I'm a Scatman

This afternoon, I got in my car to go pick up my son from school. As I pulled out of my driveway, I felt something run up my leg and disappear inside my shorts. I immediately jerked the car to the curb, threw it in park, and frantically started brushing wildly up the inside of my pants. When that didn’t work, I threw open the door and jumped out of my car. I started doing a little dance in the street to dislodge whatever it was. Nothing came out, so I bent over, slid my entire arm up the leg of my shorts, and carefully felt every part of my leg and nether regions for anything that didn’t belong there. Other than a surprise (and not unwelcome) groping, my efforts produced nothing. So, I knelt down and examined the floorboard of my car. That’s when I saw the small gray spider about the size of a nickel make his way across the carpet. Shock quickly led to vengeance, and I hulk-smashed him into a gray splat. I continued on my way. My thoughts wandering back to my chance encounter with that arm up my pant leg and wondering what-if.