Ten years ago, my mom asked me to write a letter about what I thought my life would be like in the coming future. In that letter, I told her that I expected to marry K.E., my serious girlfriend at the time. I honestly think I believed that I would. I certainly loved her enough. She was my world, and I couldn't picture my life without her.
As many of you know, I didn't end up marrying K.E. Something unexpected happened between us, and in a split second, I saw all of my hopes and dreams spinning away from me. I don't exaggerate, when I say she was my entire world. I know I shouldn't have let my life end up with her as the center of it, but a love and passion as I had for her can be blinding and unreasonable. And when the center was ripped from my life, the other things had nothing to cling to for support.
I became nothing. I had no identity. I had no purpose. I struggled on for several months; but things only seemed to get worse, as she reached out to me as a friend, but kept all hope of more firmly out of reach. One night, I'd reached the bottom. There was nothing left. I cried out to God through my tears. I told Him that He had one more chance to reach me...to end my pain and torment. One more chance, or I was going to end the pain myself. It hurts even now to write that. To know how close I came. I can still feel the tears on my face as I cried out in agony.
Unless you believe in the undead, it's quite obvious that I did not kill myself that night. However, it was much like I died that night...at least the old me. God began to work His miracles on my life. He set people in my life to help me find my way again; and when I was ready, He introduced me to my wife-to-be.
Ten years ago, there was no doubt in my mind that I would marry K.E. But God had someone else, someone unexpected, someone better in mind for me. His plans may not always be the same as mine. They usually don't work at the same time as mine. But in the end, they are ALWAYS better.
