Kicking the Poo

Have you ever been walking a dog who covers up his or her poo by kicking grass over it? I always wondered what was the point of this expenditure of energy. They never get enough grass on the poo to actually cover it up. And sometimes they get so energetic that they actually end up kicking the poo instead and flinging it all over the place. So why waste your time?

But I digress. At various times throughout our association, my wife has acted like what can only be described as...a turd. Apparently this is not a new thing with her since her father's pet name for her when she was a little girl was "skatoulaki," which in Greek means literally "little turd." Whenever she is having one of those moments, I let her know by "kicking the poo" at her. This consists of turning my back to her and kicking my foot backwards. This is usually always followed by her springing off the couch and running after me. Which is then usually followed by me making a vain attempt to escape her, her catching me and tackling me to the floor, and me screaming like a little girl for her to let me go.

But she caught on to my antics, and since I am not one who likes to be known as predictable I had to come up with some variations. So, I came up with such classics as "Double Poo," which is when I kick with both feet one after the other. "Slow Poo," which is when I take my time kicking the poo. "Front Poo," which is when I kick the poo while I am facing her. (Note: this is always a risky one, since you are in less of a convenient position to run away.) And my personal favorite, "Delayed Poo," which is when I kick my leg out and hold it extended out for a second.

Now one might ask why I would continue to do this to her, since it is usually always followed by me being chased down and tackled to the floor. All I can say is that I could outrun her if I wanted to, but sometimes it is better to be caught!