Personal Injury Attorney Smackdown

Why do personal injury attorneys insist on giving themselves nicknames? I see a lot of signs around town for this kind of law, and they have names on them like Jim “The Hammer” or Ryan “The Lion.” It’s ludicrous. I’d be expecting to walk into the court room and hear an announcer on the microphone.

“In the red corner, representing the prosecution with a record of 32 wins and 1 loss the reigning middleweight champion of Denton County, Carl “The Iceman” Thompson!

“And in the blue corner, representing the defense with a record of 17 wins and 10 losses the challenger, Ryan “The Lion” McKenzie!

“Our trial is brought to you today by Mike’s Hard Lemonade. If you think being in an accident with an eighteen wheeler is hard, then you haven’t tried Mike’s. Stop and grab some after the trial at any local convenience store.

“Officiating our trial today is Judge Lance “The Bulldog” Lee. He’s just finished going over the rules with our combatants, and we’re ready for our bout. Take your seats and enjoy the show. Let’s…get…ready…to…RUMBLE!!!”

The Bird Convention

There was something up with the birds this morning. I was out walking, when a large group of ducks flew over headed east. I didn’t think much of it until another group flew over…and then another. And then other birds started flying by too, sparrows, herons, bluebirds…even a seagull. All of them headed toward the rising sun. I might not have thought much about it even then if they had been headed south, I mean it’s getting cold here, so warmer climates would make sense. But east? And none of them were in migration formation. It was chaotic randomness, like it was every bird for himself.

So, I concluded that there must be a bird convention in town that they were all headed to. I’m not sure what sorts of things a bird would learn at a convention…current bug population migratory patterns and what to eat and what to avoid, latest innovations and color patterns in nest building, what’s in and what’s out this year in feather fashion?! Whatever it is, hundreds of birds had dedicatingly gotten up early, braving the icy winds to attend. I swear I saw one duck flying lower than the others, flapping just a little slower with his eyes half closed. He must either have had a rough night or he’s not a morning bird, because he had a camel pack strapped to his back full of coffee, and he was sucking on that straw like his life depended on it.

Talks Only With Permission

When I was in elementary school, we would get a report card every six weeks that tracked our progress in each subject. In addition, there were other categories off to the side that would track behavioral development. Things like “Follows Instructions” or “Excessively Tardy.”

I did okay with the grades, passing at least. But the reason my parents would always get pulled into a conference was due to behavioral issues. In the category of “Talks Only with Permission,” I always got a “Needs Improvement.” It wasn’t so much that I talked all the time, which I did. It was why I was talking. I would leave my chair and walk around the room, helping all of the other kids with their tests and assignments.

I guess even then I had a teacher inside me. And I also suspect the teacher was a little jealous because I was better at her job than she was!