I find myself sitting here today wondering what I have to live
for. I would never live for work, but work is not satisfying anymore anyway. I
feel as if they no longer are investing in me. They have found others more
compliant and malleable, those that will go with the flow rather than fight the
system. But I don't care. It holds no meaning for me anymore. I don't care if
they realize how amazing I am, and that they are wasting me. My home life is
just as stale. It's just a rut; a monotonous, repetitive routine. I have no
goal, nothing to look forward to. My relationship with my wife is not bad, but
it's not fulfilling its potential either. And I constantly feel like she's not
trying anymore. She seems content with us merely being friends, not lovers.
She's so wrapped up in work again, that she doesn't even notice me. I live
alone inside myself. The saddest part is that I'm tired of trying to be
something in her eyes. I shouldn't have to fight so hard for someone to want
me, to be important. So I don't try either. I am dutiful, but not much more.
I'm here to serve; to be used...to be used up. There doesn't seem to be much
point in any of it anymore. All the potential in the world, and I'm wasting it
on...nothing really. I'm not using it at all. I know I could change things, but
I feel like my responsibilities are holding me back. I'm stuck doing the things
I feel I have to do to give others a comfortable existence. I'm sacrificing my
happiness to give others brief moments of happiness of their own. I don't
regret doing things for others, but it's not enough to keep me moving forward
anymore. Nothing seems to be enough to keep me moving forward anymore. I see no
point in it at all anymore. The whole process is just a huge waste of time.
What am I supposed to do, just spend the next 50 years of my life doing this
same thing every day? I don't think that prospect of a future is good for me.
If you aren't fulfilling your potential, then what's the point of living every
day?
