, he saw that the language had changed and said, “You are all bastards…the whole lot of you…bastards.  But that was really good craic.  Cheers.”  I’m really going to miss this bunch of guys when I have to go back.  I have grown quite fond of their personalities and the witty way they feed off each other.

CD and I went over to the Exchange for lunch today.  Randy had been raving about it several times before I left, so I wanted to try it out.  I tried a ham and bacon Panini with potatoes.  It was actually very good.  CD said I should come back for dinner some time and try the Spanish potatoes…maybe next week.  CD offered to take me on a driving tour around Derry city proper after lunch.  So, we headed north up the river around to the Monastery of the Carmelite Fathers and back through Creggan.

Tonight, Santa Claus showed up at the Guild Hall to turn on the Christmas lights.  I got there half an hour early after a less than satisfying dinner at Subway, and there were already hundreds of people standing in the plaza.  By the time Santa showed up, hundreds of more people showed up and hemmed me in.  I couldn’t actually see Santa flip the switch on the Christmas tree, but the best part was watching how excited the children were about the whole experience.  To see their little faces lit up in worly light-up toys.  To hear their excited squeals of joy at getting candy treats from Santa.  To witness their happiness as they sat atop their parents shoulders, high above the world with the best view in the house.  To use a local expression, it was good craic (pronounced crack).

I let the crowds die down a bit, and then I walked around town looking at the lights and taking pictures.  Every street is lit up.  Bell, Christmas tree, snowflake lights strewn up everywhere.  After that, I went over to the Free Derry wall and walked around the neighborhood to view the murals painted on the buildings.  This was the sight of Bloody Sunday, where British troops killed thirteen people; pretty sobering.

I realized that I didn’t really describe the hotel I’m staying in.  The Maldron Hotel apparently has been owned by several hotel chains over the years.  Everyone around here knows it as The Tower.  I’m on the fourth floor, which is the top, and I have a room on the back of the hotel.  My view looks out a narrow gap between two arms of the hotel down toward the Guild Hall and the river.  There is a heater in the room, but no A/C as far as I can tell.  I have one small window that opens, but it only opens about three inches, so it doesn’t let in much cool, just enough to get some fresh air into the room.  The bathroom is pretty small, but serviceable. 

My only real issue is the stupid toilet lid.  It is constructed in such a way that the lid hits the flushing handle of the toilet, so it won’t stay open.  I found this out the first time I was trying to pee and it started to come back down again.  Panic ensued as I tried to prop it up with my knee while maintaining my aim.  Now, I have to pee from the side of the toilet, so I can prop up the lid while I’m using it.  It’s really annoying.