Sean?

I absolutely hate getting people’s voicemails.  I never know what to say when that little beep plays through the headset.  I panic.  There is a long, awkward silence as my brain scrambles for something to say.  Do I go with something funny?  Do I use a fake voice?  Do I just do straightforward and businesslike?  Who was I calling again?  Is this the right number?  What name did the message say?  Why was I calling them again?  Have a waited too long to leave a message?  Should I just hang up?  Is it awkward now?  Do you think they’ll notice?

So, that’s why I came up with this surefire message that works in those moments when you blank out.  You can’t go wrong with this one.  And the beauty of it is that it works for all occasions.  In my loudest voice, I yell, “Sean?  Sean?  Is that you?  Sean?  I can’t hear you.  Are you on mute?  Are you talking?  Sean?”  And then I hang up.

The person you were calling will be so confused, trying to figure out if it was really you, and if you’re in fact crazy, that they won’t even notice the long, awkward pause at the beginning.