Psychological Food

They say you are what you eat. Which makes sense. If you put crap in your body, then you’ll consist of crap. But I’ve also heard this put in terms of “mental food.” The things you look at become your focus and drive your thoughts. This is why things like pornography and bad language are so dangerous and pervasive.

But back to the original meaning…food. I wonder if the phrase meant just the general make-up of food; like fat, carbs, proteins, etc. Or if it also meant the consistency of food. I mean, if I eat more croissants, will I be more flaky? If I eat more pizza, will I be more pointed and sharp with people? If I eat more chocolate, will I be more sweet? If it were true, it could lead to an interesting change to the science of Psychiatry. Instead of drugs, you could give food. “You seem a bit bitter and angry about the way things having been going for you lately at work…have a piece of chocolate.”

The Plate Snatcher

Since my mother-in-law has been staying with us, I’ve noticed that she has an annoying habit of immediately starting to clear the table as soon as she’s done eating. Not just her own plate, but everyone’s! There’s been some nights, like last night, when I’m not even done with my food, but you look away for a few seconds, and it’s gone. She had already grabbed my plate and was in the process of scrubbing it in the sink before I noticed. I had to get another plate to finish eating.

So, I decided to ask her about it this morning, and she told me that her mother used to do the same thing. Apparently, she would hover behind people and grab their cups and spoons the moment she set them down, because she was so afraid of having dirty dishes in the house. I guess that trait got passed on to her daughter!

I further found out that I’m not the only one to point it out. Apparently, there’s a running joke in the family about this. My brother-in-law has complained when my mother-in-law grabs his coffee cup while he’s still drinking his coffee! “Why did you take it?” “I thought you were done.” “There’s still coffee in it!”

I told my mother-in-law that that explains why her children eat so quickly. They know she’s coming for their plates, and they’re afraid they won’t get any food!

Greatness

I dated the same girl through half of high school and most of college. The thing I liked the most about her was how she liked to play and have fun with me. She would try anything I liked to do, including wrestling with me. It wasn’t so much a true fight for me, as I used the act to mostly flirt with her. I would pin her down and kiss her or say lascivious things in her ear.

When she really got stuck, the only way I’d release her was if she said the magic and slightly demeaning pass phrase, “I accede to your greatness.” She hated saying this so much that she’d fight with all her strength and wiles to avoid finally admitting that she was at my mercy. I would smile and torture her until she said it, while she struggled against my hold. It wasn’t only that I was bigger and stronger, which I was, but that I was really good at maneuvering her into the hold that I wanted.

In all the years that we played this dance of strength and strategy, she only beat me once. Mostly because I was so caught off guard by how attractive and seductive everything about her was that I couldn’t focus. But you have to believe that she didn’t waste the opportunity to sit on top of me (which I didn’t mind so much) and force me under duress to say the phrase (which I greatly minded). After that, no matter how many times I beat her, she never let me forget that one time that I lost.

Living the Facebook Life

People have often complained that the biggest problem with sites like Facebook are that people are not genuine on them. They always act like everything is wonderful, while you sit around and wonder why your life is such a failure in comparison.

But what happens when real life starts to mimic social media? When you only share the good things about yourself, so that everyone has a certain perception of you, who you are, and how you treat other people? But they never get to see the other uglier side, which you reserve exclusively for family? And then these people tell me how lucky I am to have a so-and-so like that, because they’re so amazing. While I'm wondering if we're talking about the same person.

I call this phenomenon, “Living the Facebook Life.” Because perception is not reality…even if the subject at the middle of it believes it too.

Erd

A few months ago, the lights on our microwave display started to go out. At first, it was just an inconvenience to know if it was a seven or one. But as more bars went out, the microwave started to say “Erd” instead of “End” when the food was done cooking. Now, when the completed cycle starts to chime, no matter where I am in the house, I yell out, “Erd!” It’s my inside joke with my second favorite appliance. I see no need to replace it until it stops working completely.

Ka-noot the Great!

As I lay there awake this morning at 3 o’clock, I wondered what my family heraldry was. So, coming to grips with the reality that sleep would elude me, I decided to get up and research it. I was not rewarded with a family coat of arms, but I did discover that I’m descended from Cnut the Great (pronounced ka-noot), former King of England, Denmark, and Norway.

Considering that his reign was over a thousand years ago, we are not closely related, but I’m counting it. I was surprised to learn that we have Danish blood. I was aware of English and Scottish, but this was a new development. I further learned that the K at the beginning of my surname should not in fact be silent, but should make a hard “ka” sound.

I was also surprised to learn that the phrase, “you could sooner stop the tide than for such and such to happen” came from Cnut. Apparently, the story goes that one day Cnut had his throne brought out to the beach and placed next to the water. He sat down and exclaimed to the sea, “I am Cnut, a great and mighty king. I have won many victories and conquered many lands. No one stands before my might. I command you to hold back your waters and keep the tide from coming in.” Or something near to that.

Of course, the water rushed in and soaked his feet and legs anyway. Cnut jumped to his feet and exclaimed, “Let all men know how empty and worthless is the power of kings, for there is none worthy of the name, but He whom heaven, earth, and sea obey by eternal laws.” He then took off his crown and hung it on a crucifix, never to wear it again.

It is not believed that Cnut really thought he could stop the tide, but rather that he wanted his followers to see that no man was greater than God. From this story we got the popular phrase that we use today, although a little altered from the original context and intent.

So, my spousal unit is descended from kings, and apparently so am I.

The Domestication of Dog

I heard a radio DJ ask today on his show, “How do you think the domestication of a dog went? I imagine them facing off in the wild and the wolf/dog saying, ‘Grrr, I’m going to eat you.’ And the man saying, ‘Well, what if we gave you a giant donut, peanut butter, and all the stuffed animals you want to chew on?’ And the dog pausing before saying, ‘I’m listening, go on…’”