Vertigo in a Bottle

I had vertigo today, and I was really dizzy. I had to sit down most of the day because every time I stood up, I felt like I was going to fall over. My head felt like it weighed twice as much as normal, and I was having a hard time keeping it “balanced” on my neck. The weirdest sensation was when I was walking and then I’d stop moving. My body would stop, but it felt like my head was still moving forward with inertia. I would have to “catch” it and try to balance it, moving back and forth as it wobbled from side to side. I imagined I looked like one of those performers balancing a plate on a stick that was balanced on their chin.

The worst part was that I had a lot of meetings today where I had to be on camera. A few of them were even interviews. The room was moving around me the entire time, so that I’m sure I looked like I was high on some psychedelic mushrooms. When I told CC about this, he suggested that some people might actually pay for that sensation. If I could bottle it, I might be able to make a fortune. We started laughing as we created an entire marketing campaign for our new product, “The Essence of Man.”

Feel like your life is boring, like you’re stuck in a rut? Liven it up a little with The Essence of Man.

Have meetings become like a monotonous chore? Try The Essence of Man, and you’ll never experience a meeting the same again.

Do women have you feeling like your life is spinning out of control? Take The Essence of Man, and it really will be.

I surmised that we wouldn’t even need a real product, just a placebo. We could bottle up sweet tea and sell it, using suggestive marketing. I’m sure people would feel the effects anyway, just because we told them that they would.