Carrots

I try to avoid carrots. I don't actually want my eyesight getting any better, because then I might discover that I'm not as good-looking as I think I am.

The Checker

I went to Wal-Mart the other day to buy some supplies. I had a gallon of milk and a gallon of tea. The checker asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag. I said, "Yes, but not my tea."

I wish I had a picture of her face at that moment.

Seedless Orange

I don't know why anyone would want to create a seedless orange. After you did it once, you'd never be able to do it again.

Genomic Music

Last weekend, I went to a symposium about the connection of art and biology. I learned that there are several science labs doing research on the sounds of DNA. They have taken several approaches to correlate the genetic code to musical notes. In one lab, they measured the wavelength of infrared light aborbed by a genetic sequence and related it to a wavelength of sound. By combining the sounds along the string of genetic sequences, they were able to find out the sounds of DNA.

The music produced is actually pleasing and melodious. Susan Alexjander, one of the scientists doing the research, says "the combinations of frequencies are just stunning. I find it very arresting. It sounds alive to me." She goes on to comment about the strong reaction the music elicits saying, "Perhaps on a very deep level the body recognizes itself - hears something familiar in the music."

To learn more, check out this article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/222591.stm

Connected Vents

CC was telling me about a friend of his that had his office located next to the men's restroom. Obviously, the contractors for this particular building were not blessed with forethought. In order to save money, they connected both the guy's office and the bathroom to the same ventilation system. This opened a direct conduit between his office and the "delightful" aromas of the men's restroom.

Needless to say, the guy was known to take long walks right after lunch.

More Practice

A lot of men think that if they intentionally mess up some simple task that their wife assigns them, such as going grocery shopping, then they will get out of having to do the task in the future.

Those men never lived in my house. My wife's philosophy is that if you messed it up, then you obviously need more practice!

Bad Day

9:00 a.m.
DK: I tweaked my back this morning, just turned wrong or something, and now it hurts. It feels like I have a tight muscle that just won't relax. It sucks having to just sit around all day, because it feels better when I'm standing. I'm trying to find a comfortable position in my chair, so I keep moving just a millimeter to the right until I can find the spot.

Haven't found it yet. Will keep you posted.

10:00 a.m.
DK: Okay, the back still hurts, but now my armpit hurts as well. When I reached up to pause my CD, I ripped out an armpit hair. This goes along with the broken blood vessel in my hand that I got when I slammed my hand into my desk this morning, trying to unplug my clock.

This might be the day the bus gets me.

Will keep you posted...unless the bus gets me, and then I won't.

10:30 a.m.
AS: I am so sorry to hear you are in pain. Did you take anything for your back? Maybe some Ibuprofen will alleviate the muscle pain.

Whatever you do, stay away from the light. This is not the day the bus will get you. Put that out of your mind.

11:00 a.m.
DK: Back and hand still hurt. Head is starting to throb again. My armpit is down to a dull ache. Feet stink. Left butt cheek itches a little. A stupid gnat keeps attacking me every time I try to work. Prognosis is not good. I tried to take your advice and stay away from the light. However, when I flipped off the switch in my area, I was greeted with 17 complaining, angry voices. Had to flip switch back on. Can't help the light. I am currently hiding under my desk, because that is the darkest part I can find. Having to curl in tight ball. Losing feeling in my right leg.

Will keep you posted...unless paralysis spreads to fingers.

White Gauges

When I bought my Toyota Corolla, I made sure to get the "S" model, because it looked sportier. M.C. also has a Corolla, but he just has the "LE" model. He was trying to explain to me one day why his car was better...6-disc CD changer, fake wood accent, tinted windows, etc.

I stopped him and asked, "But do you have white gauges?"
He replied, "White gauges? What are you talking about?"
I said, "Well, the 'S' model has white gauges in the dashboard."
He just looked at me funny and reluctantly asked, "And that does what for you, exactly?"
I said, "Well, it means my car can go faster than yours. So, who cares about all that other stuff?!"

Naked People in Society

Mark Twain once said, "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

I'm not so sure about this. I used to walk by the window naked, and I'm pretty sure I had an influence on my neighbors. That's why they put up blinds.

2010 Razzie Awards

Okay, I'm sure by now everyone knows that Sandra Bullock won the Razzie for Worst Actress and the Oscar for Best Actress this year. This is the first time this has ever happened in the same year. (If you haven't seen her Razzie acceptance speech, it is definitely worth checking out.)

But did you know that Billy Ray Cyrus won the Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor for his role in "The Hannah Montana Movie"? Apparently, the audience did not believe that he put on a believable performance as Miley Cyrus' father. Which is to say that he obviously has a hard time playing himself.

Does Anyone Have a Question?

Have you ever wondered why there isn't a question and answer session at the end of a sermon? Office presentations, conference lectures, scientific presentations, and pretty much any other formal talk will have a question and answer session at the end. The purpose is to give the audience a chance to clear up any confusion they might have had about the talk. But it's also because the speaker wants you to believe and go along with what they are talking about. If you disagree with something they've said for some reason, then they want an opportunity to address your doubts and give evidence to persuade you to the other side of the fence.

I know I have had questions about sermons I've heard. Some point wasn't clear or fleshed out enough. Or even just that I've disagreed with something the preacher has said. So, why don't preachers have question and answer sessions at the end? If I had the question, then isn't it possible that someone else had it too. Maybe the topic is something that everyone should hear. You would think they would want the chance to be more persuasive and dissolve our doubts. Just something to think about.

A Dog and the Lottery

B.D. and I stopped to get gas this afternoon on the way home from work. There was a couple at the pump next to us also getting gas. While the man was pumping the fuel, the woman took their dog for a walk toward the grass at the front of the station. There was a sign stuck in the grass, advertising that all kinds of lottery tickets were sold at the gas station. With no hesitation at all, the little dog walked determinedly right up to the sign and peed on it.

When B.D. got back in the car, he asked if I had seen the dog. I said, "Yeah, he must have lost last night in the lottery."

Gretchen

K.E. had a Miniature Schnauzer name Gretchen. We used to take Gretchen for walks after school around the neighborhood. She had a peculiar quirk about her. When we'd get to some object, such as a fire hydrant or tree, she'd back up to it. Then, she'd lift one of her back legs and prop it up against the object. Once it was firmly planted, she'd lift her other back leg and prop it up against the object too. There'd she'd be with front legs on the ground and back legs up in the air, and she'd pee. When she was done, she'd walk herself back down and trot along to the next object.

Nobody ever knew why.