Pursued

I was watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory today, and in it, Leonard is pursued my Sheldon’s new assistant, Alex. At first, Leonard doesn’t realize that Alex is after him, but once he does, he relishes the attention. Not because he’s actually considering leaving his girlfriend, Penny, to pursue Alex, but because he enjoys being wanted. After being rejected by women for so long, he’s finally able to enjoy being wanted by two women at the same time.

I had a similar thing happen to me in college. I had a long-term girlfriend when suddenly I made a new girl friend. At first, it was just nice to get to know someone new, but then she developed feelings for me. And those feelings drove her to pursue me romantically. I was flattered by the attention. It was nice to be wanted by two women at the same time. I had spent so much of my life being ignored or glanced over by women that it was a refreshing change to have them want me instead. It boosted my ego and self-confidence.

Everyone likes to be pursued. It makes us feel alive and wanted. Many of us considered unpopular by the “in crowd” develop insecurities of not being enough or being ostracized by a world that didn’t take the time to get to know us, because we didn’t fit into their little mold of perfection. We desperately crave the attention that never comes. We look at people passing on the street, hoping that they’ll make eye contact and acknowledge us. We want beautiful women to do a double take and consider us a viable partner. But we’re lucky to get one glance much less two (it’s still never happened to me to this day). So, it’s nice when someone likes you for who you really are. But even more than that, it’s nice when they value you more than other choices they have.

So, I strongly related to Leonard walking around with his chest puffed out, relishing the attention from beautiful woman and relishing the jealousy it created in the other. It’s every nerd’s fantasy. I’ve often wondered how I’d do on the open market now. Would my maturity, security, and proven track record make me sexy to the right woman? Would the time and effort I’ve made to keep myself in shape put me ahead in the game for a man my age? Or would I always be the nerd, not quite handsome enough to make a woman look twice?

Luckily, I don’t need to worry about such things. And hopefully I never do. It was hard enough to get one beautiful woman to love me. I’d rather not have to start all over.