The Left-Handed Bandit

Have you ever noticed how all slot machines are right-handed?  Or I guess, how they used to be when they actually had functioning arms?  Now, everything is electronic, and if they have an arm, it’s just for show.  I wonder why machines were only ever made with right-handed arms.  I know that statistically more people are right-handed than left, but I would think that from a purely physical standpoint, this seems short-sighted.  I mean if you’re going to spend hours yanking on a machine’s arm, aren’t you only going to be working out the muscles on one side?  I can just picture all of these people leaving Las Vegas with a puny left arm and a huge right arm.  Everyone would instantly know what you’d been doing on your vacation.

Nowadays, everything is run by computers…some supposedly random number generator program, which every programmer knows is impossible to create.  But when you know that all casino games are going to favor the house, how can you possibly trust a game run by a computer?  It can be coded to do anything the casino wants, so of course, you’re never going to come out ahead. 

Oh sure, you might win small pots occasionally, because that’s what increases your time on device.  And the more time on device you spend, the more money the casino makes.  It’s psychology.  Like B.F. Skinner’s boxes, people are motivated by periodic rewards.  Too many, and you lose interest.  Too few, and you lost interest.  It has to be a game that is “unpredictable” so you keep playing…and paying.  And don’t think for one minutes that casinos aren’t using us as experimental mice, setting up varying degrees of payout on seemingly identical machines to test which machines have a higher time on device.  And with computers, all of this data is fed into the hands of the casinos, so they can constantly be doing analysis and adjustment to increase the amount of money they’re making.

With the old mechanical slot machines, you could give a fair argument to “predicting” when a machine would pay out.  Some people could tell by the configuration of the reels or the time between payout.  Although, some people still claim that it’s impossible for a machine to get hot or cold, because each pull of the handle is independent of the previous pull, it was more reasonable to “guess” correctly more often.  With computers, kiss it goodbye.  It’s all based on the programming now.  You’ll only win, when they want you to win.

And to think that all of this came about because of the recession in the 1980s.  The federal government was looking for ways to increase revenue, so they legalized gambling and then taxed the crap out of it.  So, the more addicted people got, the more money they spent, the more money the federal government made.  They also did one other move that was absolutely brilliant…small, subtle, and brilliant.  They changed the term from “gambling” to “gaming.”  So, people didn’t feel like they were doing anything wrong.  They were just playing a game.

So, if you’re planning to play one of the over 800,000 slot machines in this country, push the button with either your right or left hand, but know that more often than not, you’re still going to walk away a loser.  I guess you can be grateful to game designers for changing the way slot machines work.  Now, at least you can rest assured that both of your arms will be puny.