It's no secret that I hate liver. There is nothing redeeming about it. And if anyone says differently, they're a
bold-faced liar...don't listen to them.
Unfortunately, my mother had different views about this meat from
hell. She seemed to think that good
little boys (or even little boys like my brother and I) should choke down liver
at every opportunity. I secretly think
that she even made a point to special order it every time we went to my
grandparent's house. To this day, I
don't really know how my mother feels about liver, but I suspect that she
secretly hates liver as well, but my childhood was some form of passing along of
the punishment endured during her childhood.
Either way, liver found its way onto our plates regardless
of the protests and screaming that went on to keep it off. And since my brother and I had to eat it, so
did my cousin. Sorry about that,
cuz. We'd all be loaded up and sent
outside. That was my mother's first
mistake...sending us outside. The second
mistake she made was underestimating the aerodynamic qualities of liver as it's
catapulted over the neighbor's fence.
Correction...my cousin underestimated the aerodynamic qualities of liver
as it's catapulted over the neighbor's fence.
Since his liver not only cleared the fence by about ten feet, but also
smacked against the neighbor's house. I
still don't know the secret ingredient in my grandmother's gravy, but I do know
that it has amazing adhesive properties.
That liver clung to the neighbor's house like its life
depended on it. It wouldn't fall no
matter how much we willed it. Asparagus
and cauliflower couldn't knock it off.
Squash was no match for the liver.
Needless to say, we got caught when my mother came out, pointed at the
liver, and asked, "What the heck is that?!"
And that's when the cruel twist of fate occurred. Because precisely at that moment, the liver
fell off the house and landed with a wet smack on the concrete. Figures!
I caught a glimpse of the neighbor's dog heading over to investigate through
the slats of the fence. He took one
whiff of that liver, and took off running.
He wouldn't even eat it. Smart
dog.
