Courage Over Regret

I have very few regrets in life, but one of them is how I went through high school. I never put myself out there and experienced things. I merely trudged the halls a quiet, reclusive, unknown person. People annoyed me, so I limited my contact with them. I was introverted and cynical. But that’s more a by-product than the cause. In truth, I was afraid.

In high school, I always wanted to sing and act. My best friend even tried to get me to join the choir with her, but I could never get up the courage to audition. What if they rejected me? What if I was the only one not to make it? What if I wasn’t good enough? I was afraid to fail. And if I couldn’t be guaranteed of success, then I wasn’t even going to try.

To this day, I still have no idea if I had what it takes to make it. I don’t know how singing and acting might have changed the entire course of my life. I don’t know because I never tried, and that’s one of my great regrets in life. I sat on the sidelines, or on the stoop behind the temporary buildings to be more precise, while everyone else put themselves out there.

I was on the soccer team, well I was the water boy for the team, but even that was more forced on me rather than a choice. When I was sitting with the guidance counselor signing up for classes, she asked me if I played any sports. I replied soccer and baseball. She told me to pick one, and I picked soccer. I had no idea that that meant I was agreeing to try out for the team. I thought she was just trying to get to know me better.

The only thing I really picked for myself was to join the Christian Student Union, and even that was terrifying. I loved it, but I was intimidated by all of these amazing people that sang better than me, knew the Bible better than me, and had a faith stronger than me.

There were just so many choices that I could have made, and I didn’t…choir, theater, cross-country running, the football team, yearbook committee, taking photographs. I didn’t care about drinking and partying like some people. That wasn’t my thing. But I wish I’d been more involved. I wish I’d had the courage to at least try.