I have a little stuffed sheep on my desk, which I affectionately named “Fleece.” In fact, he is one of the counting sheep made famous by those Serta commercials on TV. I got him as a gift when we bought our new mattress.
Today, Fleece decided to go hip-hop on me, and I found him sporting an earring. Of course, you can’t really pull the look off unless you’re sporting a rag for your head, so I made him a “ewe rag” out of a napkin to help hold back his wool.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Oil Change
M.C. and I both had to take our cars to get the oil changed. We decided to take them to the same place, but our experiences were very different. I jumped back into my car and noticed a faint but pleasant floral scent wafting from the vents when I turned my car on. It lasted about a day and then disappeared altogether. I thought it was a nice touch.
M.C. jumped back into his car and noticed a distinct fish smell wafting from the vents. At the time, he shrugged it off as the car just picking up some smell from outside, but the odor lingered all the way to his house. The next day he came to pick me up for work, and the stench had magnified overnight. My eyes were watering as we drove away, and by the time we got up to speed on the highway, the full force of dead fish had permeated throughout the car.
The moral of the story: Unless you want the smell of dead fish wafting from your vents for weeks after you leave the shop, don’t take your car in five minutes before the place closes and ask for the Premium Service.
M.C. jumped back into his car and noticed a distinct fish smell wafting from the vents. At the time, he shrugged it off as the car just picking up some smell from outside, but the odor lingered all the way to his house. The next day he came to pick me up for work, and the stench had magnified overnight. My eyes were watering as we drove away, and by the time we got up to speed on the highway, the full force of dead fish had permeated throughout the car.
The moral of the story: Unless you want the smell of dead fish wafting from your vents for weeks after you leave the shop, don’t take your car in five minutes before the place closes and ask for the Premium Service.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Garden Snake
I was out in the garden the other day, and I stumbled upon a gigantic garden snake. This thing must have measured every bit of three or four inches long. I’m not a snake person, so my initial reaction was to scream at a pitch that was so high that dogs started barking…followed by an impressive feat in which I leaped vertically eight feet into the air.
About that time, my wife came barreling out of the house and asked, “What’s the matter? I heard a woman screaming out here.” I told her I saw a snake. She cocked an eyebrow, as only wives can do, and said a bit too sarcastically, “And you screamed like a little girl?” Not to be emasculated by some stupid snake, I puffed up my chest, looked her squarely in the eyes, and said, “Yes, because I saw on the Discovery Channel that snakes can’t stand high-pitched noises.”
I’m just guessing here, but I’m thinking by the way she was laughing and shaking her head as she walked back into the house that she didn’t really believe me.
About that time, my wife came barreling out of the house and asked, “What’s the matter? I heard a woman screaming out here.” I told her I saw a snake. She cocked an eyebrow, as only wives can do, and said a bit too sarcastically, “And you screamed like a little girl?” Not to be emasculated by some stupid snake, I puffed up my chest, looked her squarely in the eyes, and said, “Yes, because I saw on the Discovery Channel that snakes can’t stand high-pitched noises.”
I’m just guessing here, but I’m thinking by the way she was laughing and shaking her head as she walked back into the house that she didn’t really believe me.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Bracketless Shelves
My wife bought these cute, “bracketless” shelves for the bathroom. She asked me to hang them for her on the wall over the jetted tub. She explained exactly how she wanted them arranged, but I told her the design wasn’t artistic enough. So, after several sketches of potential designs, several fights about her calling my designs stupid, and several instances of flying shoes; I went to hang the shelves exactly how my wife had originally said she wanted them. Although I did so confidently believing that it was my idea all along.
I was born with an incredible eye for gauging when things line up, are at the same height, and are level to my relative position. So, I got to work attaching the brackets to the wall, they aren’t in fact “bracketless” after all, and eyeballed their relative levelness. When I got done, the shelves were perfect.
That is when I brought my right foot out of the tub, my left foot having stayed outside on the bathroom floor, and found out that the jetted tub is actually higher than the bathroom floor.
I tried to explain to my wife that the “left lean” of the shelves was intentional, my own little way of adding some artistic flair to her bland design. She just scowled at me and told me to fix it. I spent the next 15 min weighing the potential time and effort that it would require to un-hang and re-hang the shelves. Finally, I decided to just shave off the bottoms of her candles so they would lean to the right.
Except when one of the candles takes a swan dive off onto the bathroom floor, this solution has worked out fine.
I was born with an incredible eye for gauging when things line up, are at the same height, and are level to my relative position. So, I got to work attaching the brackets to the wall, they aren’t in fact “bracketless” after all, and eyeballed their relative levelness. When I got done, the shelves were perfect.
That is when I brought my right foot out of the tub, my left foot having stayed outside on the bathroom floor, and found out that the jetted tub is actually higher than the bathroom floor.
I tried to explain to my wife that the “left lean” of the shelves was intentional, my own little way of adding some artistic flair to her bland design. She just scowled at me and told me to fix it. I spent the next 15 min weighing the potential time and effort that it would require to un-hang and re-hang the shelves. Finally, I decided to just shave off the bottoms of her candles so they would lean to the right.
Except when one of the candles takes a swan dive off onto the bathroom floor, this solution has worked out fine.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Limbo Day
With Mother’s Day right around the corner and Father’s Day a month after that, I realized that I’m in sort of a limbo land here. I’m quite obviously not a mother if for no other reason than I’m not female. And I’m not a father yet. So, basically I don’t get a day to just lay around and be pampered. I’m sure my wife would say that that is my usual state of affairs, but barring that more true than I’d like to admit statement, I’m advocating for another holiday for guys like me. So, this year I’m celebrating the “Not a Father Yet, but Anatomically Still Could Be Day”! I really think this is going to catch on.
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