Window Seat

I am on my way to my old college roommate’s wedding today, and I got stuck in the middle seat between a father and his daughter.  They obviously chose the window and aisle seats, so that they didn’t get stuck in the middle seat, like I now find myself.  I hate this seat.  I can’t look out the window, stretch my legs out, or conveniently get up to use the bathroom.  There is nothing redeeming about this seat.  But it really irks me that they purposely chose not to sit together.  Instead they are talking over me.  So, I made sure to lean back and forth in their way to make it less convenient…

The worst part of it is that the daughter, who is next to the window, closed the shade so she could sleep!  Why would you get a window seat and not look out the window?!  Here I sit, actually wanting to look out the window, and all I can do is stare at the seat back in front of me.  So, I did the only thing a man could do in this situation, I sat there staring at her instead.  At some point, she woke up with a start.  I like to think her subconscious was telling her that someone was creepily staring at her.

New Job Title

So, along with my promotion, I got a new job title.  I’m now officially a “Consulting Operations Integration Team Lead.”  I told my boss that it was too long, and I was going to need new business cards just so I could remember it.  He told me that I just needed to find an acronym to make it easier and more memorable.  So, he suggested taking the first letter of each word.

I looked at him dead in the eye, and said, “No.” 

He said, “What’s wrong with COITL?” 

I replied, “Nothing’s wrong with it, I just don’t want people feeling like they want to light cigarettes up after they get done talking to me.” 

He looked confused and asked, “What do cigarettes have to do with COITL?” 

“Everything!” I exclaimed.  The girl across from me was losing it.  I added, “Perhaps you shouldn’t be shouting ‘coital’ out across the office.”

“Why?  Is it bad?” he asked.

There was no way he had not heard of this word.  Or was there?  “Look it up.  But don’t use your work computer.”

I saw the blush instantly spread across his face and down his neck.  “Oh…my…god!”

“Yep, pretty much.”

“Okay, that’s bad.  We just need to come up with something else.  How about Consulting Operations Integration Team of the U.S.?”

“So, you think going by COITUS is better?” I asked.

Again, he looked confused.  “Is that a word too?  What does that one mean?”

“Look it up, but don’t use your work computer.”

Psst!

My wife bought this automated air freshener last week to try out in the house.  We placed it in the front entryway to see what the potency range of the spray would be.  It quietly went about its business, and we completely forgot about it. 

Today, while I was sitting at the table doing a puzzle with my mom, I heard someone say, “Psst!”  I looked up but nobody was there.  Now my wife and I occasionally will play tricks on each other, like standing around the corner and slowly opening the door, so it looks like a ghost is coming in.  So, I immediately thought that she was jacking with me.  I sighed and went back to the puzzle and forgot all about it.  About 30 minutes later, she did it again, “Psst!”  Annoyed, I said, “Yes?!”  But again, no reply.

My mom started laughing hysterically and asked, “Who are you talking to?”  I said, “Didn’t you hear someone say, ‘Psst!’ a minute ago?”  She replied that she hadn’t, but I was certain I had heard it this time.  So, I got up and went looking for my wife’s hideout.  I found her in the back bedroom folding laundry, and I asked her what she wanted.  She tried to play it all innocent, denying that she knew what I was talking about, which just annoyed me more.  I threw my hands in the air, exasperated, and went back to the puzzle.  When she did it again 30 minutes later, I yelled, “What?!”  Again my mom started laughing hysterically, but this time she was pointing at the stupid air freshener.

So all weekend long, we had a running joke that I was having a conversation with the air freshener.  My wife finally got tired of my running dialog with the aromatic device and moved it to the bathroom.  Now, I hear it talking to me in my dreams…every 30 minutes, its tantalizing voice calls out, “Psst!” and I smile.

Not How I Imagined

Well, I have been a manager for three weeks now, and it hasn’t turned out like I had hoped.  I was telling my wife this morning that you get these things in life that you want so much, that you get obsessed about, and they become like gods.  You spend your time striving for them.  You look to them to give you identity and purpose.  You expect them to bring you fulfillment and joy.  And then when you finally obtain them, you don’t feel any of those things.  It’s like a great, big reality check, and you suddenly realize that you have been wasting your time striving after the wrong things.

Only God can give you identity and purpose.  Only God can bring you fulfillment and joy.  I should have spent more time seeking Him and less time caring about a stupid position or title.  But I feel like I had to learn this lesson.  I feel like God had to break me over the rock, so that I could finally open my eyes and live.  I still feel like He will do something with me in this place, and maybe now that my agenda is out of the way, His plan can come to pass.

The Surgeon

When I was little, my stepfather used to call me “The Surgeon,” because of the methodical, precise way that I would cut up my steaks.  I would cut each piece into the exact same size before ever taking a bite.  I don’t know why I was opposed to the more conventional cut-and-eat-one-bite-at-a-time method, but it made more sense to me to get all of the work over with first and then spend the rest of the meal enjoying the fruits of my labor.

One day he went and got a white lab coat that he had from work and put it on me.  I had to sit there the whole time, eating in a white coat, while he said, “Now you look like a proper surgeon!”  To this day, I still cut up my meat like this.

Hot Chocolate 15k

I just finished my first 15k run yesterday, the Hot Chocolate 15k, which officially marks the furthest I have ever run.  For those of you not familiar with running (or the metric system), that is 9.3 miles of grueling pounding on the concreted streets of downtown Dallas, TX.  There was a point in the race when I hit “the wall,” and I didn’t think I was going to make it.  In training, I had not been able to run more than 6.25 miles, and on that day I got a nosebleed and lost feeling in one of my feet.  So, I was pretty sure I was going to have to take a break for this race. 

But what was unexpected is that I hit “the wall” when we passed the Mile 1 marker.  I knew instantly that that could not be a good sign.  But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, watching as the pacer’s sign moved further and further ahead of me.  As long as I could still see it, I had hope, no matter how far it seemed in front of me.  I didn’t look around.  I didn’t notice my surroundings.  I just tried to focus on the music coming through my headphones, and not on the burning in my legs and my lungs.

The music helped to distract me, but I think I might have brought along the wrong playlist.  Since I was trying to concentrate on the music, I was more focused on the actual words in the lyrics than ever before.  Song after song seemed to be reminding me that there was no way I was going to finish this race.

The Man Who Can’t be Moved by The Script

“There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world / Maybe I’ll get famous as the man who can’t be moved / Maybe you won’t mean to but you’ll see me on the new / And you’ll come running to the corner / ‘Cause you’ll know it’s just for you / I’m the man who can’t be moved”

Hope and Prayer by Savannah Outen

“I die just a little / Each day I see the pain that they must live / I cry just a little / And I wonder if there’s more that I can give”

God of Our Salvation by Phil Wickham

“Come you tired and weary / Come just as you are / Come and let His mercy heal your heart”

Just Like a Pill by Pink

“Run just as fast as I can / To the middle of nowhere / To the middle of my frustrated fears”

The Distance by Hot Chelle Rae

“And just so you know / The distance is what’s killing me / Time and space have become the enemy / And what I need is so far away / And so it goes / The distance makes it hard to breathe / My heart won’t let go easily / I don’t want to be this far away”

But I did finish and with a pace of 10 minutes and 39 seconds per mile, which was well ahead of the 11 minute pace the pacer was supposed to be setting.  In fact, at around Mile 8, I actually passed the pacer, and I crossed the finish line before her.  I went from barely able to see the pacer’s sign to leaving her in the dust! 

It was by far one of the most intensive physical activities I have ever done.  Not because the activity was hard, but because it spanned such a long time of continuous effort.  Which I found gives you a lot of time to think about what you’re doing, how your body feels, and whether you’re going to make it.  It’s too much time for evaluation and doubt.  I may never do it again, but I’m extremely proud of myself for making it the entire way.  However, I have a feeling that once the euphoric high wears off, that I probably won’t be able to walk for the next week.