Monday, October 31, 2016

Halloween

Tonight is Halloween. The first batch of trick-or-treaters came to my door, and as I passed out the candy, the first little girl looked into my candy bowl and said, "Is that all you have?! You're never going to make it." I laughed and said, "I'll be ok, but I thank you for your concern."

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Omar the Tent Maker

One Christmas, my father opened up a gift from my grandmother and pulled out a huge pair of khaki shorts. He held them up, and he was completely concealed behind them. Peeping around the side, he said, "My god, mom, these things look like they were made by Omar the tent maker!" 

And they did. They were so big that two of me could fit in these things. Holding them up, he looked like one of those guys in the weight loss adds, showing the pants you used to be able to fit into. But not to be deterred, my grandmother said, "Go try them on so I know what size we need to exchange them for." My dad went into his bedroom and tried them on. When he finally came out, he was beet red. The shorts fit perfectly. 

The moral of the story is not to insult the gift until you've tried it on, or at least don't make a big show and bring attention to just how fat you truly are.