A Working Understanding

BK has a picture of the IT guy for his site asleep at his desk. When it came time for the IT guy to redo BK's machine, he asked him to make sure he got the standard Windows games with the new install. The IT guy told him they weren't allowed to have games on their work computers, and BK showed him the picture. BK enjoys playing Solitaire and Minesweeper during the slow times.

Some people might call this blackmail, but BK likes to refer to it as "a working understanding."

Don't Wake the Bear

Yesterday morning my dead beat brother-in-law (who lives in my house) turns the TV on at 5:30 in the morning, and wakes me up. So instead of flipping out and yelling at him, which I would do in the past. I went into the garage and loosened his cable cord so it would go in and out. Then he says to me. "My cable is messed up, can you look at it?" I said, "I have too much work to do right now, but I will get to it later." He's still waiting.

- Contributed by BK

Good...Or Is It Well?

When I was a freshman in high school, my uncle came over to our house for a cookout one weekend. While we were sitting outside, basking in the aroma of sizzling hamburgers, he asked me how school was going. I replied, "Most of my classes are fine, but English is not going so good." He smiled and said, "Well, it's no wonder when you speak like that. It should be that 'English is not going well.'"

For some reason that conversation stuck with me. It defined me. I strove to improve my grammar. I also went on a tear, correcting everyone who used "good" and "well" improperly. My stepmother still hesitates whenever she's about to use "good" or "well" in a sentence. I can almost see the processing of which one she wants to use. Either that, or she's trying desperately to find another way to say it and avoid using "good" or "well" altogether.

Wallets and Geniuses

My brother once told me that you could always tell a genius, because he carried his wallet in his front pocket. I found this statement fascinating, so I asked him how he knew that. He said because the two smartest people he knew both carried their wallets in their front pocket. His best friend, Chris, and me.

That was the nicest compliment he ever gave me.

Death by Sneeze

When I was in high school, I worked for an accounting firm, copying and organizing tax returns. My place of work consisted of a 4 foot by 6 foot former closet with no windows or vents. There was one small door at the far end, and you had to squeeze by the quite-large copier to get to it.

My boss was notorious for having bad breath. In one sitting he'd eat tortillas with mayonnaise, chocolate cake, pretzels, and a large Diet Coke. To top it off, I don't think he ever brushed his teeth...ever. He also had space issues. He felt the need to get very close to speak to you. Being cornered by him in my "closet" was bad enough, but it really sucked when he'd come in there and sneeze. This noxious cloud would slowly fill the entire room and hang. It would cling to everything, emitting its deadly ghastliness.

As I've previously said, this was a closet without windows or vents. I had no circulation. So, that Death Sneeze would just sit in there and slowly take years off my life. I couldn't leave, because I had to complete my work. I was trapped.

One day, I came crawling out on all fours gasping, "Air...I need air." I thought the receptionist was going to fall out her chair laughing. When she got done laughing, she felt sorry for me, so she brought me a fan that I could switch on when my boss left to help blow the Stink Cloud out the door. That fan was the only reason I'm here today to tell you this story.

Thank you, Judy!

Sasquaflops

My wife doesn't have big feet by any stretch of the imagination, but for some reason she bought these enormous house shoes. It's a "feet" that she manages to stay in them as she's walking (pun intended). I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she mostly just shuffles around without actually picking up her feet. She claims they're warm and well-padded, but I tease her that she looks like she has gigantic feet and that her footprints look like sasquatch has been trapsing through our house. Today, she told me to leave her Sasquaflops alone. I think it's catchy. We just might start a whole new line of enormous house shoes called, "Sasquaflops." So, be on the lookout for them in your local Wal-Mart.

The Pope Becomes a Saint?

In an article from MSNBC, evidence is given that the Catholic Church is trying to make Pope John Paul II a saint. The article discusses the steps that need to take place before sainthood can be bestowed on the former pope. At the end, readers are asked to provide comments and reactions to the news.

One reader wrote:
"The Saints could use him in their ranks. Their secondary sucked against the Seahawks."

Classic.

Source:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41072284/ns/world_news-europe/?gt1=43001

Taco Bell...Authentic Mexican Food

Taco Bell cannot, or rather should not, advertise as authentic Mexican food. When 16-year old white kids make it, it can't possibly be authentic. At least in Texas they hired authentic Mexican people to make the food. It was a good way to demean the employees even more (as if working at a fast-food restaurant isn't demeaning enough) by forcing them to make fake Mexican food for people who have no appreciation for authentic quality. Of course, you FEEL as if it's authentic, since authentic Mexican people are serving it to you. And then, there's that Chihuahua that speaks Spanish...well, Spanglish, but close enough. Just like the food.

Cake

Why do they say you can't have your cake and eat it too? Of course you can! Just because you eat it doesn't mean you don't have it anymore. It's just inside you.