The Sliding Pretzel

The nice lady at work that cleans up after us slobs takes special pains to come by and clean my desk for me. She sprays this cleaner on it that is supposed to dust, polish, and repel future dust. But I have also noticed that is has the added effect of making my desk very slick. I set paper or CDs on it and they just start sliding around.

This gave me a bright idea one day. I wondered if it was slick enough for me to slide across it.

(Side Note: I was suddenly reminded of the first day my wife brought home satin sheets. She was trying to be sexy and romantic. So, doing my best job to add to the effect I decided to wear my silk boxers to bed that night. As I jumped into the bed in my most playful and debonair way, I started sliding across the sheets. It didn't take me long to realize that I wasn't going to stop. Ziiip! Right off the other side of the bed and off onto the floor. It is hard to be sexy when you are sprawled half on and half off the bed, folded like a pretzel between the bed and the wall. The moral of the story is that satin sheets and silk boxers don't mix.)

So, one day I got up the nerve to try sliding across the desk. I figured I would take the corner so I wouldn't have to go very far. It worked beautifully! I looked like the Dukes of Hazard sliding across the hood of the General Lee. On my way back to my desk, I won't lie to you, I was cocky. I decided to try it again. Only this time something went horribly wrong. I lost my balance and went shooting off the desk straight for my chair. As I slammed into the armrest feet first, the chair was so kind as to roll out of my way, and allow me to plummet to the floor.

When the nice lady came to clean my desk that day she found me laying half on and half off the desk, folded like a pretzel between the cubicle partition and my chair. The moral of the story is twofold. If you have a great idea like sliding across your desk, just forget about it and go back to work. Also, me and sliding across things don't mix.