Twin Fail

I heard a news story today where the parents of twin girls were contemplating holding both girls back in school because one of them failed. This is ridiculous! Just because they're twins! I mean this is no different than having sisters of the same age, and holding them both back because one of them fails. Just stupid!

The 2nd Amendment

For the longest time I thought the 2nd Amendment was about the right to give birth to torsal appendages. And yes "torsal" is a word. I just made it up.

Sexy

Someone noted today how sexy I look in this shirt, but he didn't want me to use his name because he thought people might think he was conceited and self-absorbed.

That's Nuts!

Almonds, pistachios, and cashews...that's just nuts!!!

Shopping Faux Pas

Went shopping with the spousal unit tonight. We were looking for something for her, but we came home with something for me instead. Isn't that backwards?

Nuking a Gnat

Tonight a gnat flew into the microwave when I was nuking my dinner. I didn't notice it until I opened the door. Somehow he survived the cooking process, and he flew out of the microwave wearing a cape and a mask.

Humble Amidst Sarcasm

My wife sarcastically told me tonight that I am smarter than 98% of the population, trying to point out how extraordinarily large my ego is. Humble, modest man that I am, I kept quiet, instead of pointing out that it was actually probably closer to 99% of the population.