White Stripes - Part 2

Well, I’ve been busting my butt to be ready for my other two stripes, but class after class has gone by without my instructor even asking to see my one steps. So, tonight, I approached him to ask when I could do that. He agreed to test me tonight, so the entire class stopped to watch me do it. Nothing like being the star of the show to get my performance anxiety going full boar. I did fine, and I earned my second stripe, but it all was diminished by some bad news that has upset me all evening.

During one of our sparring sessions today, I threw a round kick, which my partner tried to block. Unfortunately, it was a very good, strong kick, and she blocked it incorrectly. She tried to push it with her hands, and my foot bent her hand back into her wrist. After class, I found her with ice on her wrist, and I was devastated. I know it was an accident, but I don’t like to see people getting hurt, especially if I’m the one doing it. So, it’s been hard to enjoy the success of getting my stripe or actually doing really well during the sparring, because Miss Pixie got hurt.

Maybe I was being too aggressive. I mean, it is practice after all. I guess I just don’t believe in doing things halfway. You should train like you’re going to fight. Besides, I feel like I have something to prove, like I need to earn my place in this class. Why else would a white belt be allowed in a class of black belts? But maybe I have them on a pedestal. Maybe they aren’t as experienced or as good as I imagine. Maybe they just went through the motions and did enough to get here. To be honest, a lot of them probably just got their black belt two months ago. So, maybe I’m not really that far behind. I don’t feel so much like a white belt, except that I have to do white belt testing. I feel like I’m training like a black belt. I do all of the same drills, exercises, and techniques that they do. And in some cases, I do them better even. But maybe I need to lighten up a little. Not everyone is there to be a warrior like me. Some people are in it for the exercise. Some are in it for the discipline. So, they won’t go at it as hard as I do. I know there’s a couple of people who will meet me at my level. I guess I’ll reserve my best for them. And I’ll pray for Miss Pixie.

UPDATE: Miss Pixie ended up being fine. She was a little sore over the weekend, and she has a little green bruise on her wrist, but that’s the worst of it…thank God! She had decided not to text this cycle after all, so our inadvertent accident didn’t derail her in the least.