Expectations

The other day, I was telling my mother-in-law some of my frustrations with people, either because they’re flaky or they don’t live up to my standards and expectations for them. She said, “You shouldn’t be frustrated with people. You shouldn’t expect more from people than exactly who they are.”

Initially, I felt like this was a very pessimistic viewpoint of the world. Why shouldn’t people be held to a higher standard? Why shouldn’t you expect the best from them, especially if you know that they are capable of so much more?

Now, I feel like she’s right. I am constantly disappointed by people who let me down time and time again. But when I think about it, they’re not acting out of character. They’re not even changing who they are or how they act in a given situation. What’s disappointing is not who they are, but who I think they should be. Whenever someone lets me down, I ask myself, “Did you really expect something different? Are they being exactly who they are, who they’ve always been? Then, why are you surprised?”

It’s sad to not see someone live up to their full potential as a human being. But it’s worse to constantly be mad at them because they don’t meet expectations that you set out for them. Expectations that they may or may not even be aware of.

But I think the worst part is what my mother-in-law added. She said, “I’ve just learned that you take people how they are, and sometimes that means not sharing everything with them. Sometimes people only serve a single, specific function in your life and that’s it. Your relationship will never progress beyond that.” That’s fine for an acquaintance or surface friend, but how can you do that with family, or those closest to you?