Drago Stress Test

My father went to get a stress test last week for his heart, and they told him that he’d have to get his heart rate up to 129 bpm. He started running on the treadmill, but his heart rate was too low. So, they increased the speed and incline. But it still wasn’t enough. So, they increased it some more. But it still didn’t work. At some point he looked like Ivan Drago from Rocky 4, running a sprint straight uphill. But it still didn’t get his heart rate fast enough. The doctor stopped the machine and told him to get off the treadmill. He told my father that there was nothing wrong with him if he could do that!

Running Backwards on a Treadmill

When we were younger, my father had a treadmill that basically sat unused in my parent’s bedroom. My brother decided that he’d give the treadmill some love. After a little while, he decided that the treadmill wasn’t challenging enough, so he tried to up the difficulty. So, he attempted to turn around and run backwards while it was in motion. He was promptly thrown off the treadmill and into the wall.

After he regained consciousness, he decided that the issue was trying to turn around. If he started off backwards, then he should be able to run. He was promptly thrown off the treadmill and into the wall.

After he once again regained consciousness, he decided to stop trying to run backwards. When my father asked him why he gave up, my brother replied, “I’m a quick learner, I don’t need to get thrown off a treadmill three times to stop trying to run backwards on it.”

Whodunnit?

Last night, the spousal unit and I were watching our favorite British detective show while we ate dinner. Just as they were about to do their big reveal of the murderer, I tried to breathe in a piece of chicken, and I started to choke. I was coughing and hacking as my lungs tried to expel the chicken and launch it across the room. I was making a loud and terrible racket, so much so that I understandably drew my spousal unit’s attention from the show. She quickly jumped up, ran to my side of the table, grabbed the TV remote from my hand, and turned up the volume. I guess saving my life from a deadly piece of chicken would have to wait until after she found out who did it.