Just For Men

I was on the Hair Care aisle at Wal-Mart, and I noticed the myriad of hair coloring options.  I mean just about every shade you could ever possibly want to turn your hair is available in a small, rectangular box.  But what caught my eye was the shelf that sported several shades of gray for men.  Gray?  Really?  What would the commercial for that product be?

"Just For Men...Gray...Because I have a little brown that's messing up the symmetry."

MMM

Awhile back, a few of us guys here at work started a movie watching club.  The idea came about when it was discovered that our wives all attended an all-ladies movie watching club.  We'd get stuck watching the kids all day while they were out living the "single" life.  The guys decided that we needed a club of our own.  A way to get away from it all for a few hours to just be men.  We'd eat things like burgers and steaks, laugh about whose wife was worse, and view quality (or not-so-quality) entertainment.  So we formed a secret club, and we called it the Man Movie Mayhem.  Code name MMM, for short.

So, the next month we proceeded.  One of the guy's wife was going to spend the day at her mother's house, so the rest of us made up excuses to sneak out of the house and congregate at his house.  Each month, we rotated around to each guy's house, so as not to put too much burden on any one guy or draw to much suspicion to our activities.

Our movie lineup included classic movies like Must Love Dogs, You've Got Mail, Bridget Jone's Diary, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights.  Everything was fine for the first few months.  We never felt more free or liberated.  We were men.  We were living like men were meant to live.  That is until my wife happen to come home early and catch us in the middle of a viewing of Pride and Prejudice.  I never heard the end of it.

The Man Movie Mayhem club was disbanded shortly after.  The irony of it is that the women were apparently getting together to watch action flicks.

The Smell of Death

I hate the smell of lilies.  They always remind me of death.  Their pungent, over-powering aroma is the only concrete memory I have of funerals.  I know there are lots of other flowers present in funeral bouquets, but lilies seem to stand out.  Now, whenever I smell a lily, I think of death.

The Web Cam

I got a web cam the other day for my computer that does HD at 720p.  Now, my web cam displays better picture than my TV.  How sad is that?  I think I need a new TV.

The Switches

Outside the Subway in historic downtown, there's a bank of light switches on the brick wall.  There's really no obvious clue as to what function these switches perform, so I can only surmise it must be so the power company can come turn off your electricity if you don't pay your bill.  

Of course, you could just wait until the technician's gone and switch it back on.  Then, after a few days of this back and forth switching, you might get a strongly-worded note in the mail to stop flipping the switch.  You, of course, continue to switch it on.  At which point, you might receive a final ultimatum explaining that next time they'll use tape.  You come back to find the switch held in place with electrical tape.

Yes, electrical tape...what other kind of tape would you use to cover a light switch? 

White-Noise Speakers

My company is investigating installing white-noise speakers to help drown out floating conversations around the office.  This intrigued me, so I did a little research on them.  Apparently, white is not the only color you can get.  Each color hits a different wavelength of noise, so you can target the high tones, low tones, etc.  One company even has a setup that if configured just right will also block conversations involving unpleasant tasks and assignments sent via e-mails and instant messenger.  They're called the "Selective Listener" speakers, but I'm pretty sure our office must already have those installed.

If You Light It, They Will Come

Whenever we'd go out for a steak dinner with my stepfather, he'd get impatient at how long it was taking.  Especially since his favorite answer to how he'd like it cooked was, "Just knock the horns off of it, and throw it on the plate."  One time, after a particularly long wait, he informed us that he was going to hurry the process up.  He then proceeded to light a cigarette.  No sooner had he taken his first drag and set the cigarette in the ashtray, then the waiter brought out our steaks.  To say the least, I was amazed.  He truly was a magician.

The next time we went out for steaks, I hadn't forgotten his cigarette trick.  After about 10 min or so, I asked him if the trick would work again.  He said, "Let's find out," and he lit up a cigarette.  Immediately, our steaks arrived at the table.

I've seen him perform this trick dozens of times since, and I still don't know how he does it.  It doesn't matter if we've waited five minutes or 45 minutes.  As soon as he lights that cigarette, the steaks will come.

The Bar Code Tattoo

BD says that if he ever gets a tattoo that it'll be a bar code on the back of his neck.  I asked him what it would say if someone scanned it, and he said it'd be cool if it represented his name.  I told him that that would definitely come in handy if he was killed during a robbery.  Then, the CSI team could just scan his neck to identify him without having to wait on dental records.