The Blind Horse

On my way back from the barbershop today, I drove past a field with a single horse in it. He was standing near the fence and the resigned posture and drooping head made him look so sad. I thought I’d wave at him and try to cheer him up. As I drove by, my hand gesticulating at him through the car window, I realized that he had a bag over his head…probably to keep the flies away. So, I found myself waving at a blind horse. Essentially, I made his day and improved his mood, but he was completely unaware of it.

I'm a Scatman

This afternoon, I got in my car to go pick up my son from school. As I pulled out of my driveway, I felt something run up my leg and disappear inside my shorts. I immediately jerked the car to the curb, threw it in park, and frantically started brushing wildly up the inside of my pants. When that didn’t work, I threw open the door and jumped out of my car. I started doing a little dance in the street to dislodge whatever it was. Nothing came out, so I bent over, slid my entire arm up the leg of my shorts, and carefully felt every part of my leg and nether regions for anything that didn’t belong there. Other than a surprise (and not unwelcome) groping, my efforts produced nothing. So, I knelt down and examined the floorboard of my car. That’s when I saw the small gray spider about the size of a nickel make his way across the carpet. Shock quickly led to vengeance, and I hulk-smashed him into a gray splat. I continued on my way. My thoughts wandering back to my chance encounter with that arm up my pant leg and wondering what-if.

Commercial Failure

I just saw this commercial for genital yeast infections, and I couldn’t help but think that it would suck to be the spokesperson for that. I mean, sure, you’re getting exposure and getting your face on TV, but I would imagine that would also negatively impact your ability to get dates. You’re flirting with a guy across a crowded bar, he walks over, and then he recognizes you from the commercial and just keeps on walking. It reminded me of that "Friends" episode where Joey ends up on an STD poster.

Then again, I guess not all commercial exposure would be bad. Let’s say if you were the spokesperson for XXL Magnum condoms…