Need a New Bed

Our memory foam bed has Alzheimer's.  It no longer knows how to find its form again.  Either that or there is a ghost sleeping in our bed right now, because there is an outline of a body still etched in the foam.

Vendor Specifications

Sometimes trying to read and interpret vendor specifications at work is akin to spending hours wondering what drugs they were on when they wrote them.

"Yes, after reading these specs, I'm detecting that at least eight separate narcotics were in use simultaneously when you wrote this. Please review and confirm after you're sober."

The Replacement Pact

I told my wife that if she dies, that I'm going to wait about a week and start looking for someone else. It is no disrespect to her memory, just that I can't be alone. She told me that she understood. She said that if I ever get sick that she'll start looking too. Wait...what?!