Carbon

If we all breathe in O2 (Oxygen), and we all breathe out CO2 (Carbon Dioxide); where does the Carbon come from? Considering that we're all made up of Carbon, that means we breathe out a piece of ourselves with every breath. So, there are little bits of all of us floating around the world.

And since we also breathe in CO2 when we breathe, that means we're breathing in pieces of each other with every breath. I wonder if those moments when we don't quite act like ourselves...when we act in a way contrary to our normal nature...if we aren't, in fact, acting like whoever's "piece" we just breathed in. It only lasts for a moment, because we quickly breathe it out again.

But by that thought process, since we're constantly breathing "pieces" in and out, how would we know when we're acting like ourselves and when we're just acting like a piece of the collective whole?

Stolen Dove

To: All Office Staff
Subject: Stolen Dove

To Whomever Stole My Dove:

Someone stole the Dove candy off my desk today while I was in a meeting. You know who you are. I was looking forward to that chocolaty goodness all day, and I was not happy to find it missing. I had been enjoying it one lick at a time for the last three days, wrapping it back up after each lick so I did not consume it too quickly.

If my candy is returned by the end of the day, no further action will be taken. As you all know, I work between the hours of 8ish and 5ish. And when I say work, I mean that I am in the office, although it is likely I am just checking up on my sports or reading personal e-mail. My Dove can be returned anonomously at any time I am not at my desk. My secretary will be sure to tell me who it was.

If it is not returned today, trash can checks will be conducted daily until the culprit is found. This is a serious offense, and I expect everyone to treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Boss

Fee Percentages

B.D. was working on this project at work. The project involves calculating fee percentages. So, they were given data where a $15.00 transaction had a $0.16 fee. B.D. said that the fee was about 1%. The project leader insisted that it was more like 4-5%. B.D. tried to convince him he was wrong, but the project leader would not be budged. Finally, the project leader suggested they go look at the fee calculation table. The table showed the fee percentage as 1.06667%, to which B.D. smiled in satisfaction. But to B.D.'s surprise and dismay, the project leader exclaimed that he didn't believe the table to be accurate. He then suggested that they needed to contact a Subject Matter Expert to get a second opinion.

My Rock

When something is going on in my life, such as someone screwing me over at work, I like to talk about it. I'll tell my friends or my wife, but I don't expect them to do anything about it. I don't need them to try to solve anything. I don't need them to worry.

I'm not going to them because I need comfort. I'm not sharing because I'm looking for answers. When I need these things, I go to the Lord. He and He alone is my rock.

The Sliding Tea Cup

Today at work, I dropped my glass of tea on my way to a meeting. The glass slid off my notebook, immediately tipped upside down, and plummetted to the floor; landing on its lid with a splat. The straw was crushed, the lid popped open on one side, and the glass was no longer a perfectly cylindrical shape.

What is utterly amazing, though, is the splash radius of the glass which was dropped only from about three feet up. Spilling only about a fourth of the contents of the glass, the splash managed to cover half of an entire wall...or basically a section about ten feet high and ten feet wide. And when I say covered, I mean literally covered...from the carpet all the way up to the ceiling tiles.

My project team was laughing in hysterics as I climbed up on a chair to dry off the tea dripping from the ceiling. The laughing got so bad at one point that they had to tell the clients to hold on a minute before putting the phone on mute. I have no idea how so little liquid could coat so much sheetrock, or how I miracuously managed to come out of the ordeal completely dry.

Monochrome Underwear

I don't understand guys who wear the same color underwear every day. Why eat pizza every day, when you could spend the week running through the whole buffet?!

Me, personally, I wear underwear in a myriad of colors, because I like a little excitement in my pants.